But Why?

quick note: yes that is my drawing in the chapter cover thing whatever you call it :) i drew it recently and i was like oh i should put it on my story lol. hope you like it :)

Sasaki was really never the type to shove his emotions in peoples faces. Usually he would just keep his face straight and his voice fairly monotone. Sure he likes to joke around with his friends at school but for the most part he doesn't have a huge interest in people. Except for one 5'7, black haired, brown eyed boy. This boys name is Miyano.

When Sasaki started to like Miyano, he didn't mind showing the joy and excitement he felt when he was with him. Watching him talk so passionately about the BL manga they just finished. Watching him get flustered at Sasakis teasing. God Miyano was so cute, Sasaki had no choice but to outwardly show how happy Miyano made him.

However, Sasaki wasn't too fond of showing his weaker moments. Like when he was sick and ran into Miyano at the nurses office, 'man i look so weak right now...'. Though he's gotten more comfortable over time showing different emotions around Miyano that are more than the butterflies and excitement he feels constantly. All but one, or rather a few that fit under one catagory. Sadness. To be fair, ever since he started hanging out with Miyano he's hasn't really had a reason to be sad. It's been quite a few years since they asked each other out. Infact they live together now. Today, they both had a day off. A day to either relax or go out or just do whatever. Sasakis activity for today was apparently to cry.

Sasaki didn't really know why he felt so bad today but boy did he feel awful. Was he just randomly sad? overwhelmed? depressed?low-spirited? downhearted? It doesn't matter which one it was, the question is why? He'd been pretty quiet all day when usually, he'd be doing anything with Miyano. He wasn't totally silent though, 'I don't think Miyano has noticed. Good. I don't want him to worry about me.' He glanced at Miyano who was focusing on finishing whatever chore he was doing in the kitchen. Sasaki decided to just go up to their bedroom and lay down.

He sluggishly walked to their bed, sat down, laid down, and as soon as his head hit the pillow... crying. he started crying. But why? What was there to cry about? Nothing bad had happen to him recently. Was he unknowingly stressed or overwhelmed? By what though? he didn't understand what was making him feel like this and he hated it. He hoped Miyano would stay in the kitchen long enough for him to stop crying before he's done. 'What the hell is wrong with me today?? I shouldn't be crying like this nothing even happened. I never even cry that much anyway why now??'

Sasaki rolled over on to his side and curled himself into a ball. His heart was beating a little faster than normal. Mostly because he was kind of worried about himself. Why was he acting like this? About five minutes into his crying fit, he hears distant footsteps. not distant for long though, they were getting closer. A little too close for Sasakis liking. Sasaki heard the door open but he didn't move or react at all. 'Damn it.' It was Miyano of course. Sasaki was covering his mouth and had his eyes closed really tight trying to act like he wasn't sobbing ten seconds ago. He tried to breathe normally but his breathing was still a little funny. Of course Miyano caught eye of this. "... Shuumei..?" 'Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-' "Shuumei?!? What's wrong??" ... "Are you okay..??" "Shuu..?" 'Go away go away go away go away!'

Go away? Why did he want Miyano to go away? He loves Miyano. Was he embarrassed? Anxious? Nervous? His heartbeat was still a little too fast. He continued to lay there 'quietly' trying to get control of himself. Miyano walked over to the side of the bed that sasaki was facing. Sasaki could hear him get close 'nonononononono NO PLEASE-' Miyano looked at him.

Concerned would be an understatement. He knelt down beside the bed where Sasaki was and put his hand on Sasakis shoulder so he knew he was there. Since Sasaki had his eyes closed this made him jump slightly. Sasaki slowly opened his eyes and they were met with Miyanos deeply concerned but also loving and caring eyes. Miyano moved his hand up to Sasakis hair and started running his fingers through it as a comfort mechanism. Sasaki averted his eyes, yep he was a little embarrassed. Miyano didn't speak for a few minutes, he just continued playing with sasakis hair, rubbing his arm, back, everything until sasaki was more calm. During those few minutes, Sasaki continued to let out the sobs he was holding when Miyano walked in. Miyano would occasionally kiss Sasakis forehead or cheek or really anywhere on his face. With Miyanos other hand, he held one of Sasakis, who was lightly squeezing Miyanos hand. They sat there in one-sided comfortable silence until Sasaki ran out of tears.