A Sullen Nightfall

Another night of work done, another regret made. The man had just left, leaving her no alone time for that night. She lay with her head rested on the armrest of the ugly sofa, her long brunette hair mangled everywhere. Only ten dollars was left on her dilapidating coffee table. Penelope fixated her vision on Mufasa, her fat, rusty red coloured tabby, as he stretched, claws digging into the torn up carpet of their small, run down apartment. She lay on her ugly moss-coloured sofa that was made of cheap ripping fabric. It really wasn't comfortable, but she didn't really care anymore.
Penelope looked at the clothes on the ground at the foot of her bed that were left from previous nights. She would return them, but she didn't know the names of any of the men from any of her one-night stands. She never did, and if they told her, she definitely wouldn't remember. That wasn't even one of her regrets, not knowing their names. The amount of regrets built up in her overfilled thoughts and memories couldn't even compare to that one minuscule detail.
Mufasa walked up and jumped on the ancient couch that Penelope lay on, nudging his head on her leg kindly, as if sensing that she wasn't in the best of moods. She never was anymore, but it seemed as if today was more off than most. She regretted most of her life decisions. Her income was based on how many guys she could please within her time, getting as much as they paid her. She wanted to change, but she could never find the strength to do it.
Penelope stood up, wiping a few stray tears from her eyes, then walked over to her coffee table, grabbing a shabby paintbrush which was worn from many uses as she looked up at her walls. Cheap, worn canvases of sunsets and skylines of big, beautiful cities far off from Los Angeles that she could only dream of were hung on her walls with rusted nails and fraying twine. She looked at the canvas she left on her kitchen counter, which contained unfinished strokes on a citric coloured tarpaulin. The rough strokes seemed to be screaming for completion. Penelope's only happiness was in her paintings. Imagining beauty better than what she had currently was all she could ever dream of.
Mufasa let out a light mew, hopping onto the counter. Penelope scratched behind Mufasa's ear as he began to purr. She knew that she would have to begin another day of work soon so she could buy him some more cat food, as well as her herself some food, maybe a new paintbrush and some more paint if she was lucky enough today.

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

Penelope laid next to another man, this time with an age relatively similar to her own, on her couch. It's been months since this has happened; usually the men are in their late teens or are creepy men in their late forties that she doesn't really feel comfortable with, yet does it anyways, knowing she needs the money.
"I have a simple question," The male beside her begun. "Do you enjoy what you do?"
Penelope turned towards him with complete awe. Never has any guy asked her about her feelings, let alone talked to her after the time was done. She bit her lip, knowing he was focused on what her response was going to be.
Without thinking, she let out a sob. The man looked at her, realizing she was in agony and despair, enveloping her in his embrace. She let out more tears than she ever had in front of anyone before, and the man just comforted her exposed, porcelain body as she let out all the pain she has ever felt in her life with just her tears and sobs.
"I hate what I have done with my life," She managed to get out in between sobs. "I just want to change my ways but I don't know how to get out of this constant cycle of misery and regrets."
"If you want to fix your life, all you have to do is try. You don't want to have a bigger mistake happen to place you into realization." The man said, massaging soothing circles on Penelope's back.
"It's not that simple!" She screamed, pushing herself out of his embrace, covering her puffy eyes with her hands. "I've been raped on multiple occasions, I've been sexually assaulted by 'family', and I've already had four abortions. What misfortune do I need to force me out of this cycle? I'm addicted, goddamn, and I hate it so much! Ever since I was a little girl, I've seen this world as a berth filled with melancholy that the devil himself slept on, and all I had to do was wriggle my way out of his embrace to maybe somehow find a sweet dream lost in a sea of hellish nightmares. I have nothing good going for me in my life, so I'm stuck facing every single day sleeping with any man willing. Heck, I've even done it with a few women too, as long as it gets me enough to pay my rent and feed my cat. My mind may have a sexual preference, but my income doesn't."
The man observed her potent emotions. Unsure of what to do, he slid on his black pants, reached for his wallet in his pocket, and pulled out a fifty dollar bill. He placed it on her lap, then walked to her bed as he pocketed his wallet, pulling off the blanket and putting it over her shoulders.
"What are you doing?" Penelope asked, looking at him with her glossy teal eyes, giving her a slight look of innocence.
"Helping you," The man replied, picking up his royal blue shirt, sliding it over his head. "I feel as if I took advantage of you now since I found out you hate what you do. I hate what I've done to you. The pay should get you food for you and your cat, as well as anything else needed, like new clothes. Now, I'd better be off. I've put you through enough pain."
