from the start

i don't need reminders of how you don't feel the same

"And if Gemini starts to feel something will you take responsibility?

I'm not thinking much about that anymore.

And if he thinks of you, you're not going to take responsibility for his feelings?

That's the kind of person I am."

Fourth presses his forehead to the table and prays to the universe to put him out of his misery.

The audio loops for what seems like the sixth time in a row as Satang watches the clip in awe beside him. He can feel the shit-eating grin Mark has on his face across from them. The booth they're in is private, but not so much that Fourth can take Satang's phone and throw it at Mark's face. He's tempted though with every passing second Satand replays his ridiculous words.

"You know what I love most about this?" Satang finally, finally , shuts his phone off and relieves the younger of his suffering, taking a sip of his drink as Fourth raises his head. He squints as his eyes readjust to the light, giving Mark a half-hearted glare as he takes a carrot off the smaller's plate.

"Before the live, Fourth texted me a whole paragraph about how he loves seeing Gem in black. How he was nervous he was gonna end up saying something stupid. I, being the optimistic person I am, said that everything would be okay and that he'll be fine. The worst thing you can do is 'confess' how you feel for the millionth time. But this? I could've never seen this coming FotFot you have truly amazed me."

Mark chokes with laughter as Satang recites this in monotone fashion before turning to bow at Fourth with folded hands, the youngest pushing him away with poorly concealed embarrassment. "And what was that story right before? 'Our parents said we were too young and made us break up.' You've been hanging out with P'Joong haven't you." He has, but he's not going to give them the satisfaction of being right.

"I'm never telling either of you about my stupid feelings ever again only P'Phuwin gets to know about them now."

Satang tries to hug him while Fourth gives his face a playful push, whining against his hand about how his 'stupid feelings' are the highlight of his week as Mark makes a kissy face at him from across.

He doesn't know what came over him to say that he didn't care anymore.

-- --

During New Year's Satang had asked him what his new years resolution was. They were surrounded by people, including P'Nook, so he couldn't outright say what he had been thinking about for quite some time.

I'm going to stop being in love with Gemini.

He's not sure if he would have been able to say it even if they had been alone. The thought of accepting it makes the fireworks above them seem eerily quiet, his fingertips suddenly freezing despite P'Nook holding them seconds ago. He had given Satang a smile that made the elder instantly pull him into his side, and whispered it into his ear. He hoped his voice didn't waver as he did, but the way Satang's smile had faltered told him he wasn't so lucky.

The next morning when Satang came to his room to check up on him, he had simply hugged the older until it was time for them to leave. "I didn't mean it," was what he said against his shoulder when Gemini knocked on the door and let him know that he'd be waiting downstairs. "I know," was the soft reply he had gotten in return.

-- --

Now he wonders if what he said on the live was his brain's subconscious way of taking the first step towards letting those feelings go. He knows everyone saw it as him joking, the inkling of truth behind it was for him to know about and him only. There was no need to worry about what Gemini thought of his comments. Gemini never saw the truth behind his 'confessions' from the very beginning, and Fourth's sure that'll never change.

"What if I did mean it?"

He doesn't say it with that teasing lilt the other two are so used to hearing, and it has Mark pausing midway from stealing something from his plate again to look at him in confusion. "You meant what?"

"That I'm going to stop caring."

The older frowns and sets his chopsticks down, looking between Fourth and now a quiet Satang. "So you really don't believe what we told you?"

-- --

"Gemini likes you back Fot, you know how emotionally constipated he is. He's realized it and just doesn't know how to process it." Mark shares the drunken texts that Prom told him about after the Big Mountain festival, where Gemini texted the older messages littered with typos about how much fun the festival was. Prom had said Gemini seemed most happy about it being the first concert he went to with Fourth.

The smaller had pushed Mark's phone away instantly, not wanting to see more than the two messages he could barely decipher from the way Gemini had kept switching between normal messages and typing in all capslock. He was so cute when he was excited.

"Stop it Phi we shouldn't be looking at any of that, that's not fair to Gem." He sent a message to Prom saying the same thing with angry cat emojis to make it seem like he wasn't as angry as he actually was. Gemini rarely shared his feelings, and he'll quit sharing them altogether if he learned they're being talked about through the group grapevine.

Satang had said he didn't need to see the messages to know how Gemini felt, the way he had been clinging to Fourth the entire night said enough. Fourth had rebutted with Gemini being clingy by nature when drunk, but kept quiet when the elder asked why then didn't Gem hug him or Ford the entire night. He didn't know why, but knew the reason wasn't what he hoped it was.

-- --

"No, I don't. Gemini doesn't like me now," he tries to act unaffected while popping a piece of broccoli into his mouth, avoiding eye contact with the both of them, "And he never will."

Mark buries his face into his hands as Satang pinches the bridge of his nose, both taking a deep breath as Fourth slides down the booth like a dejected cat.

"You know what," Satang throws an arm around the youngest's shoulders and squeezes him gently, "we'll help you N'FotFot. Whatever you need, we'll help you get over Gem. We will simply observe and we won't meddle anymore." He points a finger at Mark as the oldest starts to protest, "We won't meddle."

Mark rolls his eyes and makes Satang the target of his thievery, taking a potsticker from his plate and placing it on Fourth's instead. "Alright, we won't. We'll help you Fot, as long as you feel it'll make you happy okay."

A genuine smile finally graces the younger's face after what felt like hours of him pouting, and the older two can only shake their head in fondness as he pops the potsticker into his mouth. He would probably explode with bottled-up feelings if it weren't for them.

"I give him a week before he caves."

Fourth makes an affronted noise and does his best to glare at Mark while chewing.

"Ai'Mark come on we have to have faith in our nong," Fourth can hear the grin in Satang's voice and just slides down the booth further.

"I bet two weeks."