A Scream That Echoed

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(I hope everyone reads the description and only continue reading if you are comfortable)

Feelings are complicated.

It can make living worth it as well as make it a living hell.

"Like, why should it be so hard to understand what you feel? And why is it hard to even feel anything in the first place?"

Those were the thoughts looming in Chamelia's mind while she was seated in her class, she had long tuned out her lecturer's voice. Even now, sitting in the library with her textbook in front of her which she had forgotten to look over, as her lecturer had advised them to, she can only think.

Thoughts that are echoing in her mind. Guess, the library wasn't the best place to review her notes in the first place huh?

The library was almost empty, as most of the students had classes then. There were only few students scattering around, probably trying to catch up on their lost sleep. Whatever that's none of her concerns as of the moment when with each passing second her thoughts were getting louder.

"Why doesn't anything make me happy? 'How can you be so insensitive' Am I a bad person to be with? 'You are more reserved than I thought' why do I feel so numb, and oh god why can't I see the words in the textbook-" her thoughts were swirling around. She needs to calm down before things gets out of control.

With a shaking hand Chamelia slowly starts putting her textbook and her other stationery in her bag. Just as she was about to zip her bag, she felt a presence and soon after a voice.

"Oh, you are leaving? I thought we were supposed to go over the notes and hang out later", it was Claira's question or statement that stopped her thoughts from swirling further down. "Ah right, I was supposed to study with you, weren't I?" Chamelia replied with a nervous chuckle.

How could she probably forget this. But Chamelia knew very well that she was in no state to go over any notes and especially not in the right mindset for anyone to have a hangout with her. Probably sensing Chamelia's nervous demeanor Claira broke the silence that had enveloped them.

"If you are not up to it today, it's fine. We can likely hang out later. You know that you don't have to be nervous to refuse to me, right?" finally taking a seat Claira continued " And having some alone time with myself wouldn't really hurt me, yeah?" she finished trying to figure out whether that would have calmed Chamelia down.

It's only recently did Claira become a part of Chamelia's friend circle, but she sure has made a special heart in Chamelia within that short time. Out of everyone in her friend group Claira had easily understood her and had helped her in many ways even without anything being said. Even though Chamelia had a hard time opening up to people, talking with Claira was so easy and comfortable that sometimes she doesn't even realize how much time even pass when they both are together.

So, Chamelia knew. She knew that Claira understood her and that's why she slowly left the library after mumbling a small 'thank you' and a 'goodbye, take care' with a promise to hangout later, her treat.

But even after that Chamelia's thoughts didn't stop in her walk to the apartment.

"Why is it not stopping, 'is that how you treat people who you really care about'. Stop 'I thought I taught you better' I am trying 'If you keep this up you are going to lose everyone that cares for you-'"

Chamelia quickly entered the apartment and slammed the door. God, what is wrong with her. Taking a deep breath, she made her way to the kitchen and poured herself some water. After finishing the remaining water, she slammed the glass on the kitchen counter making big, small pieces of glass scatter around.

No...no that was an accident. She didn't mean to slam it so hard. No, Chamelia only wanted to leave the glass and go to her room. Th-then why how...?

"Okay Chamelia deep breaths. It's fine. Everything's fine. Jus-just calm down" she muttered to herself and tried to stabilize her breathing and reassure herself though it sounded like a lie to her own ears.

'Thought you were the caring type but huh, guess you don't care as much as you show.'
I DO care, just stop,
'Look I know that you can do better so stop that act of yours and say, what do you want?'
please sto-stop
'Not to be rude but do you even know how it is to feel sad or cry?'
STOP. Just stop. plea-please.

"Why doesn't it stop? Make it stop, I am begging" Chamelia was now on the floor knees against the floor one hand on the ground to support with shards of glass prickling her skin and the other gripping her hair. But she was too immersed to feel the stung against her palms and knees.

Chamelia knew it was time. She had run away from reality for too long. Ignored all her problems, feelings; ignored herself than the limit was allowed and now she's near her breaking point. She can't really pinpoint exactly what triggered her into this but it's not like she can have the luxury of thinking about that in her current state. No, not when she can't even take a hold of these thoughts...these voices that're slowly starting to make her feel like her soul's being eaten alive without mercy.

"Ah...my head. Damn it where's my phone" Chamelia started to slowly lay her upper body down on the floor as well, while holding her head to stop the pain that's becoming worse with every second.

Chamelia was gradually losing sense of her surroundings. Tears slid down her face. And then she screams. A scream echoed between the walls in the apartment. A scream that sounded so painful even to her own ears. A scream that would receive many people's pities. A scream for help. To save her. To stop this pain. To stop her tears that seemed to slide down nonstop.

But there's no one though. She's all alone now. Who will even hear her?

And she feels so tired. " I... I want to sleep...", just like that with a last whisper for help Chamelia slowly lost conscious on the kitchen floor surrounded by shards of glasses with no one to put them away.