Trauma Poetry

abandonment issues

you twisted my thoughts,

reshaped them now new.

abandonment issues are just a word,

till i feel them too.

i break down and spiral,

because of you i'm this way.

nobody to trust,

is everyone really trying to run away?

you promised to never leave,

is everyone going to promise that too?

abandonment issues are just a word,

till i break down and cry.

abandonment issues are just a word,

till teachers look at me and sigh.

"need to take a minute?"

they ask and watch me cry.

abandonment issues are just a word,

until i feel them when people leave my side,

abandonment issues are just a word,

till Olivia Hollenbeck caused mine.

so basically this is based what happened on Thursday- lately i've been having non stop nightmares about Olivia and what happened, almost every night, and for the past few weeks, maybe months, my abandonment issues have been getting so much worse, and on Thursday my best friend Anika, was sitting with me and my other best-friend Katie, and this girl I'm trying to stop being friends with since she is extremely toxic and drags me down, and this girl, daija, told Anika to shut up (Anika is very sensitive and i suspect she is on the autistic spectrum as everyone on my fathers side is and i can tell when people are) and she got upset and changed seats to a girl she used to hate since this girl spread rumours about her, but i guess their friends now, and i started to cry in the middle of class since i felt when Anika changed seats it was me she hated and was mad at, so i had to leave class without anybody knowing, (the class i was in was a portable) and i went behind a near by portable and started to cry even more, and i called my dad and asked to come home early, (i had only been at school for around a half an hour) and he said yes since he heard me crying, so then i went back to class to grab my binder and other stuff, and a teacher stopped me and told me to take a minute before going back to class and just watched me cry, but i just grabbed my stuff and left, and on my way out i past Olivia in the hallway, and just started to cry more after i past her realizing what damage she really had caused me.

wow ok idk why i posted this like 15 minutes ago so this is future me but after publishing this i feel like a  small weight has been lifted off my chest rn :)