Mindless Scripts

Ever got fooled ?

How long has it been since we've known each other, a few months perhaps ? I truly do not know what to say. Or at least, where to start among the fluent thoughts running in my mind. Shortly, I adore thee. Longly, thou've caught what I thought was mine and earned, thou've penetrated where I thought couldn't be visited. We have been joking about this rizz we cannot stop expressing to each other, without knowing I, deep inside, meant it. Thou won my heart, at what cost ? I could recognize thee in a world where thou mute and I deaf, in a different lifetime, where the air we breathe couldn't be mixed. Everything related to thee drives me insane, going from what you like to what you hate, and are. Thy hair, simplistically brown like the wood you play in as a child, personalizing the trees as your relatives build the treehouse. Thine eyes, colored with summer leaves and my favorite color, the autumn lawn that slips through my finger when I fall to the ground, deep emerald I could stare in forever being ripped until ashy blood, could never make my wide look flinch off yours. Thy look or even these dark circles beautifully decorating this precious tired regard, located on a breathtaking constitution of human face I could have never thought falling like a well for, out of every contests. Thy silhouette, as simple as it can seem, has the curve of a ballet and the shape of perfection to me. The skin tone that painting could never allow me to recreate, that smile brighter than Icarus' murderer and that laugh slapping harder than butterflies in my weak cage. That cute giggle when I say something that isn't even funny, that piece of throat sound, a flat moan, when you're processing your thoughts, the way you raise your voice to let it crackle when you're surprised, I want all of that, that and only that. To hear, to see, to feel, let me use all of my senses to perceive you. As Achilles did, I'd ask to be buried in the same urn as yours just so we can stay close to each other endlessly. As Howl did, I'd wait an entire lifetime to find thee among the mortals and wait years, decades or centuries to smell thy breath against mine and your touch on my pale hands. Where thou go I go, where thou sing I play piano and where thou die I let my soul incarnate the rock on your honor. You're a tired teenager with a broken sleep schedule and an ambition for medicine and science. This is what I would say as a neutral individual. Is that the case ? Absolutely not. Your my heart doctor, if I may say. Your my opposite career, that I admire with all my guts. But what I adore the most, is your dedication. You don't do it for money, you do it to help people. You're kind, not material, and god damn it that's the sweetest. My poetic structural is getting balanced but following a plan would never allow me to express correctly how I feel for you. That introverted and shy side of thee that gets me closer to resembling you, these opinions we share so much, and even the ones we don't are welcomed between us, and the support thou bring me constantly when needed made me think ; I am confortable with your presence. I could talk about anything with you that you would never made me swallow my words back of embarrassment. The way you said you were proud of me, the way you said you were too busy looking at me instead of listening, the way you reminded me that I am not a burden to you, the way you felt motivated when I tried to help you for your exams, the way you worried about me when I told you about my suicidal phase, the way you got interested in my condition as a trans individual instead of referring to cliches, the way you always say « I'll talk you to you later » with a heartwarming smile when one of us leave, the way you explain to me what you've learnt in class, the way you always add this little cap on your outfits, the way you often hide your face with your delicate hand as it's your biggest insecurity, the way you call me the « sweet French boy » every time I express basic respect towards you, the way your heavy Northern, rough American accents spits on your speech that makes me understand only half the things you say,
just the fucking way you exist in my world violents me.
I can't bother to tidy my feelings, just look at my room. It's all just a mess, a pretty mess, that I have to let soon or later. I know I'll regret it.)
I'd like to share that silly little routine that you share with someone you wouldn't die or kill for, but live for. We've been acting like an old couple at 16, call me sweetheart and I'll call you dear, we'll drink tea to the sound of summer dusk and grow old. We'd rule our world with the harmony the government fails to expand, we'd take advantage of queer love to reject the norms. Everything I could give would be offered within your hands : all my attention, energy, art, music, knowledge and all you can imagine can be yours, just if you ask for it. You know what they say ? If you ever get to catch an artist's or writer's attention, you will be immortal. Nice trade, isn't it ? I could make you more than immortal with your agreement. In the hope you might feel something similar for my desperate soul, please let me know if you're willing to share anything related to said previously.
And in conclusion, shortly again, I love you.

(Context if anyone (the voices in my head) wondered, a guy I've had a crush on for 8 months (from February to... September now)  that I told no one about because I'm.. ashamed of it. I'm not openly gay, I can't say that. I can't say I've fallen for someone I barely have contact with. I know he's gay but I don't think he has interest in me.
I have admitted my feelings to him, I did, and it did not conclude to anything. We are still friends, and I still have no idea if he likes me back lmao)

(Btw I ain't sharing no info bout anyone mentioned here, so don't ask)