Love By Night - KaySun

I. A Difficult Question

If there's one thing Suna appreciates about her husband Kaya, it's the fact that he's so considerate with her.

Growing up as the eldest daughter, Suna never felt like she had much of a choice in life. Her father's vitriolic anger and her mother's limp helplessness had resigned her to the fact that while she may not be able to choose her fate, she at least would be able to escape her crazy family. Rebelling was not an option; and if it had been, then her little sister Seyran would be doing the majority of it. There were just some things Suna couldn't get away with as the eldest. Sacrifices needed to be made, for the good of them all. To protect Seyran and her mother from her father. To protect herself from suffering a far worse fate.

Then she met Kaya.

It wasn't always sunshine and butterflies. Neither of them were perfect; they'd both had a lot to unravel from their past hurts. Yet from the moment she first laid eyes on him, there was a tension she couldn't explain. She chalked it up to her prejudice and her staunch belief that she was a superior judge of character. After all, there was no way a scruffy-haired man dressed all in black and covered in tattoos could be a good person. And she let him know just exactly what she thought of him.

But Kaya had surprised her. No, scratch that; he had surprised them all. He was kind and empathetic. He laughed and made jokes. He was a progressive ray of light in that terribly old-fashioned mansion, which while filled with riches was chock-full of darkness and family enemies.

Most importantly, though, Kaya let her make her own decisions.

Suna smiles to herself. Kaya wasn't perfect, for sure, but she was able to be herself with him. Not just in the physical sense. When he proposed to her a second time, all those horrible weeks ago, what had he told her? Am I such a terrible alternative for you, Suna? Granted, he had been in the wrong, and he was trying his damned best to win her back. Still, she appreciated how he didn't tell her something about how helpless and weak she was. Kaya didn't tell her that he was her only hope for a good life, that if she didn't marry him then and there that no one else would, or that she would be trapped with her abusive father for the rest of her life or worse, forcibly married off to another odious man. In addition to standing by her side and defending her at all times, Kaya was kind enough to give her the freedom to choose him, with a side of vengeance. He let her decide. And despite it all, she chose him.

In the end, that was all that really mattered. Right?

Admittedly, Suna still isn't used to making her own choices without the influence of other people. Every little thing she'd done in the past had been for the good of Seyran, or the benefit of her family. Or worse, she'd be pressured to do something against her will by her father.

Yet Kaya believed everyone deserved a choice, and in a way, with him, she became more courageous—brave enough to speak up in a world where she was usually silenced. Brave enough to do the right thing for herself, in a way that would benefit her and her alone—instead of being a part of someone else's losing game. Or at least she tries. Kaya, without a doubt, had no trouble communicating with her. But she still feels some shame voicing her feelings out loud.

The thing is...Suna notices that ever since their wedding night, the night when they consummated their relationship, Kaya had never finished in her anymore. And she can't for the life of her understand why. Didn't he want children? Wasn't the point of their revenge to, as İfakat said, to produce a male heir? Why the sudden change? Did he stop wanting her? Was there something he wasn't telling her?

Why, oh why, was it so hard to tell him this?

—

She thinks back to the night after they finally got married for real. She'd told him then—I don't want this marriage to just be a formality. She had decided to pull herself together after hyperventilating in the bathroom. Indeed, she had been traumatized so many times before, but she didn't want it to ruin her first night with her husband. She refused to let the incidents of her past shape her future. They needed to get things over with. Regardless of the conditions they'd had to register as husband and wife, she would have the real marriage she'd always wanted.