What was life like during a pandemic? Was it hard to live through one? How does it affect people's lives both physically and mentally? On March 13th, 2020, I watched the news as the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 as a global pandemic. This brought fear and nervousness to my core as I continued to watch the news and social media constantly for more details about the ongoing pandemic and how the government are taking action to help reduce the spread of COVID. I spent hours upon hours on social media looking for an answer, but it was no use, and began to have ruminating thoughts like "Will I get the virus? Will I die this year? Will there be a vaccine for the virus anytime soon?" The more I think about the ongoing pandemic, the more I felt powerless and depressed. One day, I began to walk to my grandmother's room and began to pray saying "Why is this happening? Is there something I need to learn right now? What can I do now to help become a better person during these troubling times?" After a moment of silence, I had a brief realization and said to myself "I need to turn off social media in order to be mindful and create more opportunities for me to grow during these hard times."
It was the spring of 2020 when I began to turn off my social media accounts for the first time, it was a nerve-racking experience. As I began to watch the local news, things were starting to look grim. I heard that 7,000 people were infected with COVID and my ruminating thoughts began to show up again causing me to turn off the television immediately. I decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood to take my mind off of the pandemic. As I continued to walk around the neighborhood, with my mask on, I began to feel the smallest things around me like the wind blowing around my face, the sun beating down heat on my skin, and hearing the birds chirping on the tree tops. I began to stop for a moment and smile at the sky and said "Thank you for letting me be here in the present moment. I really needed it today after a terrible morning." After coming back from a walk, I grabbed my pen, journal, and water to begin writing my first haiku "A cloudy blue sky/ covers its beauty outside/ gloom is coming soon"
It was the summer of 2020 and everything was falling apart around me. Hearing news about civil unrest caused me to feel tense and uncomfortable. The government now made it mandatory to follow social distancing to prevent the spread of the virus. During this time, I gave a little peak on social media and immediately was fueled with anger screaming at the top of my lungs, "Why aren't you following what your government is saying? They're too many deaths in the United States right now and you could be at risk!?" After shouting, it wasn't working, and still felt bitter all around my body. I immediately shut off social media again to reduce the ruminating thoughts again. I grabbed a piece of paper and drew a brainstorming bubble chart. I wrote anger at the center of the chart and for every line I drew, I had to come up with an answer to "why?" I was angry. One of the lines I drew was a person that I remember in college. After writing the name down, I began to pause and reflect on the times we were together as friends. Looking at our previous text messages before the pandemic, I broke down crying. Tears were running down my face and I had a small panic attack having that realization that we'll never see each other again due to the long distance and following my belief of social distance. After my tears were wiped away, I grabbed my pen and my journal and wrote: "A girl with white hair/ A girl who made me happy/ brings joy to my heart."
Fall was around the corner and I was getting started on a new job for a big company. Everything has changed in the workplace. Plexiglass covers are tall like a building around every table, social distance stickers were placed on the floor, and a room full of silence with no one giving high fives,fist bumps, or hugs to prevent the spread of the virus. As I began to work, leadership began screaming "Six feet, Six feet please!" like it was a military boot camp, but I had to follow directions to prevent the spread.
Near the end of the work day, a co-worker asked "Would you like a free COVID test?" and immediately responded, "Yes, I would like to take a COVID test." I stopped working and walked over to the testing site. There was a monitor with a person on the screen telling me what to do. The person said to me " Open the packet, take the swab, place it deep into your nose, and swirl it around for ten seconds. After that, you'll do the same thing for the other nostril." I followed what the person told me and it was painful. The pain was unbearable and felt like someone was tickling my nose and almost about to sneeze, but I was able to push through it and place the swab in a tube. After the testing, I ask a question to the person on the monitor "When will I be able to see my result?" They said, " You'll get your results in about two days." For two sleepless nights, I got a notification from my phone about my results. My heart was pounding and my mind was rushing with negative thoughts. I opened the notification on my phone and said that my test results were negative. I blew my stress away and sigh with relief that I was negative with the virus. I journal in my thoughts saying: " A quiet break room/a place for meditation/and to ease my soul."
Winter was around the corner and I heard the news that the government is about to have approval of the first vaccine for the virus and it will roll out by the beginning of the new year. My eyes glow with a big smile beneath my mask as I internally say to myself "Yes! There is a cure to the virus and we can go back to our normal lives." After that joyous news, I began to ask myself "What can I do in the present moment to be better for the future?" I began to jot down ideas and plans for the future ahead of me. As the year 2020 came to an end, I began to reflect on what a horrible year it was due to the isolation of other people; however, I had a moment of realization and remind myself of the smallest things that mean the most to me. I began to wrote it down in my journal and list the important and positive things that happened in 2020. There was nothing really much in 2020, but I began to write a list of goals to accomplish in the new year and looked up to the night sky as the clock struck midnight. A big grin on my face determined to look forward and wrote down: "Happy New Year world/ time for a new beginning/ live life to the fullest."
YOU ARE READING
Living Through the Pandemic: A Mental Story
SpiritualThis was an assignment that I completed during my writing class in community college.
