What Did I Do To Deserve You?

          What Did I Do To Deserve You?

Do you ever feel like you just can't breathe sometimes? Like there's this massive weight on your chest, pressing down on your body, sucking all the air out of your lungs? And no matter how hard you try, you just can't get any more air to come through? And the more you try, the worse you end up feeling. I know how that feels, especially since that's all I have felt for my whole life. Though it has been terrible the past 6 months or so. The past year has been a complete whirlwind of emotions and feelings he's never really felt.

As a child, he always thought that he was weird. He was shy and quiet, even though he could sometimes be quite loud and obnoxious. But overall, he was reticent and just kept to himself about it. He never really felt anything at all most of the time. While the rest of his classmates would run around and yell and be joyful and happy, he was always quiet and subdued. He just couldn't figure out how to be happy about anything. His sister always told him that if he just adjusted his attitude, it's fix everything, but no matter what he did, nothing changed. He had just resigned to living like this for the rest of his life.

In fact, he was confident of that, especially when he hit puberty, and the only thing that positively changed for him was his height. Everything else just seemed to progressively get worse. And no matter how much his sister butted into his business or tried to get their parents to butt into it, nothing ever really changed. He was always miserable, and nothing he tried to do helped. He wasn't sleeping or eating, and it felt like this heavyweight was resting on his chest, and he could never get enough air into his lungs. And no matter what he did, nothing ever got better. Things had really hit a low point for him by the time he was sneaking off with his friends to set off fireworks at night. He didn't care how dangerous or illegal it was; he just wanted to feel something. And even though things had come to a head with his sister, and he hit her, it slightly put things in perspective for him. Things had changed somewhat, but overall, he still felt off. By that point, he had just resigned himself to feeling like this for the rest of his life, which would be the end.

And that's when he met him. When it happened, he was at school one day, minding his own business, doing his daily chores of cleaning up around campus. He had heard a loud commotion from around the school corner he was cleaning up around. When he went to check what was happening, he never expected to come up with what he did. He saw these three underclassmen surrounding someone else, looking like they were ganging up on the poor guy. And he saw someone else standing off to the side. He had never seen them before, but they invoked some sort of protective instinct in Sasaki that he had never felt before.

This led to him being beaten up for a bunch of 1st years and countless months of pinning afterward. But it was all worth it in the end. He got the boy of his dreams and so much more than that. Miyano was just so adorable! He was cute tiny, thoughtful, and compassionate. And he could just listen to him ramble on and on for hours about anything. He knows that his friends all think he's lost his damn mind, but something about him draws him in, and he can't get away. It's like a moth to a flame. He just can't get enough of it. Him.

This, by far, is the happiest that he's ever been in his life, yet sometimes, he doesn't feel like he deserves it. He wasn't the best person in middle school, and though he has changed and matured over the years, he still doesn't see himself as the best person around. But Myia makes him want to be a better person.

In the short time they have been together, Sasaki has felt like a huge weight has been lifted off his chest. He doesn't quite know how to explain it, but Miya has brought more joy and light into his life in the past year than he thinks he's ever felt. This is the happiest he's felt in a while, and he loves this feeling so much! But at the same time, he can't get rid of this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that tells him he doesn't deserve this.

Miya is just so perfect to him. Sasaki knows a person can't be perfect, but it would be Miya if someone were ever close to it. And Saaski knows that he's nowhere near perfect. While he's aware that Miya loves him too, making him feel much better about himself, he can't help but think that Miya is out of his league.

Miya was a straight-A student. He was on the school's Discipline Committee and is a strict rule follower. Sasaki was a passing student at best; he never did quite get school stuff. He followed enough rules to not get kicked out, but he had a reputation for being a bit out there and a bit of a delinquent. Sometimes it just boggled his mind that someone as sweet and down to Earth as Miya found something inside of him that he liked and chose to stay.

Sasaki knows that he's not the friendliest person in the world. Or the most pleasant to be around, for that matter. He's never known what to do around people and how to act in certain social situations. Being surrounded by people has always made him uncomfortable, and he just always felt like he was an outsider to those around him. Feeling like he never belonged anyway got old fast, so he just chose to keep to himself and leave it at that. But then Miya entered the picture, and everything changed after that. While he's completely and utterly happy with his life now, he still can't help but try and figure out what he did to deserve someone like Miyano.