"Wait," Penelope called at the man as he began to escort himself towards the exit. He stopped, turning around. She looked down nervously, afraid to make eye contact as she spoke. "Would it be wrong if I got your name?"
The man smiled at her kindly, letting out a soft chuckle. "My name is Saiden. Odd name, I know. My parents were odd people, but kind. I'd best be off, unless there's anything else you need."
Penelope thought for a moment. She's never met a man so kind to her. He seems to be someone who may be able to help her, or at least comfort her when she needs it.
"Yes, there's one more thing," She began, running to her counter, leaving the blanket on the sofa so she was standing by her counter completely exposed. She reached for a pen and a piece of paper, then wrote seven numbers down. She ran over to him, handing him the piece of paper. "My number. Please call me whenever you have the chance. I'm often in desperate need of a friend."
Saiden smiled at her, kindly receiving and pocketing the paper. "I'll be sure to give you a call... uh, what's your name?"
"Penelope." She smiled.
"Penelope." He repeated, opening the door. He looked back at her once more, then exited her apartment room, shutting the door gently. Mufasa scurried over to her feet as she stood at her door for a few moments, seeming to be in a daze.
"Saiden." She whispered to herself, smiling at the closed door, picturing his ruffled brown hair, chocolate coloured eyes, and bright, clean smile. His kind gestures. The heat of his body and the circular patterns he massaged on her back as she let out her river of tears that she had kept closeted in the back of her emotions.
Penelope walked back to the sofa, reaching on the ground beside it for her street clothes, which was simply a plain grey dress made of t-shirt material so she wouldn't catch too much attention. She slid it on, her eyes catching gaze of the fifty dollars on her sofa. Her face brightened, looking at Mufasa. She picked up the money, then knelt in front of her tabby, grinning as she showed him it. He looked at it intently with his one blue eye, mewing.
"We'll be eating like royalty tonight, Mufasa!" She exclaimed with a huge smile. "I'll get you the best cat food I can, and I'll be able to buy a new paintbrush and some more paint! I'll even be able to buy you some treats! Oh, Saiden is such a kind man, Mufasa."
Mufasa mewed once more, nudging the money with his nose. Penelope let out a giggle as she shoved the money in her small, tattered purse she kept under her sofa, then stood up, teasing her hair a bit with her hands. She then grabbed a shawl and headed out into the chilly autumn weather.
Skid Row was where Penelope lived. As the 80's grew older, she found the place became more intoxicated by smog and drug dealers, beggars and malnourished folk. She made her way through, shoving past the men grabbing at her arms, trying to steal any money or items they thought she had. They've managed to steal food and money from her before, which caused her to go hungry for three days. Heroin and marijuana were being pushed at her in an attempt to get her to try it, maybe getting her addicted so she'd give all her money to them. She clutched the fifty dollars inside her purse, protecting it with her life as she finally made her way through Skid Row, her surroundings progressively becoming more calm and less hectic. Fruit stands were set up, and a diner that had been around since the 50s was behind them. Penelope told herself that one day she'd let herself sit down and buy a milkshake there with her old friend Marie, the only friend she had really kept somewhat in contact with from high school. Of course, she hadn't hung out with Marie in ages. Marie had married to a doctor and she was living in the more wealthier parts of Los Angeles, closer to where a few celebrities lived, but not exactly in that area. Penelope was jealous of where Marie's life led her, but she couldn't complain. Marie kept her life in order and stayed out of going to parties and such with Penelope. Considered the typical good girl, she never understood why Marie kept her around as a friend.
Penelope made her way to the pet store first, which was only a few stores down from the diner, only a laundromat and an antique shop separated the stores. She walked in, a little white puppy greeting her at her feet. She smiled as it yapped and licked her shins while she made her way to the cat section, grabbing a box of Tender Vittles cat food and Whiska's cat treats. The price came to $4.67, so she had the rest of the money to spend on herself.
Penelope continued walking down the road to see what other shops there were. She often just stopped at one of the street stands for cheap food, but she felt like with this money, she could find better food, maybe even a cute clothing store. Penelope felt like a queen, holding more money than she ever imagined she'd be able to spend on herself.
After walking for a good five minutes, her eyes caught a glimpse of a small little craft store at the corner of the street. She sped over there with determination, swinging open the door. She closed her eyes, inhaling the smell of paper, paint, wood, and glue. Five aisles of art supplies in the small shop, all standing in her sight like a haven just for her. She slowly walked down each aisle, calmly picking up different paints, an assortment of paintbrushes, a few small canvases, and some strong twine to hang more paintings on. Her hands were full of supplies, which seemed to please the lady at the till when she went to pay.
