Dazai: (leaning on a wall) Well, well, well, looks like we've got some newcomers here.
Atsushi: (nervously) Um, hi, everyone. I'm Atsushi Nakajima, and this is my first day.
Kunikida: (adjusting his glasses) Welcome, Atsushi. I trust you've read the employee handbook?
Atsushi: (nods) Yes, I have.
Dazai: (grinning) Good, now forget everything it says.
Akutagawa: (crossing his arms) I am Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, and I don't tolerate incompetence.
Atsushi: (gulp) Okay, noted.
Kyouka: (softly) Hi, I'm Kyouka Izumi. I promise I won't accidentally destroy anything... today.
Atsushi: (smiles) Nice to meet you, Kyouka.
Chuuya: (sips wine) I'm Chuuya Nakahara, and I'm here to remind everyone that I'm shorter than you, Dazai.
Dazai: (laughs) As if we could forget, Chuuya.
Ranpo: (lying on a couch) I'm Ranpo Edogawa, the only detective you'll ever need. Unless you're actually looking for clues, then you're on your own.
Atsushi: (confused) Uh, okay.
Yosano: (holds up a syringe) I'm Akiko Yosano, our resident doctor. Don't worry, I've never lost a patient. Well, except for Dazai, but that was on purpose.
Dazai: (grinning) She's not kidding.
Tanizaki: (giggling) I'm Junichirou Tanizaki, and my day job is writing... grocery lists.
Atsushi: (laughs) That's unique.
Naomi: (teasing) Oh, you have no idea.
Junichirou: (nudges Naomi) Hey!
Atsushi: (feeling overwhelmed) Wow, you guys are quite the bunch.
Dazai: (winks) Welcome to the Bungo Stray Comedy Club, Atsushi. You're in for a wild ride.
---
Akutagawa: (eyeing Atsushi) So, you're the new kid, huh?
Atsushi: (nervously) Yeah, I am. Nice to meet you.
Akutagawa: (snorts) We'll see how long you last.
Kyouka: (whispering to Atsushi) Don't mind him, he's just grumpy because he ran out of ink for his poetry.
Atsushi: (confused) His poetry?
Kyouka: (nods) Yeah, he writes angsty poems in his free time. It's his way of coping.
Akutagawa: (blushing) Kyouka, you promised you wouldn't tell anyone!
---
Chuuya: (leaning close to Atsushi) Listen, kid, I may be shorter than Dazai, but I've got twice the charm.
Atsushi: (smirking) Oh, is that so?
Dazai: (interjecting) Gentlemen, please, save the charisma for another time. We have a new recruit to haze... I mean, welcome.
---
Ranpo: (sitting up suddenly) I've just had a brilliant idea for a mystery novel! It's about a rookie detective who joins a bizarre agency filled with eccentric characters!
Atsushi: (chuckles) Sounds familiar.
Yosano: (grinning) Just make sure the detective doesn't end up in my care. I can't promise a full recovery.
Dazai: (dramatic) Oh, the tragedy of it all!
---
Tanizaki: (giggling) Atsushi, you're going to love it here. We're like a dysfunctional family, but with abilities that turn every day into chaos.
Atsushi: (smiling) Dysfunctional family with abilities, huh? I think I can get used to that.
Naomi: (teasing) Oh, you have no idea.
---
Atsushi: (looking around) This place is so... unique.
Dazai: (grinning) You haven't seen anything yet, my friend. Wait till you witness Ranpo's interpretive dance of solving crimes.
Ranpo: (doing a silly dance move) You're in for a treat, Atsushi!
---
Akutagawa: (serious tone) Just remember, Atsushi, we're a team. We have each other's backs.
Dazai: (fake sobbing) That's the most heartwarming thing I've heard him say all year!
Atsushi: (chuckles) I'll keep that in mind, Akutagawa.
---
Chuuya: (holding a tiny umbrella) You'll need this when Dazai starts his dramatic monologues. He tends to make it rain inside with his tears.
Dazai: (pretending to weep) The tragedy of my existence!
Atsushi: (laughing) Thanks for the warning.
---
Yosano: (showing a medical chart) This is the health record of our office furniture. Don't be surprised if you see Tanizaki chatting with the chairs. It's... normal here.
Tanizaki: (grinning) They're great listeners!
---
Naomi: (whispering to Atsushi) If you ever need a break from the chaos, just follow the sound of Kunikida reciting his to-do list. It's oddly soothing.
Kunikida: (serious) Efficiency is key!
Atsushi: (smiling) I'll keep that in mind, Naomi.
---
YOU ARE READING
BSD: Randoms
FanfictionWelcome to a wacky version of the BSD world- cause I have no taste tHEY work together and and fight each other- anytime- anywhere for no reason at alllll Idk what to write anymore so I end it here (coughs)
