SUPERNOVAE- SHSE

their story

In the self built world where he lived , he was foreign to any sort of emotions that humans conveyed in their daily lives, if he had a feeling he was familiar with, it'd be suffocation which gave in to emptiness, and occassionally rage. 

But what was the point of venting when you are all by yourself, drowning yourself and gradually growing transparent in a messed up world?

Everyone is a slave to their own inner conflicts. Yeon Sieun was that kind of person. He didn't tie himself with any unnecessary relationship with any other human. He never felt the need to. Everyone — even his parents were too busy with their own desires to even notice or try to fill up the holes that he had in his heart. 

No matter what he did , nothing captivated him. He didn't know what to do except filling himself up with knowledge about the world, in hopes in finding meaning and a point behind his existence.

You can say, it was all that way until he met Ahn Suho— the boy who made Sieun dream. Sieun never knew what longing was, until he met him. That boy simply was a turning point in his life— a change, a ray of hope. Ahn Suho was radiant, he shone so bright in Sieun's eyes that he was afraid Suho might disappear in the light. And he did. 

How could he ever forget Suho? He filled each and every corner of his heart before Sieun even realized. He filled him up with emotions like happiness but..

How can he ever forgive himself?

Suho probably didn't see Sieun the same way he saw him. After all, Sieun had nothing to give. He only took rather than giving. He drained Suho of life. It was his fault for holding him so close that he was exposed to people like Youngbin. 

Maybe he shouldn't have vented his anger that day, then Youngbin wouldn't have vowed revenge and he wouldn't have to associate himself with bumseok either...he should have been dealing with these alone...maybe that...and never lean on Suho. He built up countless regrets.  

Perhaps Suho regretted meeting him. He couldn't blame him, after all, his parents regretted having him.

He felt miserable, acknowledging how much Suho suffered. Earlier Sieun was numb, as if his body was a vessel for a lost soul. When he finally felt his soul belonged somewhere, he got ripped off again. 

He understood why Murakami said “The weak fear happiness itself. They can harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded by even happiness.”

Ahn Suho had that impact. Sieun never understood depth of poetrys and writings until Suho appeared and words started making sense. He realized why god gave people emotions like tears, joy, anger, fear, etc. It was because some things cannot be expressed by words.

Would Suho even recognize him? It'd be so much better if he didn't. Then he'd just love him from afar, bid him goodbye once they pass school. Wasn't it safer?

Before he knew, the streets were covered in winter, the once suffocating humid summer had passed and slowly the snow turned into rain. Seasons went by and spring kicked in yet again, and so did Suho's contact name on Sieun's phone.  Suho finally woke up from coma...with memories they shared, all intact.

Even so, Sieun didn't receive the call, answer the texts, or show up to visit him in the hospital. he didn't feel like he deserved to. 

Spring was beautiful, filled with flowers and gentle breeze. Perhaps Suho was the spring of Sieun's life, and it was normal that no season lasts forever. Suho started attending school again at the exact moment the calendars marked ‘one year since they encountered’.