"That will be $10.42, please." The woman smiled. Penelope graciously gave her the money to pay, watching eagerly as the woman placed all her supplies in a bag. It's been two years since she's been able to get new art supplies besides cheap bottles of paint given to her randomly by creepy strangers on her street. That's often how the people on her street payed her for the nights. For new paint or any type of art supplies, she'd do almost anything. She knew that sounded absolutely pathetic, but for someone who can barely afford rent in Skid Row, she knew it really was all she could do.
After running to a few grocery stores, Penelope had roughly twenty dollars left. She decided that it would probably be most appropriate to allow herself to buy some new clothes. Her only hesitation was what store to go to. She knew that a Triumph lingerie store was just at the end of the block, but did she really need another prostitute costume? A Merry Go Round clothing shop was just around the corner past it, but how often does she really wear regular clothes? Penelope pondered on the thought of which store was best to go to. She knew winter was coming soon, so maybe she could buy a jacket? Her sales weren't as good in the winter because it's much too cold to completely expose herself on the streets. Then again, a good coat would cost her at least twenty five dollars.
Penelope sighed, then began to turn around. She didn't wish to treat herself today with new clothes. The decision on what to get was too much for her today. She didn't really feel the effort. Maybe today could be a day to treat Mufasa, and she could go back to the pet store and buy him a few toys. Then with her remaining money, she could possibly buy herself a snack, or even a malt at the diner.
She entered the pet store, the same little puppy greeting her by barking and jumping at her feet. She walked down the pet toy aisle this time, looking at all the things she could possibly buy for Mufasa. The man working in the store approached her while she was observing a small catnip mouse.
"Back again already?" He asked her, smiling kindly.
"Yeah," Penelope giggled. "Turned out that I had some extra money to spend, so it looks like I'll be spoiling my cat today."
"I see," He began. "Those little catnip mice you're looking at are twenty five cents. My kitten absolutely loves them."
"Think an old fat tabby might like a couple too?" Penelope asked. The man laughed.
"I'm sure your cat will enjoy them just as much as mine does." He responded gleefully.
"Great!" Penelope exclaimed, picking up a few more of the catnip mice toys, all in an assortment of colours. "What else would you recommend?"
"Well, we recently got this in stalk," The man began, guiding Penelope to the other end of the aisle. "It's called the Turbo Scratcher. Your cat can scratch the centre of the circle, as well as play around with the ball that runs on an orbit around the scratching part. It's six dollars if you're interested."
"I'm so interested!" Penelope blissfully rejoiced with a laugh. "I'll take one."
"Great!" The man joyfully responded.
"I think I'm ready to pay now. My cat will surely be ecstatic." She assured.
"Perfect," The man remarked as they walked to the till. He rang up everything Penelope held, then began to bag it as he stated the price, which was seven dollars and eighty seven cents.
Still with money to spare, Penelope left the shop now full-handed. She had decided she would go back home for a while to fool around with Mufasa, then go to the diner for supper. She hadn't gone out for dinner in years, so she felt as if today was a day to be spoiled.
Tents made of plastic garbage bags, tarp, and cardboard had begun to be set up for another night on the streets for the homeless people that lived along the streets of Skid Row. A few bodies, either passed out or passed away lay on the sidewalk, souls only to be forgotten, left to rot on the street with no proper burial. The smell of fire being held by a group of beggars happened near the side of Penelope's apartment building, a single can of beans being held over the fire to cook. She expected the group of maybe ten people around the fire would all be sharing that one can.
Penelope opened the building door. An immediate waft of cigarette smoke filled her lungs, causing her to let out a wheezing cough. There, on the stairs sat Ebele Ali, the woman who lived in the apartment room underneath of Penelope's. Ebele sat with her legs folded, cigarette between her index and middle finger as she took another drag, blowing out smoke. Mangled black hair fell from her head in a way that looked like dreadlocks that just didn't want to become real dreadlocks. Ebele's almost-black eyes met Penelope's sparkling teal eyes.
"Shoppin' like a teenagah, are ya?" Ebele said through her raspy voice.
"I guess you could say that." Penelope replied reluctantly. "I really only got myself some food for the cat and I, as well as some art supplies and cat toys."
