Frozen Secrets

Chapter 1

Suicide

It's a big word to process. There are many forms of suicide. There's hanging from a fan or doorway, OD on pills, cutting up your arm, etc. There's not one specific way to kill yourself. I have been told to kill myself hundreds of times, and I have yet to do it. Sometimes I wonder who will miss me when I'm gone. I doubt anyone will. I'm not the most popular person in the world. Not many people like me, which doesn't surprise me. My parents say "It's just a phase." or "You'll get over it." It's not a phase and I won't get over it. Surely, they were a teenager once before, right? They should be able to understand.

That's where I was wrong. They don't understand. They never have and they never will. I'm their slave. I've tried suicide so many times, it's not even funny. I'm surprised my parents haven't said anything. Even if they did, it wouldn't matter anyway. The worse they would do is scold me and tell me to never do it again. I've been telling myself that every damn day. Has it done anything? No, it fucking hasn't.

I've been cutting my arm every night for the last week. I don't know why I have been. I just do it. I don't think about who I'm hurting or what's going to happen afterwards. There have been some times when I wanted to cut deep enough to hit an artery, but I stop before I actually do. I don't want to die. That's not why I cut. I cut to relieve stress and to take the pain away. It actually does help, but I've been told that it's not the best way. No one knows that I cut...except for you and me. You are the first person I've ever told. No one else understands. I hope you do.

Anyway, my parents stress me out way too much. My older brother, Dylan, doesn't help either. They enjoy yelling at me. It's just too much for me to deal with. I go to school just to be bullied, come home to get yelled at. That's the cycle called my life. I've told my parents to stop, but do they listen? No. They never do. As you can tell, if you haven't already noticed, I haven't said anything about what's going on. Only that I've been cutting every night. That's because I'm not around anymore. I haven't been for a few hours.
It all started back when I was a freshman in high school. It was a new experience for me. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to happen over the course of three years. Walking down the hallway at seven thirty in the morning was not a good idea, especially by myself.

Seniors were throwing spitballs at me, juniors were pushing me against the lockers, sophomores were giving me the evil eye, and my fellow freshman? They avoided me like the plague. This wasn't what high school was supposed to be like. Where's the friendliness? Where are the cliques? I honestly hope I was dreaming.

I noticed that I wasn't the only one getting bullied. One of my classmates from last year was also getting pushed against the lockers. Only, his wasn't as hard.

I was going to step in, but a senior boy stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going, freshie?" He asked me in a mocking tone.

"I was going to help my friend." I replied looking at my classmate that was no longer there.

I burrowed my eyes in confusion. Where were they? They were just there. How can someone disappear so quickly? I looked back at the senior boy standing in front of me. I noticed how his thin t-shirt could barely contain his muscles. It looked like it was going to rip at any moment. I felt a sharp pain up and down my back. I rested my head against a cool, hard, metal surface. The lockers.

"You have no friends. No one here likes you. Get used to it." The senior said as he pulled me towards him slightly by my shoulders, and slammed me against the locker again.

He walked away laughing with his friends. I could hear his booming laughter and his feet slamming against the tile floor. As soon as I couldn't hear him anymore, I moved away from the locker. My hair got caught on the ridge part of the door, but I pulled it free. I walked towards my first period class with his words running through my head. No one likes you. You have no friends. The first part stuck with me for the rest of my days. I realized I haven't even gotten my schedule, so I walked towards the front office. When I got there, there was no one there.