This was the one day that I kept looking back to, the one day where I started questioning my decision. I'm not going to lie, I still regret it. I hated that friend, I hated controlling people, but in hopes of having a good friendship with him, I threw away the single most important thing in my life.
I should've known, I was so naive. He threatened our friendship and the only way of gaining it back was to break off with my boyfriend at that time. That was so controlling, that was so dumb, I shouldn't have done it.
But oh I don't fully hate it either. Breaking off gave us both space to grow, it gave us both chances to improve ourselves.
But once again, peer pressure was a killer. I've done so many things I regretted this year because of peer pressure. Maybe I shouldn't have made the wrong friends in the first place.
My boyfriend, now ex played in the orchestra after we broke up, and he is honestly amazing at it. Yes, he is my ex, but he did take part in many moments in my life that changed me, that made me feel like I was a princess - specifically Juliet, made me feel special.
From all the way back to my childhood, the first moment was probably from back in 4th grade. It was English class, my favorite subject as of today - partially because of my ex, and he was sat diagonally in front of me, to my right. That was oddly specific wasn't it? I know, I remember it as clear as day.
If there's one thing I'm good at, it's doing all the work before class, especially English. In English class, I did all 10 pages assigned within 5 minutes. I remember writing horror stories and passing them in front to him during class, and he would pass his own stories back. We'd help each other improve our stories, especially grammar wise.
Which, hello reader, he was one of my main factors in starting my writing career. Sure, there may be other reasons, but he was the one who got everything started for me, he supported me and gave me confidence, and that moment really gave me hope.
Canon event? It sure is.
Next moment I couldn't ever forget was the last day of Grade 5, I was skipping a grade so I'd be in secondary school in no time, and it was my last day back then. The teacher allowed me to do whatever I wanted and so I hosted a karaoke right in class. What was amazing was that only me and him knew all the English songs, so we ended up singing English love songs that only reminded us of each other, and to this day it'll still our songs.
Those were the moments in my life where I felt true happiness, where I was convinced there was nobody else that could give that feeling. And it was true, there's no one I've ever loved that gave the same feeling as he did, the same happiness he gave.
Fast forward to the one moment I've been waiting for, it felt like a fantasy, a dream even. After we broke up, we were still best friends and I supported him as much as I could. When I heard he had a concert, I knew I had to go. Poor mom though, she didn't understand what I understood about him. As the show was over and everyone was taking their exit, I wanted to find him to possibly give him just a small present, a handmade blue heart squishy I made and I used as a fidget while watching his outstanding performance.
The lights were down, the place was pretty much completely closed except for the auditorium. That was when I ran down several flights of stairs, my shoelaces untied, my baggy pants were loose and I was rushing at full speed. It was dark, it was scary, just a flight after a flight, like a never ending stairwell. My mom was running slow behind me, but she never asked me to slow my pace, because maybe she knew I had some where to get to, someone that felt like home.
I made it just in time to see him carrying his bags and on the phone talking to his mom, heading for the exit. Before my mom could see, I slid him the blue heart and urged him to hide it. He was still on the phone, and I couldn't talk, I just stared at him admiringly, wanting to scream out how gorgeous his concert was. But he had to go, obviously, and so I waved goodbye and watched him go out the red metal door.
That moment of goodbye wasn't sad, it wasn't a feeling of loosing, it was an accomplishment, the fact that I was able to show that I cared. And that moment when I was running down the last flight of stairs straight to him, that was the moment that I had the most serotonin ever, that was the moment that I won't ever forget in my life.
Of course, we still had many moments together, and those were just the tip of the iceberg, but I really need to emphasize that even though he's my ex, he's the bestest friend ever and I couldn't have asked for more.
Maybe I do regret leaving sometimes, but I wouldn't turn back time and change it, because without that change in our lives, we might've never grown, we might've not achieved as much. And I wouldn't change him, at all, because he is perfect just the way he is.
Times change, and so do people. But he taught me true friendship and true love, he is my definition of trust and love, and it gives me hope that our friendship will last on for the years to come.
You have to let go to move on, but that doesn't mean to forget or to deappreciate. Supporting each other as much as we can and knowing one day he'll find someone better, because he is deserving of love. And knowing that one day I'll look back, and maybe not regret anything at all, it could've been a great thing, like a turning point in our lives.
And my turning point in life was him.
