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★・・・・・・★
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My mind, soul, heart, everything is messed up. Everything feels like it's fucking dead.
How can that motherfucker dare to take away my life from me?
I came back home to drop Ju at my parents' house because I know Ju loves Ashley. He learned how to love someone from her, how to be human, not like me, who had no emotions until she came into my life.
"Ju," I called his name. He was pouting and looking sad, his eyes not sparkling the way they usually do.
"Papa, where is Mama?" my little one asked, his eyes tearful and his nose running. I pulled out my handkerchief and wiped the snot from his nose as he engulfed me in his arms, and I picked him up, holding him securely.
"Since when has Mama not been home, Ju?" I asked, caressing his back. He replied, "Since the morning, Papa. She said she'll be back soon, but she didn't come back yet." He cried out, "She said she'll make pancakes for me, and she's still not back. I want Mama, Papa, I want Mama," he sobbed, tears streaming down his face, tearing my heart apart. I felt something stabbing my heart, slicing it through my veins.
"Don't cry, Ju. Mama will be back and safe, and she'll make pancakes for you. Now stop crying. Do you know Grandma bought new toys for you, and guess what? Bam is there too," I tried to console him, but he just looked at me, not saying anything, and leaned over my shoulder, saying, "I want Mama." With that, he sniffled. I sighed and took him closer to my car.
We sat, and he was still clinging to me, so I had to ask the driver to drive. Ju never gets sad, but if he ever does, he needs someone to hold him close, hug him to give him comfort, and his comfort is in his Mama and Papa. I hate the fact that after so many days, he was happy, but because of my fucking rivalry, Ju and Ashley had to suffer. I will never forgive myself for that. Ican't.
I gazed down, and Ju was already asleep. I think he got tired and fell asleep. I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted any of this.
But I will not leave the fucking person who tried to ruin my family. I will fucking burn their whole damn life.