"Be lucky you're able to get yourself art supplies," Ebele rolled her eyes. "That art shahp ova' thehre ain't sell nothin' to us black folk. Tried buyin' li'l Amere and Neema some crayons and guess what that lady say to me? She say, 'We don't sell to no negros!' Mah lord, I nearly blew a fume. All I wanted was some crayons for mah kids!"
"I've planned on going back that way a little later today," Penelope began. "Would you like me to pick up a box of crayons for the little ones?"
"Mah God, would ya do that fo' me?" Ebele asked with an elated tone.
"Of course, Ebele. You're always so generous to me, so it's the least I can do. Now I must be off, for these bags are getting heavy." Penelope said, walking past Ebele on the stairs.
"God bless ya, mah dear." Ebele smiled, taking one more drag of her cigarette before lighting the butt out on the stair she sat on, leaving it there and heading towards her room on the main floor.
Penelope fumbled with the key as she went to unlock her door, trying not to drop any of her bags. She unlocked it then ran to the sofa, dropping all of her bags on the cushions. She then ran back to her door, pulling out the keys and closing her door. Mufasa, seeming to have been sleeping on Penelope's pillow on her bed, stretched, making his way towards her in salutations. She reached down and gave him a scratch behind the ear, then walked to her sofa to grab his new surprises. She pulled out the food first, bringing it to his bowl and pouring a bit in for when he got hungry. She walked back, then pulling out the Turbo Scratcher. She placed it on the floor in front of Mufasa. Instinctively, he pounced at the ball, swatting at it while it spun around the side. Penelope smiled, watching the joy filled within the cat. His playfulness in that moment reminded her of when she first named Mufasa. It wasn't when she first found him. The name didn't come until later.
She found Mufasa on Skid Row three years ago when she was twenty-four, right beside her apartment. One of the local gangs were kicking him, laughing as if it was some sort of game. The moment Penelope turned to see what was happening, one of the ruthless boys kicked the cat in the head. She nearly gagged as she saw one of the eyes exiting the cat's socket, the boys laughing, high five-ing the one that just kicked the helpless creature. Enraged, Penelope had run at them furiously. The gang, stunned that a hooker had come to stop their fun watched in surprise as she reached at their feet for the beaten cat. The cat mewed weakly with a wounded undertone. She had glared at the gang, flipping them off as she carried the helpless cat into her apartment. She nursed the poor thing back to health. She decided to name the cat Mufasa, for the name reminded her of strength and courage, which in this situation really showed her that is what this little guy was.
She shook herself out of her daze as she smiled at the cat's playful enthusiasm towards his new toy. She grabbed her grocery bags and began putting the food and drinks in the retro fridge and chipping wooden cupboards. Her cupboards and fridge were often empty, so she felt satisfied when she was able to fill them up halfway.
When completing that task, Penelope gave Mufasa a gentle tap on the head, grabbed the extra ten dollars from the night before, then heading on her way out to the diner.
The can of beans were being fought over. Hallucinations were clearly being dealt with from the people high on drugs. Police were arresting yet another person. The later it got, the more hectic Skid Row became. The taste of marijuana filled the air, causing her to become a bit lightheaded. You didn't even need to pay money for drugs when you could simply get high off the air. Babies cried, men yelled, and a few gunshots were heard every now and then from police who couldn't calm down intoxicated people on some sort of funky drug they probably created themselves out of whatever they could get their hands on. Cigarette smoke stifled clean air from entering her lungs. She avoided eye contact with everyone on the street until she rushed through the people and exited the noxious community and into the quiet middle class area that the diner was located in. She smiled to herself, walking into the place, the smell of burgers and milkshakes filling her nose. A juke box played Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley, groups of teenagers sitting at booths laughing and smiling, milkshakes and malts overflowing with whipped cream in front of every one of them. Burgers and hotdogs were being brought to booths by young men in aprons and women wearing poodle skirts to give the place a retro vibe, as if the diner hadn't aged since it first opened.
Penelope sat herself in an open booth, the red leather seat touching her thighs. The seat was cold, but the air was warm, so she figured it evened out. Anything was better than her own home currently.
The bell on the door rang as another person entered the diner. The man was semi-tall with brown hair. Penelope knew she had saw him before. Suddenly, it hit her.
Saiden.
His eyes met hers, and a smile creeped on his face as he walked towards her booth. He sat down across from her, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Nice to see you again, Penelope." He beamed. "Also, it's nice to see you in street clothes."
Penelope let out a nervous chuckle, feeling slightly flustered. She looked down at her lap awkwardly, afraid to keep the eye contact.
"Nice to see you too, Saiden." She said softly, a shy undertone touching her voice.
