Can Cupid's Arrow Miss?

Or Did Cupid Even Shoot Us?

Around every corner was a world of hurt. It seemed like the world was against me. My family, my friends, even myself. I couldn't help but fall victim to these things.

There was this one boy flirting with me, he wasn't the prettiest thing around and I certainly didn't like how he had flirted around with all of my friends. But the things he said, his attention was nice. It made the feeling of hurt, a little less hurtful.

But then another boy started talking to me. I suppose he was cute, certainly cuter than the first one, but he was different; more genuine compared to the other.

His company was comforting and he grew on me. I knew what his end goal was, I noticed him stalking me online and staring more but it made no difference. He was nice.

Maybe where I was still hurting and I wanted someone, but when he asked me out I said yes. We had only been friends for a little more than two months, and we barely knew each other, but I thought being together would bring us closer.

He started sitting with me on the bus and we talked even more. It was pretty evident that we didn't have much in common but he kept on making things to talk about.

On my birthday, my parents suggested he come down to hang with me and my friends, and we all had fun. Me and him even cuddled for the first time. My "best friend" at the time wasn't being the greatest and thankfully he was there to comfort me.

The longer we were together the more we knew about each other. Like his insatiable jealousy. A boy made a comment to me while I was on vacation and he was really stressed and distraught. Saying, "I should've been there."
Was I supposed to feel sorry for him?

For a couple more months we grew even more comfortable with each other. We hung out at each other's houses, went on dates, generally had fun. But there was a weird feeling developing in my stomach. A feeling that I didn't like him. Not like he did with me anyways.

I really felt bad about this. It wasn't my fault, I really did like him as a person, but there was nothing romantic about it. Don't get me wrong, I loved him like a best friend, but not like that.

How would I even tell him that? I knew how he'd react, I knew he'd be hurt, badly. But I was scared. He was such a sweet guy, I really didn't want to break his heart.

And then I suppressed the feelings. I told myself that after all he's done for me: comfort me with my ED, help me break off that toxic best friend, and just heal the wounds my exes brought upon me. That maybe if I waited long enough I'd finally feel it, that I'd finally love him.

Even more months pass. At that point we would've been together for 8 months. Everything in our "relationship" seemed like clockwork, a routine. I wasn't sure if I could handle it anymore, I started to have intrusive thoughts of breaking up with him.

When I posted about the intrusive thoughts, he replied. He tried to comfort me but nothing was helping. He didn't know it was about him, I didn't want him to know it was about him. But I could tell he was getting more and more curious, and then it slipped.

We talked for a while after that, honestly more than we had done in weeks. I got everything out. How I was feeling and how I felt about him.

Then he asked me,
"So you never loved me?"

I knew it was true, I didn't want it to be since I cared for him, but If I waited any longer he would've been hurt even more.

"I loved you enough to let you go." I told him, "Maybe in another universe."

And that's where it ended. Where the affection, time together, and "love" dwindled away.

I think on the past now, and what happened to us after the break up and I wonder if I made the right decision. After the parade he must've been feeling a lot of emotions too, like I was when I started having the feeling of not loving him. And while what he did was for sure bad, maybe I could've given him one more chance.

But who am I kidding, this is life now, and I don't regret a thing.