Here By My Side

What if..

'The moon is beautiful tonight..' thought the young former mist pillar, he was sat on a bench just outside the butterfly mansion . His long black hair that faded into teal tied up into a ponytail, with two strands falling in the front.

He was staring up at the starry night sky, something he has begun doing frequently. Lately he has been finding himself unable to sleep so to past the time he stared at the sky, formerly whenever he stared up at the sky he would be trying to remember the shape of clouds or remember what kind of bird were  flying around.

But now it was different he was able to remember things again, so now whenever he looks up to the sky he's thinking about his past with his family, his friends that he made, or a certain older boy that has been on his mind much more lately.

He finds comfort thinking about those things but sometimes his thoughts drift somewhere else.

'Why did you survive?'
'You should've died with the rest of them!'
'It's not fair'
'Everyone else died so why should you be alive?'
'You don't deserve to be alive'

"Muichiro?"

Muichiro quickly snapped out of his thoughts turning his head to where the voice came from, he was caught off guard at first but quickly relaxed seeing the burgundy hair boy who looked slightly worried.

"Ah Tanjiro.. what are you doing up so late?"

"I could ask you the same question"

The older boy walked closer before reaching the bench and sitting next to Muichiro.
Instead of saying anything Tanjiro just stared at Muichiro , closely almost as if he had something on his face.
It made the younger boy slightly uncomfortable as he backed away a little "um is something wron-"

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?" The former mist pillar blinked at the older boy whose eyes were now covered in worry. "I'm okay, why do you ask?"

"You're lying" Tanjiro replied back with a slight huff "you seem upset"

Muichiro just sighed glancing to the floor to avoid the worried expression coming from Tanjiro. "I'm fine..I was just thinking about some things?"

"Like what?"
"..."

The younger boy stayed silent for awhile just looking at the floor debating if he should say something or just walk away. But then he felt a hand on his and he looked up to be met with a reassuring smile coming from Tanjiro.
A smile that never fails to make his heart skip a beat.

The former mist pillar let out a sigh before he began talking, Tanjiros hand never leaving his.
"I was just thinking about why I'm alive right now"

Muichiro felt Tanjiro squeeze his hand tighter but he stayed silent so Muichiro continued
"It's just that everyone died and somehow I survived, I feel like I'm not supposed to be here right now. I watched Sanemi scream and cry for Genya as his body crumbled away. I watched many demon slayers sacrifice their lives to protect us. I watched every single person I cared about die right before my eyes.. they had so much to live for"

"I don't know why out of everyone my life was spared. It doesn't make sense, you know? I'm going to die in what like 10 years anyways, I know eventually all of you will move on with your own lives and family, I don't know what I want to do with mine. I don't think I'll marry or have kids, so it will probably just be me."

A small side smile grew on Muichiros face as he let out a slight laugh "sorry.. it's just some stupid thoughts we should probably get going to bed....now?"
When his eyes met Tanjiros, the older boys eyes were watery with small tears beginning to fall down his face.
"Tanjiro I-"

He was quickly cut off by being pulled in a tight hug, his face smushed against Tanjiros shoulder. He felt the older boy bury his face into the crook of his neck, as he hugged Muichiro closer to him.

"Tanjiro?.."

"Please don't say that about yourself!" Tanjiro cried out from the crook of Muichiros neck, the younger boy was speechless he really didn't know what to say.

"I know how you feel, I also wonder why was I spared? Why did everyone else die and I live? It's a guilt that hurts everyday and it's unbearable, I miss them so much and wish they could still be here with us. But I still have Nezuko, my friends and most importantly I still have you."

"I don't know why we were spared, but we were and instead of sitting around all day wasting away just thinking about why. We should be living life to the fullest, not letting their sacrifices go in vain."

Tanjiro pulled away from the hug but stayed close to Muichiro, gently taking his hand in his and intertwining their fingers.
"So please.. don't say such things about yourself. I get how you feel but it still hurts hearing you say that. You mean so much to me, you don't know how grateful I am to still have you by my side."

Tanjiro fell silent after that just staring into Muichiros, the former mist pillar stared wide eyed at Tanjiro. He didn't know he meant so much to the older boy, he felt his eyes water before he quickly buried his face into Tanjiros shoulder.

He felt the other tense up before relaxing and wrapping his arms around the smaller boy.
"I'm sorry.." Muichiro mumbled, still hiding his face in Tanjiros shoulder. His grip around the older boy tightened "It's hard not to feel that way.. it might be a long time till I won't feel that way much anymore.."

Tanjiro ran his fingers through the others hair, a soft smile spread across his face "I know.. and that's okay we can both heal together."

Muichiro didn't reply just smiled into his shoulder relaxing in the others arms, they both sat there silently for a few minutes before Muichiro let out a small yawn.

"Tired?" Tanjiro chuckled, loosening his grip on the smaller as he began to pull back from the hug.
"Yeah just a little it's really late.."
Tanjiro hummed in agreement before standing up off the bench, stretching out his body before holding his hand out to Muichiro.

"Let's go to bed now" He said with a wide smile, the younger boys face flushed a soft pink looking at the held out hand.
But eventually he just smiled placing his hand into Tanjiros allowing himself to be pulled up, the older boy continued to hold Muichiros hand guiding him back into the butterfly mansion.

The two walked in silence down the quiet halls before Tanjiro made a sudden stop causing Muichiro to bump into him and look in confusion.

Before he could say anything Tanjiro spoke up
"Also.. I know you don't have much time left, I also don't have much time left. But I wouldn't mind.. spending my remaining years with you.."
The former mist pillars heart raced staring at Tanjiro, Muichiros face was a deep shade of red and so was Tanjiros.
The older boy glanced at Muichiro before quickly looking away once again, his thumb rubbing against the knuckles of the youngers.

"I mean if that's something you want too of course.."

Muichiros shocked expression soon turned soft, he stared at Tanjiro with nothing but love and adoration.

He has never seen the older boy so flustered.
He found it cute.

Muichiro realized he must've been taking awhile to reply once Tanjiro began to pull his hand away.

"I'm sorry I should've realized you didn't feel the same w-"

"I would love to"

"Huh?" Tanjiro turned his head to the other boy, he breath immediately hitched seeing how Muichiro was looking at him.

Muichiro took this chance to gently bonk his forehead against Tanjiros and resting it there.
His hand coming up to caress the side of the older boys face.

"I would love to spend my remaining years with you."

It was Tanjiros turn to be speechless

It took him awhile before he could finally say
"I'm really happy you feel the same way"

The younger just hummed in return

...
...
"Can we go to bed now I feel like I might actually fall"

"Oh yeah of course!"