"It's nice to have a new friend here while I visit the area. You're by far the most unique friend I've made yet." He explains to her. "As you see, I'm out here on a business trip. I'm staying in the area for about a month, trying out new things. Clearly one of the things I tried wasn't for say, proper."
No kidding, Penelope thought. You're on a business trip, unless your career involves sexual interaction with Skid Row hookers.
Instead, Penelope let out a giggle, nodding her head in agreement.
"Anyways, the meal is on me. Order anything you'd like. I'll pay." Saiden continued. Penelope's eyes widened like a deer in headlights, not expecting that to be offered.
"No, you can't." Penelope responded frantically.
"And why not?" Saiden raised a brow at her.
"Because," She retorted. "Because, uh..." She was lost for words.
"Guess it's settled then." Saiden smirked triumphantly. Penelope jokingly rolled her eyes at him.
"Hello there!" A waitress suddenly exclaimed. "My name is Jordyn and I will be your waitress today. Are y'all ready to start off with any drinks?"
"A vanilla malt, please." Penelope smiled.
"Make that two, please." Saiden chimed in. Jordyn scrawled the order on her notepad, then handed each of them a small menu.
"I'll be back with the malts shortly. While I'm gone, feel free to look and prepare to order your meal." Jordyn smiled at them, walking off towards the kitchen.
Penelope opened the menu, eyes widening. Pictures of the food available danced in her sight, her face lighting up with excitement. Penelope had never been to a diner before. Actually, she had never been to any restaurant before. She felt as if she was being treated to luxury, being able to choose whatever she wanted.
"I heard the burgers here are really good," Saiden began. "I'm not fond of burgers, but I'm tempted to try one anyways."
"I've never had a burger before, but it does look delicious." Penelope responded, her sight not leaving the menu.
"What?" Saiden loudly questioned. "How have you not had a burger before? It's basically America's national food!"
"I don't know why," Penelope shrugged. "No time to make them, no time to buy one, not gifted one as a child."
"Your parents must've hated you if they didn't ever make you a burger, or even take you to McDonalds as a kid to try one." Saiden exclaimed.
"They did hate me." Penelope looked up from her menu, glaring at Saiden. "If they didn't hate me and mistreat me, do you think I would've resorted to this life when hundreds of opportunities are out there? I was basically their background noise. That extra thing in the corner that they kept needing to spend money on. I felt like an out of order vending machine. They'd give me money, then kick me and complain when they got nothing in return. Finally, I was abandoned, left to rot by myself." Penelope snapped, fire in her eyes.
"You wouldn't need to resort to this life if you looked past the neglect of your childhood. Isn't there something you'd rather be other than a hooker?" Saiden spoke loudly, catching the attention of a few people around.
Penelope looked down, flustered with demure and self-spite. She waited a moment until attention eventually left their booth until she decided to reply.
"An artist." She whispered. "I want to be an artist. I want to be known for my gradient citric sunsets and vast, unimaginable skylines we as people only dream of laying eyes upon. I want the eyes of millions to see my paintings and go, 'Wow, this is amazing'. I want to be known for good things. Instead, I'm known for being a sex addict with an ugly one-eyed cat from the streets. I put that 'ugly cat' before my life! I just want Mufasa to live a happy life and not experience the pain and suffering I go through daily." Penelope stood up sharply. Her voice had risen more than she had noticed. Jordyn the waitress was standing at their table with the drinks. Embarrassed, Penelope sat down as Jordyn placed the malts on the table. She and Saiden gave her gratitude, and the two of them simply ordered burgers.
The rest of the dinner was spent with awkward stares, biting burgers, and quietly sipping their vanilla malts. After the humiliating event, both felt rather uncomfortable speaking, afraid that an occurrence like that may happen once more. Once both of them had finished their meals, Saiden quietly payed, and both of them exited the building.
"I must get to work now, Penelope." Saiden told her. "It was very nice seeing you here."
"Pardon my asking, but where are you working?" Penelope questioned.
"Over at the hospital ten blocks down. One of the surgeons broke their hand, and there were no other interns, so they sent me here until his hand is healed again. Now I really just be off. I'd be in trouble if I was late. Farewell, miss Penelope!" Saiden waved, hurrying off in the direction of the hospital.
No wonder he's able to give so much money, he's a goddamn doctor. Penelope thought. That's why he was able to pay me so heavily and buy me dinner. If only I were able to pay him back one day.
