Ex Therapy

5. Week Three

If it wasn't for May's incessant messages lighting up my phone, I would have cancelled today's appointment with Ryan.

Especially after that abomination from last week.

God, what is wrong with me?

All because of a single fucking compliment that wasn't even that deep. 

Technically, I still have a chance to run because she's taking forever to answer the intercom.

I rang it again for the fifth time, trying my hardest to ignore the persistent buzzing in my pocket.

Finally she answered, "Doors are open."

Let's hope she doesn't fuckin spawn in behind me again.

I walked up the stairs trying to hide my exhaustion as I approached her office, pleasantly surprised to see her already sat in one of the chairs.

"Evening. Shut the door." She smiled warmly.

"Hello." I grinned awkwardly, clicking the door shut behind me before sinking into the chair opposite her.

"So, how's your week been?" She asked, her eyes glinting with curiosity.

"Grea-" My phone started buzzing again. I rolled my eyes declining the call. "Sorry, It was going great until today. How was yours?"

She shrugged lightly, "Mine's been rather slow, but that's okay. What's stopped today from being great?" 

"Take a guess." I groaned, exasperated.

"May?" She asked, a knowing look in her eyes.

My phone began to buzz again.

"Yep," I replied silencing my phone and resting it on my knee. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Ryan smiled sympathetically. "Do you know what she wants?" 

I scoffed, "What she always wants."

She raised her eyebrow, attempting to get a more descriptive answer from me, "And that is?" 

"Me, apparently," I sighed, trying to ignore the messages that were currently flooding my phone.

"What are you trying to get from her Zelia?" She asked, her tone gentle.

I looked at her confused, "What do you mean?" I kept glancing between Ryan and my phone, failing to ignore May.

"We've had conversations regarding you not being ready to let her go just yet but I'm wondering if you actually know why you're still keeping her around?"

"I don't know I just-" My phone lit up with another call from May.

Ryan rolled her eyes, clearly frustrated. "Have you checked what she's saying?"

I shook my head timidly, "I'm avoiding it because I'll want to reply if I read it."

"Well, I'm not gonna let you reply right now, so why don't you go ahead and take a look," She suggested, irritated by the disturbance. 

I unlocked my phone, skimming over the spam.

'You know how sorry I am let me prove it to you.'

'Z please, I'll be such a good girl for you I promise'

'Tie me to the bed again if you want to we both know how much you love to punish me for hours on end'

'Or do you want to be at my mercy? Want me to turn you into my good little slut? I know how much you fold when I'm in control.

'Come on this shit always happens, we fight then you come over and everything is fine it's not even that deep x'

'Okay I know I fucked up big time but it was just a bit of fun I didn't think you'd get this mad it's not like I haven't been with them before x'

'Zelia come on what are you even doing? Are you on your way? I'm laying here waiting to make it up to you'

'Clearly you're busy right now but the house is empty it's just you and me tonight so text me when you're coming over and I'll show you just how much I miss you x love you'

I hate that she thinks this shit works on me.                                        

"Found anything useful?" Ryan interrupted flatly, bringing me back to reality. 

I couldn't bring myself to explain so I just handed her my phone, "See for yourself, I'm sure you'll figure out the reason." 

She hesitantly took it, "You want me to look through this?"

"It's much easier than me explaining her tricks."

"I suppose it could help." She sighed.

I watched her intently, her expression unreadable. She was good at that, being stone-faced and composed.

I bet she'd be a great poker player...

I wonder what she'd wear? You gotta dress up all fancy for those things right? 

Maybe she'd wear some type of suit. She'd look stupidly good in a suit...

My phone suddenly reappeared in my face, Ryan standing before me. "I see what you mean," she said, sitting back down.

I nodded, sighing.

"What were you thinking about just then?" 

"Oh, nothing." I dismissed quickly.

"Really? You looked like you were having a great time." Ryan replied sarcasm lacing her words.

"I was just waiting," I said, trying to sound nonchalant, hoping to god she wouldn't force me to admit it.

She seemed to accept my answer. Thank fuck.

"How on earth am I supposed to just ignore her? You see what I mean, right? Like, she makes it impossible. She goes and shoves all this shit in your head and then drags you back in with ecstasy that she barely even puts any effort into."

"Ecstasy? Damn, must be great then. You know, if you keep going back just for that n all." She replied, clicking her pen repeatedly. 

I furrowed my brows, slightly offended, "Okay it's not only for that. There are other reasons too. Like the fact that I don't want to be alone. I'm also petrified I'm not going to find anyone else that will make me feel the same way I used to feel about her."

A grin grew on her face, "Good girl. You've figured out your reasons. Now you have to learn that there's more out there."

Come again?

A sly smirk briefly crossed her lips but it was gone before I could release the breath I never knew I was holding.

Sure. Yeah, I'll just pretend I never heard that. Totally.

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, "You need to stop going back for a quick fuck. Trust me there are much better people out there who want you in their bed."

"It would be great if they could make themselves known by tonight." I mumbled.

Ryan cleared her throat, relaxing back in her chair, "In the meantime, learn to be the person you need for yourself instead of relying on others to change. This world is filled with stupid people and they definitely do not deserve your time."

"Thanks." I sighed. 

"Someone will come along and make you feel infinitely better than what she did. It may take a few tries but you will get there."

I nodded, allowing her words to sink in.

"Our session is over, but please remember what I said."

"Great." I groaned, standing up.

As we approached the door, she grabbed my hand, stopping me from leaving, "Don't go tonight." 

I pondered her words, realizing I didn't need May that badly. I could have fun on my own.

"Fine." I agreed reluctantly. 

Ryan released my hand, a satisfied smirk playing on her lips. "Good girl."

I kept my composure as best I could, trying my hardest not to show how much that turned me on, "Yep, okay, bye now." 

"Get home safe, Zelia," she called after me.