Vent Book?

Poem

A straight A student may mean he or she has a perfect life. With good grades and teachers that care.
Opportunities that must be earned.
Fun activities to do like clubs, sports and events. But behind the scenes, a different story is hidden,
One where life is not so bright.

A student goes to school every seven days of the week, With a smile and a spring in their step.
A world where he or she feels alive,
And can be themself, no one else.

But at home, life is much different.
Where parents fight and argue loudly.
Not being able to focus on homework,
It becomes too overwhelming.

Yet they keep going, not giving up,
Their parents love them, they know they do.
They show them in ways that are not visible,
In the little things they do for them.

And so they carries on,
Living two lives, one perfect and one not so much.
Forced to carry the burden of their parents wishes, to be a better version of themselves.
My parents love me, but what I do is not enough.

I know that my mom loves me.
I know that my dad loves me.
But do they really? Or do they really love the fact that I will be the first one in the family with a medical degree.

I know my mom loves me, but she's really bad at showing it.
It's worse knowing the fact that she's bipolar.

I know my dad loves me, but he's not that bad at showing it… at times.

He yells, he yells so much it makes my ears ring. I feel like a second parent when I'm living with my Mom, I have responsibilities when I'm with her.

But when I'm with my dad it's really confusing, he says I need to stop acting like a mom and start acting like a kid.
I didn't know that making sure my sisters are safe is making me look like a parent. But when I don't do it I get yelled at by my mom. If I do it I get yelled at by my dad.

It's all very confusing.

I wanna cry to my mom, but that means I'm being selfish.

I wanna cry to my dad, but that means I am being weak and the devil is trying to get me.

So who do I cry to?

I want to cry to friends but what if I'm being annoying.

I want to cry to people online but what if there pedo's.

Am I alone?

Am I a piece in my father's game?

Or am I just a ticket for my mom to live an easy life when I get my medical degree.

I hate myself.