Season 3 Supergirl Lena Versus The Universe

Chapter 51

The weight in her chest was getting heavier as she watched the reverend speak at the front of the mass. None of the words he was saying were reaching her ears. Her world had gone completely silent.

Hope was sleeping happily in her arms, but Haven's eyes remained fixed on the elegant white coffin sitting before her. Tears burned, but she was fighting to keep them at bay. If she lost it now, she knew she would be inconsolable for the rest of the service.

Chancing a look at Valeria and her husband, Haven felt an odd mixture of anger and sympathy twisting in her gut. Valeria was beside herself, while Peter seemed to be holding it together for the two of them. She was angry... angry that two people could never have noticed how much they were hurting their son... that they could never have noticed something was wrong with Connor... yet on the other hand, her heart was broken for them. They were never going to hear hie voice, see his smile, ask him to do his chores, or congratulate him on his brilliant test scores again.

They would be alone in that big old house just a few blocks away, with nothing but the reminders of the only child they ever had.

Haven could decide which was worse. She had loved Connor to no end... had been excited to share a life, to share a child with him. He was going to leave a void that could never be filled... but Haven knew the hole in her heart could not rival the one felt by Valeria and Peter.

Hope stirred, a little cry escaping her lips as she curled her little fingers into tight fists. She was not yet fully woken, but Haven knew she didn't have long before Hope was all out crying.

Rising from her seat, Haven excused herself so she could take Hope away from the service and get her resettled. The early evening light was casting a beautiful picture across the sky, but it did nothing to lift the dark cloud of sadness in Haven's heart.

She passed her parents, swallowing down the lump in her throat as her mom momentarily touched her lower back in a gesture of comfort. She continued walking, past the tree line that had given them a sheltered, private area in which to say their goodbyes, over the soft grass, and down towards the beautiful lake about 100 yards from the service.

"It's okay." She whispered thickly, rocking slightly to soothe Hope. "I know."

Hope let's out a wail, her little face screwing up as she stretched out. Haven knew she was clean and fed, and knew that all she could do was hope that she would be able to calm her down.

As she stopped at a little rise at the edge of the lake, her floodgates broke. Tears flooded down her pale cheeks, rising from within her faster than she could cope.

Connor was gone. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

Cradling Hope against her chest, Haven was fighting to get control of her emotions when she heard someone coming up behind her. She made no move, assuming it was either Henry or one of her parents.

When a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind, she was surprised to recognize the jacket sleeves as belonging to Zack.

"It's alright. Let it out." He said gently, promoting more tears from Haven.

Hope was whining, her little fingers reaching upwards as she hooked them into Haven's jacket.

"I'm not okay Zack." Haven sobbed, sinking to her knees on the grass.

Zack followed, dropping down beside her and putting his arm around her shoulders.

"You don't have to be." Zack replied, taking Hope from Haven's arms so he could get her settled while Haven allowed herself a moment of grief. "You loved him and you lost him, and it's okay to grieve over that."

"I just... I'm supposed to be loving being a mom... but all I feel when I look at Hope is pain and sadness." Haven admitted. "I don't know if I can do this."

"You can do this." Zack affirmed gently, bouncing Hope lightly in his arms. "Let us help you. You know Amber would willingly come and hang around all day to help you with Hope if it all got too much. Your mom and dad... your brother... they're all here for you, and they aren't going to let you do this alone."

Haven sniffed, wiping away her tears on her sleeve as she looked over at her friend.

"Thanks Zack." She said softly, hiccupping slightly as he gives her a gentle squeeze.

"Anytime, my crazy friend."

Having allowed Haven to go out with Amber and Zack after Connor's service, JJ was awaiting her daughter's return home from a rigid position on the living room couch.

Henry was lying on the floor, entertaining Hope who was gazing up at the world around her with her big newborn eyes. Every so often he glanced up at his mom, seeing if she'd made a move, being thoroughly unsurprised to see she hadn't.

JJ was having mixed feelings.

So far, while she understood Haven was having a rough adjustment to being a mom, she hadn't been overly impressed with her daughter's effort. Hope's bath just a few nights earlier had been one of the only times she had seen Haven actively trying to nurture her daughter.

She was starting to feel anger. Not that she wanted to. Haven had promised them she would step up if she kept the baby, and so far, she had not really lived up to that promise.

Taking a deep breath, JJ pinched the bridge of her nose.

Being a teen mom was never something she had wanted for her daughter. And with the way their life was changing now, as much as she adored Hope, she wished she had a time machine so that Haven could go back and make different choices.

Hearing the front door open, JJ leapt up from the couch, crossing the room to reach the entryway.

"Where the hell have you been?" JJ spat as Haven trudged back through the door.

She had sounded angrier than she intended, but she found immediately that she didn't care.

"Out." Haven mumbled in reply.

As she stopped to hang up her jacket, her mother drew closer.

"Have you been drinking?" JJ asked, suddenly aware of the peculiar scent coming off her daughter.

"What's it to you?" Haven said, whirling around with narrowing eyes, her body language practically daring her mother to push it further.

"I'm your mother and you're underage and responsible for a child, that's what." JJ growled.

"Well, excuse me for having a rough day." Haven spat. "I'm going for a shower."

"Are you not going to see whether your daughter needs some of your attention before you go upstairs?" JJ asked.

Reaching out and grabbing Haven's arm, JJ yanked her back towards her, her frustration clear on her face as she leered at her daughter.

"I know you're grieving and adjusting to being a new mom but honestly Haven, I don't think you realize just how much we've done so that you could have Hope. The amount of work your father and I have missed, the things we have paid for so that Hope has everything she needs. You are completely taking advantage of everyone and everything and you know what? It's time you get your shit together Haven because it isn't going to fly anymore. I have made so many accommodations for you and I have yet to hear a word of thanks or see any attempt to start being fully responsible for your own child!" She said angrily.

"That's what you're supposed