Trust 2

Chapter 1: Miscommunication

"So, this is your second session. Last time was a lot of getting to know each other and setting your goals. This time we start the actual work. Is there any place that either of you have in mind, anything you want to say to get us started?" The doctor asked though it wasn't much of a question.

Cas tapped his hands against his legs, overthinking how much pressure to stomp into his feet to still them, as leaned farther into the couch. It took two years to get to this point, two years of hesitancy and fear in the midst of Cas and Lucas' bond. Out of high school and adapting to their new roles and they were only on their second session where Cas still couldn't say a thing. His leg kept bouncing, ready to get out here despite only sitting down a few minutes ago. He felt like Lucas and Dr Jasmine were staring at him, it would make sense but that doesn't mean it didn't his body into flight mode. He rather fight rogues than sit here and be stared at. This time he was going to try though he didn't want to remain quiet like last time and then bolt at the end. That was his goal. He couldn't let more session pass without saying anything. Progress required that he work through this. Both to heal himself and to make sure Lucas doesn't leave. He could feel Lucas' eyes on him, sense the hesitation. Cas' heart picked up to match the fear.

"I do," Lucas said. "Umm. The other day when we were getting ready for school. I brushed past Cas and he jumped away. Then he left while he was still pulling on his shirt. I know that contact bothers him, especially skin-to-skin but it was only slight and... It was on purpose. We haven't been sleeping so close, and I feel like... I'm missing something."

Cas looked to the doctor and watched her take some notes. He remembered that instance. The shock of feeling skin against his back. The contradictory heart-racing emotions of excitement mixed with the need to throw up. He chose to listen to the latter. It wasn't Lucas' fault though.

"Cas what was your experience with that situation if you remember?"

He took a breath. Noticing for the first time Lucas' wrinkled shirt as his mate scrunched it up and let it loose. He looked away, back at the glazed wooden floor installed not even a month ago. "I had a bad night." It was soft, unlike him, and incomplete. There was too much to say, to apologize for and he couldn't get any of it out. This was a mutual decision the only way to save his relationship with his mate before he could ruin it for sure, and he wasn't holding up his end of the bargain. The silence ticked by in his mind. What was only a few seconds felt like hours as Lucas and the Doctor stared at him, expecting more? More than he could give at the time.

"Okay. This is a great place to start. We agreed last time that building your way up to a more intimate relationship is one of your goals. Understanding each other's limits when it comes to the intimate side of your relationship is one of the most important parts. So, this instance is a great place to start with your current comfortable level of contact. That does mean though that it needs to be discussed." She closed the little notebook, "Cas how about you start by explaining your night. Why it impact your communication that morning? Maybe what you were feeling at the time?"

Lucas scrunched his shirt and Cas stopped tapping his hand, moving it slightly off his thigh. He wanted to help, but making that first contact was somehow harder than it used to be. Cas wanted to go back to the locker room, one of the first days he'd known Lucas, and relish in the contact they shared then. It didn't make sense to him how he had gotten worse instead of better. Lucas, if he noticed Cas' hand, didn't move to grab it.

"A lot of things came out when I was working with the AA both when we first met and recently. Lucas knows about them. Going back there and telling Lucas, seeing those people. It brought back the nightmares. When the nightmares occurred when I was younger, it wasn't uncommon for me to attack Callum. Whether it be as simple as coming into my room or saying something that triggered me. I thought they would have gone away by now but they haven't. I didn't want to risk that, so I removed myself from the situation."