Penelope sighed, walking in the direction of the art shop. Her eyes caught glimpse of the corner of the antique shop. To her dismay, she had spotted the gang members from three years back in the store, being ignorant and throwing a vase around, the shopkeeper trying to get them to stop. Penelope looked down, rushing to the end of the block to reach the art shop so the boys wouldn't catch sight of her.
She made it to the art shop, the scent of art supplies less appealing now since Ebele had told her how racist the storekeeper was. She spitefully grabbed a pack of crayons, then placed it on the counter in front of the woman.
"Back again, madam?" The woman asked, scanning the crayons and handing the box to Penelope. She nodded slightly.
"Your purchase will only be a quarter." The woman told her. Penelope vigorously scavenged in her purse, placing a quarter on the counter. She then leaned over the counter with a glare.
"Next time you see a black family walk in to buy crayons, don't you even think about telling them they aren't allowed, or this will be my final purchase at this shop." Penelope hissed. The woman nodded, slightly frightened. Penelope stood up straight, smoothing her dress with her free hand, zipped up her purse, then walked out in an organized manner.
She entered Skid Row once more. Of course, since it was about 7:30 at night, the smell of tobacco and marijuana filled the air. Blood from cocaine nosebleeds and intense physical fights were on the ground. Alcoholics were already passed out in the alleyway that separated her apartment from the bar. This was always the best time for getting another guy, but Penelope was set for the day.
When entering the apartment building, Ebele's husband Farai was sitting on the staircase, watching Amere and Neema play around on the small, tight staircase. Neema caught sight of me and stopped playing with Amere momentarily. She gave me a wide smile, her yellowing teeth showing in her smile.
"Good day, Miss Tuls." She smiled. She picked up one of the small braids in her hair. "My mama did my hair for me. Ain't it pretty?"
"Very pretty." Penelope smiled kindly.
"Are those crayons?" Amere asked suddenly, pointing at the box in Penelope's hand. She smiled, nodding at him.
"They are. Your mother said you two wanted new crayons, so I went out and bought some for you.
"Thank ya so much, Miss Tuls!" Amere and Neema both shouted happily in a scattered unison, Amere grabbing the crayons, his eyes glistening with happiness.
Farai looked up at Penelope, giving her a hopeful smile, though his eyes were filled with pain.
"Mr. Ali, I told the woman to let you buy art supplies from her shop. I'm pretty sure I had gotten the point across." Penelope informed Farai.
"How much do we owe ya, honey?" He asked her.
"Not a penny. This one's on me." Penelope smiled. She began walking up the stairs, ruffling Amere's short curls in the process. "Now I'd best be off. Tell Ebele I said hello."
"Will do. God bless ya, honey." Farai smiled, the children waving as Penelope made her way up the stairs.
When she got into her room, she pulled her blanket off of the sofa, went to her bed, and fell asleep in her clothes that she had just been on the street in. She was beyond happy with the day, so she figured she'd just go to sleep immediately, fatigue of the day's excitement filling her body. She had met a kind man, made Mufasa happy with the money she received, and got to finally go out for dinner for the first time in years.
Satisfaction, She thought. Kindness, love, and generously. That's what I felt today for the first time in my life. Never have I ever felt happier.
For the first time in years, she fell asleep with a smile on her face.
♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎
Penelope had discovered that Saiden only worked from 7 PM to 2 AM on midnight emergency surgeries. Every day for the month he was to be in Los Angeles, he told her that he would take her to a new sight every day and pay for her room's rent, every meal, and every meal for her cat so she could have a break and try and put some happiness in her life, so she'll have something to hold onto when he needs to leave.
The first day, Saiden drove her to Little Tokyo. The colours of red and white traditional lamps graced her eyes. Cute shops filled with clothes, toys, and food held a load of unique smells. People laughed and smiled as they walked from shop to shop, most people almost definitely having something in their hands from one of the places.
Saiden parked his silver car, and the both of them hopped out, looking around. Loud chattering in many different languages were heard from all over. Street-shops varied from selling sushi to hand fans. Penelope looked around in amazement, finally fixating her gaze on pretty floral dresses. They had long sleeves and seemed to reach the ground when worn.
"Saiden, look!" Penelope exclaimed. "They're so beautiful. What kind of dresses are they?"
"They're called kimonos," He explained. "They're Japanese traditional clothing for women."
"All the Japanese women must look beautiful for events where they wear traditional clothes." Penelope smiled, seeming to be in a trance. "Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful to be amongst them? To walk in one while the sun sets, cherry blossom petals falling down like a light shower... I could only dream of it."
