The Glass Wall

Every day is the same, buried in essays and deadlines, with little time for yourself. At times the loneliness feels comfortable. Almost like an old friend. The silence your new partner. This is your world. It's fine. You can live like this. That's what they expect, don't they?

Be the good girl everyone expects you to be. What they want you to be. And you do it. You do it just for them. To be loved. To be accepted. Because what else would you have without them? Where would you be? Who would you be? You were no one.

You believe every word of it because that is all you've ever known. Accept defeat, and those hurtful words built the wall between you and the world.

Then, you meet him, and life is no longer that predictable line you imagined. You try to keep your balance, too afraid to fall and visit the unknown.

Maybe I was always meant to fall. Because loving you felt just like that. 

I wanted to be your princess. Have you shower me with gifts, attention, and love. Things that I hadn't felt in forever. In a cold world that turned a blind eye, you saw me. And in you, I saw a reflection of what I could be. I worked hard to please you, soaked up every drop of attention you gave me like a drug. I craved the favoritism you bestowed on me. I loved you from afar, but that's as far as it went.

I could only comfort you when you cried, but your heart would always belong to another. Despite knowing this, I did everything I could to keep you. You didn't want me and that hurt, but I continued to hold on to your attention like a lifeline. 

 Didn't I want this? Didn't I want to be loved and to finally be accepted? Say that you can love me. That you needed me. How I longed and hoped to hear those words. But you never said them. 

I realized that you were simply a distraction from the truth that I had been running from for so long.

All those hateful words had created the wall I so cherished and tended to. The wall that separated me from everyone else. It wasn't a brick wall, but a cold glass one. Everyone can see me, but they never got the full me. I only allowed them to see what I wanted them to believe. I put up a mask, always smiling and charming others, but inside I felt empty.

The truth is, I couldn't wait for a prince like you to rescue me from my tower. It had always been up to me. Only I could save myself from this prison I had built. The harder truth I had to ask myself was, was I ready?