When did I start to feel?

Feeling

"When did everything turn out like this? Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong?" Lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, I couldn't help but wonder. My recent conversation with Leah repeatedly replayed in my mind as I absentmindedly threw a tennis ball up and caught it again.

Initially, when Lia and I started texting, I found it intriguing. She would message me almost daily, genuinely interested in every aspect of my life. It felt strange yet refreshing to share how my days went with someone other than the guys. It didn’t take long before I saw the obvious that Lia had romantic feelings for me.

I continued contemplating the situation with Lia, feeling like I might have unintentionally led her on. Part of me considered giving our relationship a chance, hoping we might eventually be emotionally on the same page. However, I felt embarrassed when my friends learned about the whole thing, and I couldn't quite grasp why I felt that way.

My emotions were tangled and confusing, torn between wanting to spare Lia's feelings and trying why I’m uncomfortable that my friends knew about our “friendship”. I found myself trapped in this web of uncertainty, unsure of how to handle the situation without causing pain to either of us.

Deep down, I knew that honesty and empathy were the only way forward, even if it meant facing the uncomfortable truth. By having an open and sincere conversation, I could show respect for Lia's feelings and give her the opportunity to understand where I stood in our friendship. While I couldn't control how she would react, I could, at the very least, treat her with kindness and honesty.

It was not an easy decision, and I felt the weight of the potential hurt I might cause. However, avoiding the truth and keeping her in the dark would only prolong the pain and confusion. So, with a heavy heart, I resolved to have that honest conversation with Lia, knowing that it was the right thing to do for both of us in the long run.

 After a few days, we returned from the World Awakened Academy and gathered at Jiwoo's house, as was our usual routine, Subin discovered I was texting Leah. I noticed the puzzled look on her face. However, Subin didn't express concern or reveal any feelings for me; she remained distant, like a stranger. At that moment, I felt a mix of emotions, relief and an inexplicable heaviness in my heart, but I brushed it aside without paying much attention.

Then Subin stopped hanging out with us and during her absence, which was due to her grandfather's prohibitions, I found myself consumed by this peculiar feeling. As a result, I refrained from corresponding with Lia. Instead, I tried to engage with Subin, hoping to understand what was going on with her. She had been acting strangely, causing worry among our friends Wooin and Jiwoo, but my attempts to reach out to her proved futile.

Fortunately, with the help of Mister Kartein, Mister Kayden, and Professor Dellein, Her grandfather was healed and Subin eventually returned to our company. After our gang’s reunion, I restarted my correspondence with Lia Eresby. Things seemed to be back to normal, or at least as normal as they could be. I still couldn't shake off the lingering emotions from that moment Subin found out about Lia.

Lying in the twilight of my room, I couldn't ignore the uneasy feelings that had been raging inside me. I had brushed them off before, trying to focus on being there for my friends and for Leah. Navigating the complexities of our relationships had been challenging, but until now, I hadn't given much thought to the guilt I was feeling.

As I reflected on the events and emotions of the past, I knew that I needed to take a closer look at my surroundings, particularly the only girl in our company – Subin.

"Why her? Why did I suddenly start feeling something for Subin? Is it because we've been side by side for a long time? Is it because we've known each other since childhood?"