"Why don't we do that, then?" Saiden smiled. "Choose one. I'll buy it. At the end of the day, we'll walk by the pond while the sun sets. The cherry blossom petals will sprinkle on your head, and you'll look just as beautiful as a Japanese Empress."
An uplifted feeling of surprise filled Penelope as she snapped herself out of her reverie. Her eyes lingered upon all the otherworldly regalia, observing and contemplating as to which one she should choose to wear. Her eyes finally infatuated on one that was a pastel lavender colour filled with tea rose pink flowers. An eton blue sash finished off the beautiful kimono. Penelope automatically knew that this was the one she wanted.
She pulled it off the rack and showed it to Saiden, a smile widely spread on her face.
"This one." She stated. "Its colours inspire me for a new sullen sunset to paint."
"I've always had a thing for nightfalls." Saiden smiled.
"A nightfall?" Penelope questioned, raising a brow.
"It's another word for sunset. I feel it has a more captivating sound to it when I say nightfall. Don't you think so?"
"I guess I think so." Penelope, though slightly baffled, agreed.
"Great. Now let's pay for this. I can't see this being too expensive." Saiden smiled.
After paying, Penelope slid the kimono on over her plain grey dress she had worn yesterday. She hadn't really owned any other street clothes, not used to really leaving the apartment for urban leisure.
Many other women wore kimonos bought from shops, she noticed, as they walked. Young children carried around iconic Japanese toys, the men carrying their wife's bags. The smell of rice, sushi, and other foreign goodies filled the air, for lunchtime was nearing.
"Let's find a spot to lunch at." Saiden stated, grabbing Penelope's wrist and guiding her through people as they searched for a small restaurant or café to eat at. The two eventually made their way and found a small restaurant called Wakasaya, which seemed to sell mainly ramen and seafood, which couldn't be more expected. Both of them ordered the ramen, seeing how the majority of fish sold on the menu was different types of octopus. They ate at the table politely and respectfully, eating their entire dish of food. They paid, then left.
The rest of their day was spent by window shopping and tasting different types of sweets. Penelope's favourite shop by far was the Hello Kitty store, where Saiden even bought her a large Hello Kitty plush.
When the sun began to set, they walked near the pond and the cherry blossom trees. Petals fell slightly, though not as much as Penelope had imagined they would. The sky turned to a gradient colour of yellow, orange, pink, and violet, which slowly faded to a midnight blue.
"A sullen nightfall." Penelope whispered to herself. "Saiden, it's absolutely beautiful here."
"Look at the way the sky glistens in the pond, Penelope." Saiden pointed out. Penelope turned her view to the glistening indigo waves, reflecting the moonlight and evanescent sky.
"Penelope, why a sullen nightfall, of all things?" Saiden suddenly questioned.
"Well," Penelope began. "The further my life goes without getting better, the darker I find the world. Even the sunsets in my imagination become more sullen. Haven't you noticed how my paintings used to be extravagant and only filled with citric colours? I only add those colours for where it's necessary now, for the rest houses dark colours. Darkness is overtaking me, and I'm spiralling into an unescapable depression. At this point, I've stopped caring and learned to accept it. But you know what? I'll get over it. That's what my family always said." She clutched the oversized Hello Kitty plush tightly in a hug. Saiden, speechless, only gave her an understanding nod. Unsure if comfort or alone time was more needed, he stood there, simply staring at her in silence until his mind was made. She was the kind of girl who's clearly been neglected for her entire life. Human contact is the best form of showing that you care. He walked over, gently wrapping an arm around her waist, comforting her in a subtle manner.
Gentle touch. Kind heart. Warm personality. A heated feeling overcame Penelope at the sweet gesture Saiden displayed. Something about him made her heart flutter.
Maybe, just maybe, he was the key to my success of ending my cycle on the sex market. Maybe he's like a gift. Penelope thought to herself. Now I know I need to open the door.
♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎
Day after day spent, more and more did Penelope slowly release herself from her sex addiction. She's learned how to have fun without lust all thanks to Saiden. The sights they saw kept inspiring her time after time to paint a new beautiful scene.
Then came the day where Penelope didn't want to leave the apartment. She didn't want to go out. She had realized her period was about two weeks late. She had been painting the autumn trees in a small park that her and Saiden went to visit a few days back. When reaching for the bright red paint, it had all occurred to her. She ran her way to the nearest pharmacy in Skid Row just down her block.
"No no no no no," She kept muttering under her breath as she ran in, storming down every single aisle to try and find a pregnancy tester. When finding where one was, she tore it off the shelf, throwing a dollar bill on the counter at the till. The cashier didn't bother stopping, knowing Penelope has had a history of this.
