Close To Enough

Prologue

Miranda.

If I ever commit a crime, it will be murder and my first murder case will be my boyfriend.
There are two types of men, the type that only the lucky ones succeed in getting and also the type that I'm stuck with, the sorry excuse of a man. The one I want to kill. Who is with no doubt not fit to be the head of the house. Honestly, 'just how can a man who has no brains be the head of the house?’ I wonder when I think of the dumb man I have in my life as I keep cutting tomatoes.
From the way this knife cuts through the tomato, I imagine just how satisfying it would be to cut off his balls, maybe Christopher's ego won't be bigger than the balls of an elephant just because he is the man in the relationship.
The moron of a man I'm glued to is always making me feel the need to give a punch to break his face. If only he fed me well, maybe I would be capable to deliver a good punch. Unfortunately, he is too broke to even afford a decent meal and he has the guts to switch my birth control pills because he wants to become a father.
What will he even give the innocent child?
Fuck his guts!
I thought of putting him out on the streets. Sadly, I can’t… God forbid I still adore him even after what he has done and also this is his apartment. So the devil is not going anywhere.
It really bothers me that he's too dumb to even realize that we both work around the clock, yet we hardly have enough money for our day-to-day needs. So, how can we take care of a child? I don't understand the foolish man's thought.
The worn floorboards in the house creak, it’s Christopher ingressing the one bedroom we live in. The apartment is in such a bad state and this is all we can afford at the moment. I pick my phone to check the time, it is almost 8 at night. The time he gets off from his second job. I equally survive between two jobs and my business school.
Christopher tells me how scared he gets when my eyelids go down. So I make sure they're the first thing he sees as he enters.
I lower my eyebrows and stiffen my nose as I look at him. I see fear in his eyes when he places the package in his hands on the table. He keeps away from me when he realizes I'm in a bad mood.
He seems intimidated with how I continue looking at him and the knife in my hand, he knows me well to know I am a psycho. Crazy enough to cut off his dumb head if he doesn't say anything sensible.
He appears terrified.
Usually, when he is scared he says the first thing that comes to his mind, which turns out to be the truth. I have sworn to myself if this bastard doesn’t say anything that makes sense, I’m leaving his dumbass. We are breaking up.
I put the knife down as I walk up to him and look into his eyes, “Did you change my pills?” I take a second to breathe in, because I am so mad right now, if not I might as well murder this asshole before the morning sickness kills me, “Christopher, did you?”
His lips shake.
He is nervous.
“Why are you being so dramatic?” He gives out a very stupid answer in response.
Leaving me so mad.
Fuck! I exhale.
So unbelievable. He is unbelievable.
What the hell is wrong with this man? He really does a good job getting on my nerves. I feel like punching him on the throat but my hand can't take it. I am still nursing the wound I got from the fire working in the kitchen at my second job and now he is telling me, 'I am being dramatic,’ asking him if he changed my birth control pills. I really can’t seem to put together how his brain functions.
We almost got kicked out of the apartment last week. All the bills are due and my salaries from both jobs this month won’t even carter half of my tuition fees and he decides to switch my pills to get me pregnant… Now he says I am being dramatic, so preposterous. “Chris, we are both struggling, how are we going to take care of a child?” My voice is calm when I try to make him reason with me.
So unfortunate for a dude who is supposed to be a man reasoning like a young girl. Now I have to take up the role of a man in the relationship. Really unfortunate.
The fire singes inside my heart as rage flows in my veins. I feel like I’m about to burst in anger.
He gets closer to me when he pulls my hands together with a smile on his face, he asks, “Are you pregnant?”
So he even has the balls to ask me if he has succeeded getting me pregnant.
‘Wow!’ Just wow.
While he seems impressed with his absurdity and thrilled that I might be pregnant, I on the other hand pity myself for falling for such a useless man with such a childish and unreasoning mind.
He is indeed stupid.
I choose not to say a word otherwise whatever I say now, will surely make him put me out on the streets. Which by the way, I feel is best for both of us to go our separate ways. Clearly, we both need to set our priorities straight. I am not willing to put my career in jeopardy for a man who is so comfortable with all the shit that goes on in his life. I am not going to be part of it.
It breaks my heart that I don't even trust him anymore. If he is capable of switching my birth control pills just to have a baby, then I don't know what else he is capable of doing to satisfy his ego as a man.
I point at the corner of the apartment and show him my bag. I let him know I am leaving. I can't stay in a relationship with a guy who wants me to take up the duties of a man in a relationship. "No I can't.” I nod.
I move to the corner and pick up my bag and begin to drag it to the door. He holds my hand and pulls me in his arms as I let the bag fall to the ground.  He lifts my head with his finger as our bodies heatedly entwine and I breathe heavily on his lips. Our eyes get in contact with each other and the breath that he exhales melts me.
I close my eyes and desires to let him lift me to the bed grow inside of me.
I just want to be under his skin right now. Feel him inside of me and let this pain inside me burn to ashes as the warmth between our naked bodies ignite into flames.
Christopher crane his head and his lips are close. They rub against mine.
My lips part as he pushes his lips inside my mouth to dissolve with mine.
I love the chemicals that flow in my veins whenever he touches me. The vibration running up my body, down to my legs makes me shiver. I continue to shiver as his finger go under my cleavage. I am vulnerably falling to be his but then I imagine the kind of life I will have with this man. I don't want that kind of life.
‘Get behind me, you wicked devil of a man!’ I rebuke myself from letting him have his way with me.
I snap out of the temptation and push him backwards, as I pick up the bag and turn to leave.