𝐑𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫

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Leilah 

TW: Slight mention of self-harm.

Monsters never falter.

They keep clawing at your sanity. Destroying the anchor that balances you and creating a ruination in you to rule what is left. 

Leilah felt her rationality slipping away when the hollowness inside her would fill to the brink with sharp claws. The sweet lies that she fed herself would turn into ugly truths and too-real fake reality. 

A way out is what she wants-- needs. But is it that easy? 

Is it when the creator of your monsters can't be identified? When one too many lucid realities shadow over the senses.

Leilah's eyes were trained on the smooth screen of her phone. Fingers tapping against the warm surface of the coffee mug. Stop being a pussy and dial. 

A sigh and she cradle the device in one hand, fingers tapping over as she presses the screen against her ears. The soft buzz ringing through her skull, hushing away the crude voices that never goes away. 

"Marahabal?" her Mama's voice cuts through. Soft yet raspy. A silver of relief passes through her as she swallows. (Hello)

"Marahabal mamae anna Leila," she replies, her Arabic rusty. (Hello, mama. It's me Leilah)

The girl's eyes travel back to the bouquets and cards scattered on the countertop and she quickly looks away, jaw ticking. 

"Oh, my daughter!" the aged woman exclaims. "How are you, Habibi?" (Darling)

A soft exhale. Leilah sighs with a small smile. "I'm good, mama. You?"

"Ah, I'm good. Good," her mother hums. "How is Uni, hm?"

The main question. The answer should be positive, and the result should be even more. Her mama spends her hard-earned money on her. Even though she is an adult, she should not that go to waste. Never. 

It is not like she didn't object against her mama's decision to pay her tuition fee. She has. Multiple times that are. But she always brushed it off. Saying, 'Your job is to excel your studies and mine is to pay,' 

So, Leilah settled with it. Many would taunt her for this but deep down she knew that this was the closest she'd feel to affection from her mama. 

Leilah knew mama loved her. But sometimes she seemed like the creator of the monsters in her head. But that wasn't true. She loved her mama, and she always will. 

"Pretty fine, actually. Got a B on my math project. . ." her voice drifts off, turning small and wavery. 

"Korf," her mama curses, annoyed. "B? I told you to work on math, you useless girl," (Shit)

A lump in her throat as she swallows it. Stupid girl, why can't you do anything right? Always a disappointment. 

The voice taunted her. The grip of her hands against the phone tightening. "I. . .the project had a short deadline, and I had more assignments piling up. I'm sorry I'll work better next time," the girl managed to state.