The Poem Book That Shouldn't Be Seen [P1: If It Goes Up, Must Come Down]

He is Doubting

He is probably better than me,
You probably rather him than me,
Is he really your something?
I saw him with someone, talking,
He seemed happy to me,
Why I am talking about him,
Why is him in my thinking.

Got in the way of our relationship,
Now in my poems,
A lot of shit is inside this saying,
My ride really has an obstacle..

So as I know that we are nothing,
I lied you saying you're just a little something for my being,
I know I shouldn't be lying,
But you lied too,
I shouldn't be thinking this,
I should not have said that,
Written that,
Should I be writing this?

I'm literally in love with a ghost,
Fully with lies to my own self,
And what I hate the most,
I can't even lie to myself thinking that I'm with that ghost.

It's really so important that he is with her?
If even he wasn't there, she wouldn't stay with me?
I should lay myself here?
While I lie down,
Doing nothing but crying and writting about my pain.

Is to love something important,
Why i keep loving you?,
Im nothing to you, you're everything to me, we are just some weird thing,
He is everything for you,
Not more everything than you are for me,
Love is relative,
All this is just pain and misery,
When it's raining i'm not sad, I'm mad,
Maybe I'm sad after all,
'Cause you're all for me,
Maybe not that all.

I doubt everything,
I even doubt if I exist,
Even when I knew something,
Because of doubting I thought of you worse than ever.

If you're a Christian, consider me a sinner,
More than anything,
It's something rare,
A strange feeling.

With the years I am dying,
And my age is changing
while I feel like I'm watching,
Which objectively seems something impossible to happen,
I highly doubt it will be able to be seen.