WE MEET AGAIN || MATSUOKA R. | old.unedited

PROLOGUE : a silent goodbye

I felt as my world crash around me as he spoke the words:

"I won't be going to middle school here, anymore," my eyes widen as I look at him. His gaze was fixed on the sky.

The words spun in my head over and over. I felt as if I could get dizzy. I feel the warmth of tears trailing down my cheeks. It's stupid to cry over a boy, but...

He's not just a boy to me. He's my best friend: who I've grown to love more than friends should. He's leaving me and I don't want that.

I know I have Haruka, Mokoto, and even my brother Nagisa, but Rin is different, he understands me more than anyone. He was always there, but he won't anymore.

"Why?" I asked the maroon haired boy.

"I want to join a good swim team and compete in the Olympics," he said I stared at him, not saying a word.

"What about us? What about the others?" I say more tears streaming down my face.

"We can always face chat or even talk on the phone," He said I shook my head, not wanting to do that.

"No, long distance things don't work on me, that's too complicated. It won't work" I said as he step towards me. I backed away.

"Stop! Stay away" I exclaimed he got closer then hugged me.

"I can always visit, why is hard for you to let me go?" he said I pushed him away.

"Rin I..." I wanted to say it, but I can't, it's on the tip of my tongue, but it won't come out.

"I don't know..." I say looking at the ground.

"You do, you just say it," He said giving me a smile.

"I can't," I say.

"Yes you can, it's not that hard!" He answered harsly.

"No, I can't!, if you were me you'd know, but you're not me..." I say whispering the last part.

"Yeah, I'm not you," he said turning away.

"But..." I said he looked at me.

"Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you," I said fiddling with my fingers.

"No," he said I looked at him confused.

"I don't want to know years later, that time may never come!" he said.

"Rin.... I'm sorry I...I can't," I said.

"Fine then, I'm leaving!" he said walking away. I watched him then looked at the ground. I start crying again as I fall onto my knees. Tears block my vision as I stare at the ground.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, but he was long gone.

Everyone went to see him off but not me, What did I do? I sat in my room, like a statue, staring at the wall. There were a few pictures of Rin and I then some of us with the others. I couldn't rip or throw them away so I just stored them. I change after that day. I became distant and my depression I suffered from got worse.

This caused me to get into fights and trouble. It became a habit. My parents got tired of it so they just home schooled me. It didn't bother me. It was nice and peaceful, till my parents started fighting a lot. I'm glad Nagisa was still in school. He doesn't have to hear it. He might be older by a few hours, but he's really sensitive.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

My eyes shot open as I sat up quickly. I look over at the clock, three in the morning. I uncover myself and leave my room for some water.

I heard screaming coming from down the stairs. I creep down to see my parents arguing. I sigh and go up back up. I check on my brother to see him still sleeping.

I smile and head to the bathroom. I shut and lock the door. I look in the mirror to see my plain, tired face. Sleep for me is rare in my house, with the consent dreams of...him.

My dreams will always be the last time we saw each other. I clench my fists and punch the mirror. My eyes widen, realizing what I just did.

The mirror was shattered and my hand was bleeding. I heard knocking on the door.

"Manaka? Are you alright?" I heard my mother ask.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say back quietly.

"Okay..." She mumbled as I heard her footsteps depart. I look at my injured hand then clean up the room. I head back to my room after checking on my brother one last time.

I laid down then stared at the ceiling. I couldn't find myself going back to sleep. I huff then turn on my side to look out my window.

Moon...

Stars...

Just the sky in general reminded me of him. He's never left my thoughts since that day. Which was one year ago.

"I hate you so much, but love you at the same time...". I mumble to myself.

"Why is it so hard for you to let me go?" I hear his question replay in my head.

"Because...I love you, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I ruined our friendship like I mess up everything,".

I even ruined my mother and fathers relationship. I saw the divorce papers on the table yesterday while my brother was at school. I close my eyes and silently cry.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

It all ended, our parents divorced and Nagisa went with mom, while I was stuck with dad. I still got to go see them, but it became less and less. To the point, I didn't see him anymore. I was alone again. First Rin, then my friends, now Nagisa. My mother and I were never close, it didn't bother me.

I soon realized, after awhile, it was all my fault. I caused Rin to hate me, my friends leaving and my parents fighting. It was only ever about me.

I ruined it all.

Once you lose something-

"You can never get it back," I whispered watching my brother leave my life forever.