I DO, I DID, I DO

A Black Man Thoughts

THE WHY

Love, this very thing. This thing that didn't have words when I first felt something move behind my zipper looking at a girl. The thing that I wanted , no! That thing I believed in from the very first moment of my very first kiss. No man or at least not the man a single parent with three boys have showed me , not a man that witnessed countless of older couples such as my grandma and pop pop or my uncle Eric and his wife had ever shown me thru there marriages or relationships and daily interaction with there significant other this thing called Love. My Love, or at least my version of it. No ! Truth is needed here and this thing called love or at least what I wanted than, hell even now, this version of love I crave and try to give. Look at the Lies I told , it wasn't a try I always have gave my love , that thing I crave even to the point when it wasn't a drop left for my self. I watch and read all sorts of things about relationships and issues , maybe to verify the broken bits in my thinking or to see if I'm asking to see the North Pole for my self, nonetheless I did believe. Issues a lot of em starting with trust and ending with a countless number of things that i try to refrain from dealing with , comprising my being , sometimes I think a little too much. Truth is the lie I told my self help me sell the lie I told my self. It wasn't sometime but always !
But what do I do?

I DO

I do is the plan of any relationship I enter in. Who could see what no one else can't. I did. I did when I shouldn't have seen what wasn't there yet because anything could be in it's place. I did add something's I do to the list of things that I did. What love means. To mean something , in it self is an answer and a question and that's the only thing I do. I DO. What words do you put to show solidarity in a relationship so your partner know your serious. Why the vows come before the I do? Why I is the only vow that's a word and stand by it self. Why I do the things I do not knowing if imma get it back. Love that thing, where it did present a chance of it not being totally impossible not to have with a person , poor me , I saw possible, possibilities, and chance. Realizing my worth was when I realized I was weak . I really gave what I wanted cuz I was hoping it wasn't not to impossible for some one to give me that thing ,I did think was Love. Who needed it?
I DID

I DID

I did what I thought needed to be done. For everyone else it seems but I. Poor I what I did to you is not ass long as a list of snack you need from the store. But the problem her is the absence of. Maybe it was always never there. Look how insane I think , like I could really see things in people that wasn't there. Imagination. Maybe the emotion that helped see there possible to live outside the conditions we was raised is something I can't help but to cling to. Clingy is something people don't like. But if where not holding on to something that could get token or giving away how can I keep it. I'm starting to imagine that love isn't something I could actually have. Not ever. Not like mine.