She stormed her way back to her apartment room, tears beginning to stream down her face in shame as she tore open the door, slamming it vigorously, then running into her small bathroom. The walls were painted a combination of a dingy moss green and urine yellow, paint chipping on every wall. The bathroom consisted of a metal tub about five feet long and one foot wide, leaving a four foot by four foot space for a toilet and a sink.
Penelope sat on the the toilet, tears streaming down her face until she knew the test was over. Closing her eyes, she took the tester out, closing her eyes for a moment before allowing herself to reveal the results.
Positive.
A burdened sob filled with complete melancholic despair escaped her throat as she dropped the test on the floor. She didn't need to double check, she already knew what was happening.
I was going to fix my life, She thought. I was going to get myself out of this cycle and sell my paintings. I was going to improve my life, but how can I improve my life when I have a baby from a strange man inside me?
Penelope pulled up her undergarment, then walked out of the restroom in her now tear-stained grey dress. She looked for a moment at the cat, who gave her a sympathetic look, as if he was psychologically telling her, "Please don't be sad, mama. Don't hurt, because I can't help you like you helped me."
Tears continued to stream down her face as she leaned over and stroked him, disenchanted. She stood up, taking a deep breath.
I can't live for knowing I've clearly failed myself. I can't have another abortion. I can't care for this baby. There isn't another option.
The phone rang. Penelope answered, and Saiden's cheerful voice spoke, "We're going to the Art District today! I can't see anything more inspiring for your art than this!" Saiden cheered.
Penelope didn't respond. She just hung up the phone, walking to the kitchen counter. She slowly pulled open a drawer. Her knife drawer. The small assortment of kitchen knives, butcher knives, and butterknives lay out, completely optional for her to choose. Her hands lingered to the big butcher knife, grabbing it by the handle. She paused for a moment, staring at her porcelain reflection in the blade of the knife. She heard a soft mew from Mufasa, though she didn't dare turn to see his innocent face emotionally shattering. Her eyes lingered to her flat stomach, a baby bump unseeable yet. She knew if she just did this now, the child wouldn't have enough time to properly develop yet, so she'd at least feel slightly innocent, as if she was only taking one life instead of two.
She aimed it for her lower abdomen, roughly wear the embryo would be growing.
Deep breath, and....
Stab.
She fell to the ground, lying in a pool of her own blood in excruciating pain. She didn't scream or cry in pain. She simply lay quietly, tears falling from her eyes like a leaky tap. She knew eventually the leak would end, she just didn't know when.
"Penelope?" Saiden said loudly, knocking. It must've been said a few times before, but ringing filled her ears, which muted most of what was going on. Pounding on the door sounded like a simple knock. Pounding turned into slamming, and unmistakably he was trying to break down the door to get in.
The door tore open, and her world turned black.
♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎
"Mama, Papa, I want to go out and play with Marie." A young Penelope said, smiling at her parents. As always, they looked away. She pouted in frustration. Why did they never do anything when she talks to them?
"I'm going to go out anyways then. I'll walk there. I'm eight, so I'm old enough by now!" She exclaimed, beginning to walk towards the door.
"No." Mama finally said, turning. "Uncle Wesley is coming over to babysit you. Behave, because we don't want to hear any complaints about your behaviour."
"But Uncle Wesley isn't nice to me." She tried to explain.
"Shut up, little girl," Papa suddenly snapped, grabbing Penelope by her blouse collar. "Obey Uncle Wesley or you'll be in big trouble. Mama and I are going. Shut your mouth and do what you're told."
A knock was heard from our house door, and Uncle Wesley walked in as if he didn't even need to knock, considering he knew the door was always left unlocked.
"Watch the rat for us. We'll be back by nine tonight." Mama said, Papa exiting behind her. No goodbyes or adieus were said, and Uncle Wesley and Penelope were left alone.
"Oh little girl, don't you just love it when I'm babysitting?" He smiled. Penelope rapidly shook her head no. "Ah ah, incorrect answer. Come here darling, let Uncle Wesley look at you."
Penelope walked slowly towards him, looking up at him vulnerably. He ruffled her hair kindly until he heard the motor of the car start outside and the sound of it driving away. His hand immediately went from her head to where her blouse was folded into her plaid school skirt
"No Uncle Wesley, please don't." Penelope sobbed, feeling her blouse being untucked.
"By the time you're in your teens, you'll have this sensation a whole lot more with many boys your age. Might as when start."