𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙚

1.

her pov

i liked him, i really did. or so more, i thought i did. i had liked him for several years, from elementary to high school, yet i had never said anything at all. i had a huge crush on him and i thought he was the best thing that could've ever happened to me, i really did.

until this guy started appearing up in my dreams every night. i don't know who he was but he replaced my crush immediately. it felt like a waste of love if i was being honest. several years of a crush just to get rid of it because of some guy who's not real.

that's kind of stupid, trust me, i know. it was.

but this dream guy wasn't good for me, not because he would show up every night, but to the point i would be so unfocused everywhere i went. i would be talking to my friends and suddenly i would zone out when i hear his voice in my head.

or when i'm daydreaming in class, my grades getting horribly low to the point my mother could kill me. the thoughts of forcing myself to become an insomniac just so i wouldn't get distracted with him in my dreams was tempting. 

my head knew even if i tried to kick him out of my head, i would be so sad and lonely to the point i end up going back and daydreaming about him. besides, i'm just a rookie and for sure can't stay up for a whole year without sleep, i'd be dead by the first night considering how weak i probably am.

wait, why was i journaling this again? oh right, it was a mental note in my head that i wouldn't remember at all. unless "dream guy" decides to show up and talk to me about it. i don't know who he is but he seems to always know about my problems. should i just cause myself a problem so i could see him again?

actually, ew, no. erase that thought, you're disgusting. why would i ever even think of that- you know what, end of this log. scratch this.

seeing that guy in my dreams is like having a fictional character in your dreams appear just for them to still not be real. but he wouldn't leave me alone, that's the only part that's different in this story.

"lyn~" a female voice said with a chime. "lyn, wake up. we're here." the voice spoke again. oh right, i was sleeping and somehow also talking to myself in my head. my eyes fluttered open, i was in the car, my mom was talking to me.

"are you okay?" my mom spoke. "i'm fine, just tired." i said drowsy, everything felt like it was spinning. i wasn't drunk of course, i wasn't even the age to do that, but my body felt weak and exhausted. looks like i couldn't study tonight. "okay, well, i'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"mhm... bye mom, i love you, goodnight." i said sleepily as i got out of her car. "i love you too, sweetheart. goodnight." she then drove off. i walked up the stairs to my porch, unlocking the door to my house.

till this day, i never wondered why my mom would always go to my father's and stay there instead of with me. perhaps she thought i was getting sick of her, or that i needed to train myself to be alone. either way, i still love her even when she makes me feel like i need to hate her.

i got in the house and locked the door, going upstairs and going into my room. i turned off the light as i let my body hit my bed, all my dead body-weight on it. before i knew it, my vision was blurred into a puddle of darkness.

and damn it, there he was. the dream guy who looked so nice, sounded so nice, his soft skin as he shook my shoulder lightly. i vividly heard his voice, was i sleeping? "hey, wake up. are you okay?" he said soft. this felt like... deja vu? didn't this just happen with my mom? "i'm.. fine, tired that's all."

it was nice outside, it was cloudy and raining. "if you say so, pretty." he said as he got out of the car, holding up his umbrella as he walked over to the passenger seat, opening the door and taking my hand. it felt right out of a disney movie.

he took me to a park, throwing his umbrella as he danced with me. this felt.. so surreal but so nice. why was i even thinking of this? i loved being with him here but... it wasn't gonna last forever until i find him one day. that's when my movie ends, right?

he pulled me in by my waist, my head laying on his chest as we were spinning around, his arms around me felt nice. he was warm and comfortable, why couldn't this be real? the rain drenched our clothes and our hair, it hit our face like fireworks.

his hand rest on my chin, lifting it up so he could see my face clearly. i chuckled softly, the rain tickled. he smiled warmly at me and before i knew it, he just kissed me. it felt like the start of a movie i'd seen before. my movie?

it was a vivid dream but i swear i could feel his lips on mine, his voice sounded so hoarse when he pulled back. "i love you." he said quietly. before i could even get to say it back, the dream ended and i woke up in tears crying my eyes out. why couldn't it be real? he's not real, he doesn't even exist.

i couldn't even recall the last time i was kissed like that.

dream boy, fuck you for making me so attached.