"Is it really so hard to admit that you like him?"
IN WHICH, Caspian and Edmund realised their feelings, but it was a journey that caused many emotions to arise.
[Completed & Edited]
@booksbysherbet
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It has plagued Edmund's thoughts for a while -- the thought of kissing Caspian. And now he had actually done it! He would be happy, if he wasn't so nervous right now. Why was he nervous, though?
His heartrate was raising, and he couldn't take his mind off the kiss -- the intense, but soft, delicate and incredible kiss.
Edmund was walking to Lucy's room, hoping that her advice might help him understand why he was feeling this way, because he didn't understand it -- at all!
He reached her door and knocked on it. A moment later, the door opened and, on the other side, stood a tired-looking Lucy.
Lucy's eyes widened slightly at the sight of her brother. "Edmund? What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice laced with sleep.
Edmund was trembling, and his heart wouldn't slow down. His voice was shaky as he said, "Lucy, I really need to talk to you."
She nodded, and the tiredness faded from her face, being replaced with a concerned expression. She opened the door, and Edmund marched through, breathing heavily and eyes darting in every direction -- looking like a madman.
Lucy waited until he was properly in the room, and the door was closed before she asked, "Ed, what's wrong?"
He turned to her, but didn't look her in the eye, and etched upon his face was a panicked expression. Should he tell her? Would she be disgusted? He couldn't have her being disgusted by him, she was his favourite sibling -- it would also mean he would be stuck with mullet mouth.
Taking a deep breath, Edmund sighed. He looked her in the eye when he said, "I kissed Caspian."
Her eyes widened. "What? I mean, I knew you liked him, but I didn't think you'd actually do anything about it."
"You're not disgusted?" Edmund asked, surprised but also relieved.
Her face looked so sad that he had to look away. "Why would you think that?" Lucy asked gently, though she probably knew why.
Hesitantly, he looked at her again. "You know why," he answered vaguely.
She smiled sadly, and walked towards him. She took his shaky hands and steadied them with hers.
"Edmund, you know I don't think that way," Lucy said, "besides we're not in that world at the moment, and Caspian seems to like you too. You guys should be happy. Together."
He shook his head, sighing. "I can't get it out of my head."
"Get what out of your head?" Lucy asked kindly.
"He said that when we leave it affects him -- he asked if I knew how much I affect him..."
His sister giggled at his words, causing him to send her bewildered look.
"He definitely likes you," she said to answer his silent question of why she was giggling.
Edmund froze. "What?" He whispered.
She looked at him, confused. "He likes you, as in he wants to be more than friends. And you do too, otherwise you wouldn't have kissed him."
Edmund stepped away from her, and started pacing. He ran his shaky hands through his hair; he bit his lip. This couldn't be happening... he couldn't like a boy!
Lucy stood where he had left her, watching him lose himself to his mind.
"Edmund, is it really so hard to admit that you like him?" She asked, basically shouting so she could get his attention.
"Yes!" Edmund stopped pacing to face his sister. Lucy's eyes softened when she saw the tears welling up in his eyes.
"It's not 'normal'. I shouldn't feel like this. He shouldn't either. We can't! We can't be together. It's -- it's not supposed to happen!"
"Edmund, you can't think like that!" Lucy said, walking up to him and taking his hands in hers again, trying to calm him down. "You know what you feel, and you should know that what you feel is okay -- liking a boy is okay."
Edmund sighed, closing his eyes. His mind was making him exhausted. "I can't help it," he whispered. "We've been raised to believe that liking another boy isn't right, and I can't just let that go all of a sudden, no matter how much I want to. It's just something that isn't easy to forget."
Lucy smiled. "I know. And I also know it will be hard, but you have to try to forget. You can't just push your feelings down. Because if you do, you won't ever feel happy, and you won't ever accept that this is who you are."
She let go of his hands, and hugged him -- he returned the embrace, smiling at the gesture. "You just have to take it one step at a time," she whispered into the hug. "Like... baby steps."
"You know, you have the best advice," Edmund stated, pulling away from the hug.
She held her head high, and grinned with pride. "I know I do."
"Now you have to sleep," she began to fuss. "It's really late! And if I'm right, you have been up the whole night."
Edmund smiled innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about."
She glared at him. "Go -- to -- sleep -- Edmund." As she said each word, she shoved himself towards the door.
Chuckling, he put his hands up, surrendering. "OK, OK."
He turned around and smiled at her, ever grateful for her advice. "Good night, sis," he said, ruffling her hair.
She slapped his hand away, but her smile showed that she wasn't annoyed. "Good night."
He stepped out of her room and heard the door shut. He walked to his room, feeling a newfound sense of peace.
He arrived at his room and laid down on his bunk. He smiled at the ceiling.
He had kissed Caspian, and it had felt amazing. It was like he had just let go of all the bad feelings and only felt him.
He wanted to feel that again. It was like Caspian was his pain relief -- his medicine.
Still smiling to himself like an lovestruck idiot, Edmund rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes.
