Poems and letters

crush story

So... let me start here.
There's this guy I really liked in secondary school. And when I say like I mean like like, at a point I thought I fell in love with him. So it started on this day..... he was playing football cos he's an athlete and I saw him that day my whole world stopped, it felt like I just saw an angel. I didn't really know what made me so drawn to him, but I felt like I could do anything for him.
We were having sports day and I was like standing at the entrance and he was coming with his friends and he touched my back, telling me to leave the entrance. I swear when he touched my back it felt like my whole body was on fire and electricity at the same time, and I've never felt like that before. So I quietly left the entrance for him. And through out that day , I was so happy, I couldn't stop blabbing about it to my friend, even if it was a small touch it felt big to me.
As time went on people started to know I liked him, because whenever he passed, it'll look as if I was gonna faint. I couldn't breathe probably when he's around, my heart skips a lot when he's around, I couldn't form a simple sentence when he's around, I embarrass myself when he's there. I remember I would be so shy to pass his class cos he's in a higher class than me.
I wouldn't even know when I start writing his name on all my books and my desk. Yes I was so whipped.
But fun fact, his sister didn't like me, I didn't really know why though.
His younger brother got to know I had a crush on him, and he told his brother (my crush) , and when he came to school the next day, he told me that he told his brother that I liked him, so I asked him what was his reaction, he said he just shrugged it of and smiled.
And trust me when he said smiled, it gave me a little hope. Little did I know I wasn't even close.
I wrote a letter for him, and I wanted to put it in his bag, but my mom caught me writing it at home, and she scolded me really badly that day, she tore the letter.
I was getting so attached, obsessive and possessive about a guy that didn't even have a ounce of feelings for me.i started stalking his socials during quarantine, my friend even helped me get his number, I was to shy to chat with him, so my friend was helping me to chat with him(I'm so pathetic) and i stopped messaging him cause I felt like I was disturbing him, he didn't Even care, he never chatted with me again, and I was right he never really cared. When I heard that a girl liked him, I got so mad, I wanted to go meet her, but my friend told me it was a bad idea(she was right). But I was so glad he didn't like her too, cos she is so pretty.
Everytime our eyes meet, it was so magical, but do you know the worse part. I couldn't talk to him, not even a single word, yeah I was very shy, introverted and reserved(I still am). This feelings started when I was 12, I had a crush on him for 4years. He left the school when I was 15(he graduated) and still had that unhealthy crush on him, even after he was gone. I told myself that I wasn't going to move on. Now I'm 17, writing about my ex-crush😭. Anyways I'm over him now, but I'm sure if I see him again, I'll still fall in love.
The worse feeling Ever is liking someone who's never going to like you, trust me.
But do you know what? You are enough. Please like yourself first before any other person, this guy gave me sleepless nights, and he was getting his beauty sleep. The one will surely come, don't rush yourself, just be true to yourself, don't be fake for anyone, get obsessed with yourself, love your body, because we're trapped in it, no need changing yourself. Someone will surely like you for being you.