The doctor worked on the patient for nearly three hours, skillfully implanting a tiny speaker in one of the ear canals and a transmitter at the base of the skull. He then ran a thin control wire under the patient's skin from the back of the neck to a battery/control device, which he embedded into the rib cage. An antenna wire ran stealthily along the spine. The operation was a fastidious surgical achievement for 1967.
"Well Doc, how's it coming?" asked the Director as he stepped into the operating room.
"A few more minutes, and I should have her all stitched up."
"That's great, Doc. Speaking of stitches, Uncle Sam's gotta a lotta money sewn up in this little kitty."
"Yes, that begs the question I can't seem to get out of my head - Why not simply attach the device to a collar on the cat?" asked the veterinarian at the risk of appearing naïve. Although he knew the answer, he thought the Acoustic Kitty project was far too expensive, if not altogether impractical and a tad ridiculous.
The Director answered, "If we did that, we would have one conspicuous-looking cat on our hands. Besides, it wouldn't be very professional. After all, we're the CIA. We have to be on the cutting edge. We can't let the Russkies out-tech us."
But before they could give the little kitty her first mission, she had to undergo a rigorous series of training and test activities. As skilled and intelligent as the CIA scientists were, they apparently knew little about feline behavior and temperament. The cat was easily distracted. And when she became hungry, which was quite often, she would search for something to eat. As much as they tried, it soon became evident that cats were difficult, if not impossible, to train. Coaxing her by radio signals to walk in a given direction, even for short distances, was an endeavor in frustration.
In an attempt to further control the cat's behavior, the veterinarian performed a second operation by inserting another wire in the cat - essentially "short-circuiting" her appetite. How he did this, specifically, is not clear.
After all the trials and tribulations of training and controlling the clandestine cat, the CIA technicians decided to put kitty to a real-world test.
"Okay, fellas. This is it. We're gonna have the cat snoop around a park bench in D.C. near the Soviet embassy where two foreign officials are known to hang out. We'll monitor everything from inside the van," said the Director.
"Sounds good."
"Okay. Let the cat out," ordered the Director.
Screeeeeech!!! THUMP.
"Didn't you see that taxi coming?" *
"How was I supposed know the dumb cat was going to run off in the wrong direction?"
"Yeah. Well, there goes twenty million bucks."
*Author's note: This has since been disputed. In another version of the story, the cab never hit the cat. With internal electronics surgically removed, she went on to live a healthy life. The project was cancelled due to impracticality.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
