Season 6 Once Upon a Time

Chapter 9

Emma entered the mansion, plastic doll clutched in her left hand and a wide grin on her face.

"Did you come here to show me your dolly? Because I assure you, Miss Swan, I don't think I want to see it."

"I'm here for two reasons, and one of them is to show you my skills." Emma responded, unperturbed by Regina's sassy remark.

"Your skills?" Regina asked.

"Yep. I'm reading that how-to-be-a-mom book and it said that a newborn poops like a hundred times a day, so you'll be changing diapers pretty much every second until it turns two and you potty train it, so I figured this was a skill I had to learn. And I learnt it."

"On a doll."

"Exactly. Watch." Emma said, waiting until she had Regina's unimpressed attention before continuing. "So you lie the baby back like this, you grab its legs, you lift it up, and take away the dirty diaper. Then, you wipe front to back if it's a girl, which is apparently really important. And if it's a boy, it doesn't matter cause men are full of shit anyway."

Regina rolled her eyes as Emma laughed at at her own joke.

"Then you slip the new diaper underneath, and you make sure the picture is facing you, then you put down the front part like so, and then you latch on the tabs and voila. Kis is changed." Emma said.

"Uh-huh."

"Yep. I watched YouTube to learn how to do it."

"As impressed as I am that you are able to change the unmoving, lifeless, and completely cooperative doll's unspoiled diaper, I'm afraid I have to say it will be an entirely different experience with a squirmy child and a very messy diaper."

"What?"

Regina flicked her wrist, the doll beginning to wiggle and turn its head, Emma letting out a shout and dropping the demonic baby onto its back. The doll instantly begins crying and Emma, horrified at the creepy creature, backed away.

"Come on now, Emma. Change its diaper. You'll need the practice."

"I am not changing that thing's diaper."

"Emma." Regina said reproachfully, trying hard not to laugh. "That is our beautiful child you're speaking so ill of and she can hear you. You've hurt her feelings."

"That thing doesn't have feelings, Regina."

"I'm afraid you're being bested by a doll, dear."

Emma looked over at the brunette, growling.

"Fine."

"Show me your skills, Emma."

"Yeah, I'll show you skills, woman." Emma muttered.

"What's that?"

"Nothing, honey. Nothing." Emma reluctantly approached the possessed toy, refusing to look at its creepy face.

Instead, she reached out and carefully grabbed its legs. It was, admittedly, a hell of a lot harder to maneuvere now that it was fighting back. But, Regina was right, she needed to get better at this, and so she grabbed both of its ankles and pulled down the front of the diaper.

And instantly dropped the doll's legs.

"Oh that's disgusting!" Emma yelled over the "baby's" cries. "What the hell is that?"

"Whatever it was that you made last week, darling. I told you one day it would inspire me."

"Okay, I'm out! So done. I'm definitely out."

"I think everyone already knows you're out, ma." Henry said with a smirk as he descended the stairs. "It wasn't exactly a state secret."

Regina snorted.