Back to Himself

2. Unlikely Visitor

I blast Death Cab for Cutie in my headphones and stare into the distance. My mind wanders as I watch the sun rise and let its happy rays warm my face. Mount San Jacinto has become my solace in recent years. In the midst of my most painful moments, I always find myself here, in Riverside County, on this rock. My refuge. I close my eyes and let my mind wander.

Mount San Jacinto is him.

"Death Cab for Cutie?" a familiar voice says from over my shoulder.

"I see you haven't changed one bit."

I break out of my trance and snap my head around to see where the voice came from. I didn't realize anyone else ever came up here. My eyes widen as I take in who the voice belongs to. Pattie Mallette. A pure and genuine soul, relentlessly faithful woman of God, and mom to the one and only Justin Bieber. The memories come flooding back as I open my mouth to speak.

"Pattie...I...you...," I stutter.

"I know, honey. There's a lot to say. For me too. Can we catch up over tea? I know a spot not too far we can walk to."

I nod slowly. It's all I can bring myself to do as I stand up from the bench and walk around to meet her on the other side. We lock eyes and stand in silence for a moment. A silence that is somehow on max volume. I break the silence with my tears. Gut-wrenching sobs take over my body as the past emotions consume me all over again. Pattie pulls me into her arms and strokes my hair soothingly.

"I'm so sorry to just pop up out of the blue like this," she whispers into my hair.

"But it's very important that we reconnect. I wish we never drifted apart in the first place," she confesses with sadness in her voice.

We pull apart and Pattie uses her thumbs to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"How did you find me?" I ask cautiously. 

I'm basically a ghost, and it's very intentional. I've taken several steps to protect myself from my past.

"Don't worry. You're still safe here. I've made sure of it. You know how high-tech Justin's team is. He's got someone for everything—including a very skilled private investigator. I've been watching over you since you and him parted ways all those years ago."

"You mean since he ditched me for all of his fancy new friends?" I quipped back at her.

I see the pain flash across Pattie's face and I instantly regret my harsh remark.

"I'm sorry, Pattie. I didn't mean it that way. I'm not angry with you. I just don't want to relive this. It took me so long to get past losing what I thought was the only real friend I ever had. My protector from the bullies. My safe haven. And if I'm honest, I'm still not past it. Justin was my whole world, and I meant nothing to him."

She sighs heavily.

"That couldn't be further from the truth, love. I promise you there's more to the story than you think. Please—come have tea at my place. There's a lot you need to hear."

"The tea is at your place now?" I challenge with a furrow of my brow.

"Yeah, I told you I knew a spot close by," she says simply with a small smile.

I can't help but laugh as the tension breaks and Pattie consumes me in another hug.