Passing Clouds

one

I watched them laugh, I watched them converse, I watched them fight knowing good well they would soon make up.

For the longest of time, all I did was watch them.

They were all nothing but strangers to me, people whom I've never made efforts to interact with, people who mean nothing to me, just another passing cloud, people whom I'll forget someday and never think back.

Then why?

why was it that some part of me still felt sad while I gazed upon the people whom I've spend a good part of my school life avoiding to the best of my abilities.

In my world of blissful ignorance, it felt wrong to realize it wasn't so blissful.

It was pitiful, in reality.

I only came to the light when it was too late after all.

I had so many words and yet the moment my fingers begin to tap the familiar keys I'm left with no words at the same time.

I couldn't tell what I wanted, like a little kid in the candy store; choosing between two candies while a small part of them desires for both, the one selfish part of them that wants nothing but to childishly cry for both.

It was my choice not to indulge with them, a choice I would never regret, and regret at the same time.

I didn't recognize my feels for hurt when my few other friends giggled about me not recalling the names of my own classmates.

I instead laughed along, failing to pick up the drop in my stomach.

I didn't recognize my emotions for hurt when someone often told me things that happened within my class that even I don't seem to have any idea about, or when I'm left with no words as others seem to know more about my peers than myself.

My mornings are not like the classic main characters who wake up to the chrisp air filled with the fresh auroma of the breakfast being prepared, of the cliche birds that sing happy songs near their windows or the perfect rays of golden sun that shines upon their face softly welcoming them back from them world of dreams with warmth and comfort.

I'm almost always greeted the feeling of utter crustiness inside my eyelids that has me scratching my eyes out first thing in the morning, along with the smell of my pet dog who probably hadn't had a bath the past 3 weeks, i would spend the one hour of my morning trying to clear the inchiness of my nose caused by dolly's unwashed and shedded hair,

I woke up that day and checked my phone to see, it was somewhere between 10AM and 11AM, I couldn't help but let a sad frown, that was it.

I skipped the last functional day of school because I'm too much of a coward.

Something my class teacher despised, being a coward.

I recalled a few occations where I though she was harsh on me, despite all that, I couldn't help but feel i would rather miss her dearly.

I wondered if she had made any comments about my absence, if someone of my classmates took notice that i was infact gone for 3 days.

I remembered that time when one of the girl from my class told me that my absence has almost always gone unnoticed, she expressed her concerns and asked for me to communicate,

I felt quite awful for giving her a dry smile and walking off to my own business,

If someone ignored me for so long and suddenly tried to grow close to me, I would feel rather awkwards and annoyed, I thought that must be how my classmates felt around me.

Just a few more years, It'll pass.. I won't have to face them again.

Just a few more months, It'll pass.. I won't have to face them again.

Just a few more days, It'll pass.. I won't have to face them again.

I won't have to face them again.

Somehow the long awaited thought felt like a literal slap.

♡~☆~♡

A/n ; just something I wrote for comfort from the fact that a whole damn arc of my life is about to end.

I feel like this year has gone by too fast, and I can't accept that it's already December.

I think this is the first time I revealed some part of my life in this platform.

I'm glad. :)

Ps, the picture in my cover is actually a real picture of mine with my friends, lol.

IG GUESS MY HAND?? 🙈