Nobody But You

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by elirasol

by elirasol

"I told you. Stay on the balls of your back foot as you retreat."

I ignored Ilia's comment and when I took rapid steps back, imagining my opponent advancing fast, I lost my balance and fell on my butt. I heard her 'tsk.' She crouched down beside me and offered her hand.

"You can't continue trying the same thing over and over again and expect a different result every time. Here," she said, offering a hand.

I swatted her hand and stood on my own. "You don't understand. You're a natural at this."

She snatched my saber from my hand as I dust myself off.

"Stop that way of thinking, Lucy! You and I? We're different. And it's a good thing. Why can't you see that?"

"Because everything you do, they always work!"

Irritation slowly formed on Ilia's face when my words registered. "Is that what you want to be? A shadow of other people?"

Pain slashed across my face and it took a beat before Elia realized her words. "I'm sorry, I—"

I hear the words 'Look at Elia! Look at Elia!' more often than I could count it's drilled deeply in my mind.

"No, you're right. But I just... I don't know how to do anything other than to be you."

She must have seen the desperation in my eyes, so I looked down to hide my face. She caught my wrist with one hand and tilted my chin up with the other. Our eyes met. Her eyes roamed around my face. Then she sighed.

She dropped her hands, still without a word, so my eyes just followed her every move. She pulled a bar of Hersheys from her back pocket, peeled it open, and broke a piece.

"Open your mouth." I obeyed without hesitation.

"Here," she said before placing the chocolate in my mouth. My eyes automatically closed when I felt the sweet delight on my tongue. The flavor blew up on my taste buds as it melted each second that passed. My insides felt a lot calmer, my mind clearer. I let myself savor the relief this piece of sweet gave me. The days we spent in practice, snacking with Hersheys on our breaks and just enjoying ourselves in spite of the muscle aches, flashed in my mind. A smile broke on my face. Distant memories slowly refueled the passion I thought was gone. I opened my eyes with a sharp glint, my mind focused.

"Better?" asked Elia with a grin on her face. I returned her grin and nodded. She placed the saber back in my hand.

"Now, go be you."

I heed Elia's suggestion. After a few failed attempts, I got the hang of it and managed to remain on my feet without losing my balance.

"See? Stop holding yourself back by doing what others do. You do you. That's only when you can begin to be your best self."