I don't fit the conventional standards of beauty. My features aren't perfectly symmetrical; one of my eyes is slightly more open than the other. My hair and eye colors aren't unique, I'm not particularly thin, my voice is on the higher side, and when I smile, my face may seem larger than I'd like. But I've come to accept these aspects of myself.
For the longest time, all I truly wished for was someone who would appreciate and accept me just as I am, without any need for change in my appearance. This felt like an elusive dream, something I could only wish for but never attain.
But then, in those rare moments when someone did express interest in me, I struggled to believe it. It rarely began in person; instead, it often started through online conversations. I believed that the only appealing part of me was my personality, which I already saw as lacking. So, when it came to dating apps, I chose pictures that seemed less unflattering, without any filters, just to show my true self. I expected no one to be interested.
What took me aback was the number of people who found me attractive enough for physical intimacy. They didn't always seek more than that, and while this group wasn't large, it still existed. At times, I wondered if they were merely desperate.
I can appreciate conventional beauty, but true attraction had eluded me until now. To me, calling someone "pretty" is different from feeling a deep attraction. Now that I'm with someone, I realize that no one else's appearance matters to me. Whether someone is considered beautiful or more appealing than others, I hardly notice or care about how they look.
The only person I'm attracted to is my partner. Every aspect of him makes him the most handsome person I've ever met, and I genuinely mean it. It's because I feel I truly know him. When I try to think of flaws in his appearance or character, I find nothing to change. Initially, I thought this attraction might fade over time, as I've often heard, but for me, it hasn't. The longer I've known him, the more attractive he's become both inside and out.
Even though he's with me and insists I'm pretty, I struggle to believe him. All because I've accepted my lack of conventional attractiveness. However, it's led me to wonder if he might be experiencing something similar. I'm deeply in love with him, despite our disagreements and the challenges we've faced. Because I love him, he's beautiful to me. Because I love him, he's attractive. To me it isn't an opinion; it is a fundamental fact.
Perhaps that's how I come to believe him. Maybe if he loves me, that's why I appear pretty to him. Maybe love creates our perception of beauty.
