RED

PROLOGUE

I was standing there in a long queue of girls my age, in a room filled with such luxurious things that shined with even the slightest bit of movement in my position, everything is so beautiful and different from that small room that I've spent my whole life in,
with my mother.

My mother who never really liked me and always only opened her mouth to yell at me for not being born as a boy, but that wasn't my fault, it was God who made me this way, a girl.
I couldn't understand why such obsession over wanting to have a male child, what's so different in between these two, but I never asked her, scared to an earful from her
Although she never really hurt me, but her words did
I was turning mad living with her, I was suffocated to have been locked in that small room with a woman who showed even a percent of interest in me, even though she was what they call, a mother, my mother
The desire to run away from that place only grew with time,...but the thing was, my desire to run off was so little infront of my fear of encountering the outside world, I was unaware of what it actually had in store for me and the fact never failed scare me.

But thankfully to keep me sane I had those days where occasionally I was escorted out of that room, and everytime there were two men standing by the door to take me out, not leaving  my side even for a second as if to make sure I don't run off somewhere,.. even though I was scared to be around those bulky men with a metallic thing in their hands that they sticked close to their chest, which looked like a weapon that could hurt anyone who approached them including me, and hence till now I've never spoke a word to them.
But still I was still happy to come out of that room, that room which never seem to provide me with even an ounce of peace.

But strangly there was this weird feeling of leaving that woman alone in that room, my heart didnt approve of leaving her alone,
such an irony, at one point I want run away from her and never come back but at the same time I'm scared to even leave her side for a few hours, I don't understand this feeling
But maybe it's because everytime I came back to that room, I would always find her in a devastated state, lying on the bed like a lifeless doll.

She hated me and I didn't like her too, but sometimes my heart squeezed in pain when I saw her sitting on that bed, staring into nothing but blank space, her cheeks stained with dried tears, her eyes tinted red filled with unshed tears  and her hair all messed up
Outside this room I've only ever heard people singing praises of my mother's uncomparable beauty, they would say that no one in the world could match her charm
But what I see, is the exact opposite, she wasn't looking beautiful, not even in the least...if one would ask me, I would say she was looking like a wrecked porcelain doll who has been subject of the anger and frustration of her owner.

I've seen her like this countless times but there was this one time which was different and I was instilled in my mind permanently,
That day she looked like she wanted to resign from everything, as if she couldn't take it anymore, her eyes that depicted years of pain and burden, eagerly seeked for peace...but then her head turned towards me, and suddenly every pain and misery in her eyes seem to disappear as if it was never there in the first place, at that time my eyes starting raining on their own and I was unable to stop myself, reason? Unknown to even me.

And then suddenly for the first time, I saw her eyes soften up on me, and she rested her hand on top of my head, caressing my hair with gentle strokes.
As her hand moved through my hair, for once I felt like I indeed have a mother, a mother who cares for me and looks after her child without pushing her away...I didn't know what was going on with her but I knew it wasn't anything good still I stood there selfishly ignoring everything just concentrating on the love and care my mother was showering over me for the first time in my life

There was only one shortcoming now, I wanted her to smile at me
For past seven years I've lived with her, I never saw her smile,...but I always imagined to see her wearing a gentle smile and look at me and, pick me up in her arms swaying me in air until I fall asleep,
And this morning, my dream became a reality, she was smiling but strangely I wasn't happy, looking at her my body could only gather up one feeling, and that was... fear.
She looked like she was possessed, she was trying to get me ready as beautifully as she could, she made me wear a pretty frock, did my hair, and even put some makeup on my face, her dainty hands moved fast as if we would lose a train if she slowed down even a bit