Short Stories & Random Poems

In Your Memory, Two Years Later

I hear sirens in the distance and my blood runs cold. My breath quickens and sweat trickles down my forehead. Hot tears well up in my eyes as if this is a simple reminder of what happened.

Except an ambulance didn't come for you. No, not in time. So the day, November 30th, is engraved into stone for the last day that you were "alive." Comatose, more like. And the thought of that breaks my heart.

Nonetheless, the smell of fall reminds me of you. The leaves skittering across the pavement as the wind picks up, a sure sign of the season, reminds me of you. The sun finally shining after a cloudy fall day gleams like your smile. Except, none of it is exactly like you. And so it begins, the cycle of my grief for you. In these senses and memories, I am bound to be chained to the floor of a basement of a building that is to be bulldozed at any second—demolished by grief.

And yet I have to remind myself that our story isn't all sad, you see. It was full of a wildfire kind of love. The flames burned hot and the smoke was heavy. Your words stuck to my skin like ashes, in the best way possible. "You're the first girl I've talked to in a long time that has made me feel this way. You're special, Audie. Yknow that? I really care about you. You mean a lot to me."

The way my heart swelled in my chest at the sound of that.

But I didn't tell you I loved you. Because the love I had for you towered over me. Deep down, I knew it was going to topple over and crush me. Or at least that's what I told myself.

So when your last words you said to me were: "I've just got to tie up some loose ends and get my life back on track. Then we can start a life together."

I should've ran to you. I heard the rumors; I'd seen you go from skin and bones to yourself again. Why the hell hadn't I known?

Alas, these thoughts cannot erase the past. Cannot bring back your warmth, or your heartbeat. Your chest against mine in a soft embrace. Your encouraging words in my times of need. The way you could tell something was wrong with me even when no one else knew. The way your fingertips traced my wrist where the tattoo in memoriam of my best friend is.

Still, I know you'd want me to cherish those memories. Not to dwell in agony over them. So as two years have come and gone, I've lived through two different kinds of autumn seasons. One in which was inexplicably horrible and one in which I've discovered something new...

Something I wouldn't have been able to understand had it not been for you. In the short time we spent here on earth, you'd shown me how to accept love from people. And in that lesson, I've found someone you'd approve of. Someone gentle and kind and encouraging. And I know that during this season, I was given another chance to fall in love again.

Although today is a very sad day, it is also a day to remember I was loved by you. A day to remember you were here, and that you were so lovely. To remember the many lessons you taught me. And to remember you'd want me to be happy.