Oblivion

Chapter Three - Only speak when asked

Josephine

There was a bang, but nothing happened.

No no no no no. That couldn't be happening! I looked at the gun in my hand in disbelief before it was snatched from me in a matter of seconds. What had I done? I- I- I had to be more desperate than I thought. And why was I even still alive? My thoughts were racing against my heart. I had a gun in my hand and I really wanted to use it!

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you mental? You know what would have happened when this fucking gun was loaded?!" Domenico Marini screamed but his words hardly reached my brain. What have I done? What had become of me? I could have been dead! "Hey, I'm talking to you! What the hell was that about?"

I looked at him in a daze. His face reflected his anger and bewilderment. Why was he angry? He couldn't care less. Even better, he would get rid of all the problems that arose because of me. He shouted something again but I didn't react. I wouldn't have been able to do it even if I wanted to. God, I wanted to kill myself. I slowly started to realize what that meant and the more I thought, the more terrified I got. My hands started shaking, then my arms, and then my whole body. Arms wrapped around me and slowly brought me to the ground but the only thing I could think about was the feeling of the gun in my hand and my finger pulling the trigger. My throat tightened, the air became scarcer and scarcer until I tried to somehow breathe again. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't breathe. The click of the gun screamed in my ear, getting louder and louder. I desperately pressed my hands over my ears to get rid of the noise, but I couldn't. Everything around me became narrower, black spots appeared in my field of vision while my heart beat so hard as if my whole body was pulsating. I needed air! I was suffocating. If I didn't get some air soon... Why was everything so loud? I needed space, I- I had to do something. Everything around me became darker and darker. I opened my mouth but I couldn't say anything. Breathe Josephine, just breathe! The ringing in my ears became unbearable. Everything hurt! Everything was too much for me!

I screamed, screamed my desperation, my fear, my anger, screamed it all out in hope for some kind of relief. The ringing in my ears became less and I could hear voices around me without understanding what they were actually saying. My heart pumped and pumped, but slowly the feeling of tightness subsided and I gasped greedily for air. 'What is happening to me?' I asked myself in fear.

"Joseph!" Who was Joseph? I didn't know a Joseph.

"Joseph." It was a different voice, one much closer to me. "Joseph, listen to me carefully and do what I tell you, okay? Take a deep breath. Exactly and now - no, don't breathe out yet. Wait." How should I wait? I had to breathe again! I had to fill my lungs with air before I couldn't breathe again! "Okay, now breathe out. You're doing well. Breathe in again and hold your breath for a moment. Can you look me in the eyes?" I shook my head. Breathing was the only thing I could concentrate on right now. "That's okay, breathe out again. Very slowly and evenly. There is a painting in front of you on the opposite wall. Try to reach the painting with your breath, okay?" I silently did as I was told and after the fourth run I could gradually feel my body again. After five more I was able to perceive my surroundings.

Someone was stroking my arms soothingly as I was laying on the floor. I carefully sat up and rubbed my face. What had I done? "I-I'm-I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I did not want that!"

"It's okay. Would you like something to drink?" Unable to speak, I just nodded. I carefully reached out my hands for the cup and if Mr. Marini hadn't taken it out of my hands again, I would certainly have burned myself as my arms were still shaking like crazy. "Wait, I'll help you. There you go."

"I'm so sorry," I said again. I really didn't want all that to happen.

"We'll talk about that later. Can you manage to get on the sofa by yourself or should we help you?" asked the other Mr. Marini. I hesitantly sat up and was surprised that my legs could hold me up again. My eyes darted around the room, but thankfully the gun was no longer in sight. "Can you explain why you just tried that so we can understand?"