Waiting for u to love me - Taekook

3. The confession

New Note    September 1, 2017
What the fuck just happen????? "I am in love with you." WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT??? I feel so badddd cuz I'm not gay. No first, I need to think up of how I'm going to reject him. I love him of course but not in the way he wants me to. I really don't want to hurt his feelings though. Oh my godddd why Jungkook. This will be so bad if it ends up ruining our group. Why did you have to fall in love with me. Shit.

I close my phone and my eyes to try to comprehend the events that had taken place not even 10 minutes ago. A confession by a guy? And he's my best friend. He knows there's no way I can accept his request. Yet, he still asked. That's what kept getting my head rattled. My phone buzzes and I hope it's a message from Kook, saying 'just kidding, pretend you heard nothing.' Instead it's a notification from Vlive signaling me and the other members that Jungkooks is now live.
I have no choice but join in a few minutes. I open the live to just see when there is an appropriate time to enter. The page loads for a bit but then his cute little face is all over the screen.
I stare at his wide smile which hides the deep secrets he spilled to me. He waits for Army to fill up the chat and he uses this time to pick out new candles to blow them out again.

***
About 10 minutes ago

"I am in love with you." His voice almost cracks and he clears his throat. He doesn't let it sink it and just continues.
"Let me just cover everything. I don't know about you, but ever since I've found out we were soulmates, I had questioned if I was gay. Mostly because romance is usually what comes to mind first. I didn't think too much into it but the more I'm a part of this group, the more I'm with you. And it made me realize how much I love spending time with you." He pauses to take a sip.
"Of course, I love the members and Army but...I don't feel the need to be around Jimin all the time or imagine how good a boyfriend Yoongi would be when he does something nice. It's all you that I think about."
The cold air brushes past us and it wakes me up. Like I've been dreaming, I'm awake but this is reality. Jungkook is really sitting here, spilling out his feelings for me and I have no words to say back.
"Um well..." I try to make a dent in the awkward air.
"I didn't know you felt this way. Honestly, it's really shocking." I take a sip and we make no eye contact.
"I've had this feeling for 3 years and I'm wondering if our soulmate connection wasn't supposed to be friendship in the first place." He says.
"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you know I'm not gay." I had to say it at least once tonight and I tried to say it to not hurt him. Yet I could feel my stomach tense and the beer tasting sour after I had said that.
"I thought you'd say that." Jungkook says and turns his head towards me, "and that's why I don't want you to reject me right now. This sounds weird but I kind of want to prove to you that a friendship isn't going to cut it for us." I look towards him and I can finally see the desire in his eyes. Even in the night his eyes seemed to glow.
"So, please think it over." He breaks our contact and his gaze trickles down to my lips. He doesn't move but I can tell that if I stayed in that position any longer then something homosexual would have happened and I wouldn't be able to pull the 'we're just best friends' card with that one.
I turn my face away and take the finishing gulp of beer.
"You're blushing." I can hear his pesky smile without looking at his face.
"What do you even mean?" I say. "You're not- I mean- Im not gay. And I'm not even blushing." I have considered homosexuality before, not like it was an option on a game character you can switch on or off but like trying to find myself way. As with him, I had to contemplate for months when we found out we were soulmates. Even so I couldn't shake the thought that we were chosen to be lovers and forced to live in fear of public scrutiny. It just didn't seem right. If I were supposed to fall in love with someone and I really can't control what I'm born with, would the world really put me in this position where I would have to choose between the love of my life and my dream job?
No right? Besides, BTS is bigger than ever and I can't let my personal feelings coincide with that. However, the boy I'm sitting next to on this cold bench obviously doesn't think the same way I do.
I look at Jungkook's stupid gay face again to see him smile. It's filled with innocence and you could tell it's genuine when you can barely make out his pupils.
"Anyways, we should go up. I need to go live. Thanks for the beer and snacks, it really helped." He stands up with the chips and empty can in his hand.
If you're this happy for Seven Eleven snacks then you're gonna flip when you see your other gifts. I helped carry the other snacks into the grocery bag and we walked back up to the dorms in silence.

***

I push my light brown hair out of my face as I lay sideways on my bed. With phone in hand, I watch the first few minutes of Jungkook's live. I think waiting 10 minutes is good enough before I jump in.
I don't even have to look behind me to know Jimin's passed out on his bed. His snores are gradually getting louder but I try not to focus on that. Instead, I keep my focus on the birthday boy on my screen.
His hair is covered in a hoodie which does a terrible job at covering his brown hair bed head.
He talks to the camera about his birthday surprise earlier to the fans. He laughs when he explain how surprised he probably looked and how I walked over to him singing with a cake he didn't even know was in the fridge since yesterday.
I smile when he smiles. I'm glad that he enjoyed it.
He talks about how after the surprise he went straight to go live. He skips over the confession which he obviously would but it makes me wonder about the whole situation I found myself in. I'm of course shocked but I have to deal with it in reality.
I don't want to break his heart but it's something I have to do. He probably already knew it too when he confessed. What would then happen to us afterwards? Would it really be a smooth transition back to being friends?
I stare at my phone feeling a bit angry that Jungkook didn't take my feelings into consideration. He's now just reading comments and answering questions from fans but one thing for sure is that my questions wouldn't be answered from him.
I will just have to wait until the time is right to reject him.
__