She was a daycare teacher. She knew that the moods the children displayed indicated a need. When they get whiney, they need a nap. When they get snappy, they need to eat. When they get ornery, they need to poop.
At first, she thought she was crazy. Maybe she was just around the children too much and needed a vacation. But every now and then a parent would behave like a constipated toddler. She knew there was something more to it when she noticed the behavior among her co-workers and friends. Then one day, she left the bathroom feeling lighter. That's when she decided to research.
She found articles on the psychological side effects of constipation. She formulated a theory. She devised a simple self-experiment. She kept a mood journal. She increased her fiber. She drank more water. After a week she noticed the benefits.
She planned a group experiment for her second trial. The experimental pool would consist of her friends. She devised a questionnaire. She taste-tested high fiber bran muffins for the best recipe. She was ready to begin experimentation when the baskets arrived.
Whenever a friend was being confrontation, she would ask when they last had a regular poop. The next day she would give them a basket consisting of high fiber muffins and bottled water. She would check in daily to see if their regularity returned and if their mood improved. After a month, she crunched the data.
She lost a few fake friends to experimental attrition. But ultimately, she didn't need their shit. Her ride or die friends had stayed. Their data confirmed her hypothesis. Poop is important. Having regular bowel movements improves mood. Her friends even reported improved energy levels.
She planned a third trial with the experimental pool consisting of her co-workers. At the urging of her bestie, she redesigned her test model. She ditched the questionnaire and opted for a blind study. She supplied the breakroom with high fiber muffins and bottled water. Then she waited, observed, and documented.
After a week, she noticed that her boss was easier to get along with. After two weeks, she noticed better toilet paper in the bathrooms. After three weeks, healthier snack options were available in the breakroom. Overall, the general mood of the work staff improved. The workplace drama had been flushed.
At the end of the month, she found an opportunity to casually share her results. On the parent board she posted a flyer listing the side effects of constipation. The flyer also had some home remedies including the best recipe for high fiber muffins.
