I WILL NEVER FALL FOR YOU

11) BACK WITH MY DAD

Theodore

I left laikons house at around 1pm after a long shower and a change of clothes going outside I get in my car driving 2 minutes down the road to my dads house. It makes me angry to see the state that he lives he had to quit his job for a smaller office job that didn't pay much so he could raise me resulting in this dump that he lives in whilst my mum got away with raising me and gets to live in California in a 6 bedroom House in the rich area with a big kitchen a large livingroom a gym and a movie room with a swimming pool.

Whilst my dad lives in an old 2 bedroom house with a small living room and kitchen and only one bathroom and our backyard is the size of my mums living room it's big enough for rocko to run around a little bit but thats it. Rockos my dads dog we got when I was 12.

I walk into my house to see my dad sprawled on the couch man spreading whilst watching the Liverpool and Manunited game. He turns his head around to me. "yo" he says and I sit down next to him. "i was expecting you yesterday man where you been."

"i was at laikons yard." he laughs. "sure" I smile at him. "I was."
"you know your my son right." i nod. "of course I know that." he smacks my leg playfully smiling. "so why you lying then." i shake my head. "first off I know for a fact you were with a girl that's the only reason you wouldn't come see me the same day you land and second you have hickeys on your neck."

I touch my neck and he laughs. Full on dies at me. "Danielle came round laikons whilst I was there coincidentally." i roll my eyes and his green eyes widen. "crazy Danielle that wouldn't leave my yard without getting some from you." he looks at me disgusted as If I just told him that I shagged his mam.

"listen I was high man I didn't even know it happened till the next day." he kisses his teeth. "you need to stop that shit man it's not good for you." he shakes his head. "dad you just quit smoking weed a year ago." i laugh and he glares at me. "that doesn't mean you follow in my foot stop son you can always find another way to forget." i shake my head. "like what?" he goes silent he knows nothing can help me forget what I saw that night.

"hey you two good." an older woman walks in my dads robe slung over her. "yeah we good." i look her up and down she was leng and I would smash. "im theo." i bite my lip and she smiles. "im freida." she turns walking away and my dad smacks my head. "you better cover that boner." i look down and see nothing.

"fuck you." i shove him and he laughs. "that's my girlfriend we've been speaking for a while but made it official a few months back you were meant to introduce yourself properly yesterday but you were to busy banging crazydani." i shake my head. "so how old is this one then."

Everyone and their mama knows how much my dad loves his older women and I'm the outcome of it too. My dad was 20 and my mum was 29 when they had me and before my mum my dad was married yes at 20 he asked his older girlfriend to marry him when he was 17 and she was 24 and when he turned 18 they went down to the courthouse and got married that only lasted a 2 years when the girl finally gained some sense but my dad was heart broken he loved her for some reason.

"fuck your she's only 45." i shake my head. "that's still 7 years dad what wrong with you are girls your age not interested or what." he shoves. "once you get with a girl that's older instead of younger still understand the hype."

"man I'm so stressed." he turns to me. "why."
"i really like this girl called Brooklyn back in America like really really like her I've been hanging out with her none stop for more than half a year and she's become my best friend we even have matching tattoos and like I know she likes me and I like her and it's obvious that we both just want to jumps eachothers bones like you can feel it in the air but then we kissed like 4 days ago and like you could tell she regretted it like she literally ran away and I haven't heard from her since and it got me all up in my feelings and it actually pissed me off but like now I've just shagged Danielle and I think I fucked it."

"damn I was not seeing that coming you actually like a girl and not just for sex"
"I know right but now I fucked it over because I wanted to be loyal to this girl I haven't had sex with anyone since we've met and I realised I'm into her but now I just fucked Danielle."
"how will she know." i look at my dad. "what?"
"how will she know unless you tell her danielle is In London and she's in California she'll never know it's not like their gone cross paths or like they know each other and I'm guessing laikon doesn't know about this Brooklyn so it's not like he's gonna tell danielle that you are into another girl you know." shit I never thought of that.

"your right."
"I know I am but that doesn't mean you can have sex with girls in London whilst you have a thing with this Brooklyn danielle was the first and last and was a mistake... Also technically it's not bad because your not together."

"I know we're not together but there so much fucking feelings and sexual tensions connecting us together that it almost feels like cheating and I feel like she will be sad if she ever heard I slept with another girl because we kind of unknowingly claimed the other as our own."

He nods taking a swig of beer."i get it... So do you love this Brooklyn." raising my eyebrow at my further I shrug.

"I don't believe in love. I like her a lot but I don't have the mental capacity to love or learn how to love not even for her and I don't like the ideology of love...not being able to live without a person and giving someone else so much power and control over your emotions...your life and the most fragile organ in your body just for them to decide they don't care anymore they don't want you anymore and they want to destroy the organ they once protected shattering it Into a millions pieces. ruining and turning your life upside down and destroying the only good emotions you have."

I run a hand down my face."That was deep son and after my ex wife I understand every single thing you feel about love but the difference is I experienced my true love I allowed myself to open up and have the best experience of my life... It just happened to be the wrong time and wrong age difference... I was young and wild and she was ready to settle if we had similar life choices we would had made it you wouldn't even be here... Or maybe you would have but by another woman. we will never know. But you... you have no trust in this Brooklyn girl or In yourself to open up and give yourself the opportunity to love...love can be a once in a life time experience cause once you get it you need to grab it and allow yourself to trust yourself to take the dangerous leap to grab it because its a rare jewl and it may never come again. "

Damn... My dad can be a reckless,fun,frivolous man but when he was serious like this he means his word and s
You should take it seriously.

"so are you gonna give yourself the capacity to love her and let her love you? Can you learn to love for her?"

Could I? "I don't know."