THE KING AND THE BARGAINER

Part One: The Court of the Commoners

It seemed yet another boring Sunday in my Royal Court at first, but not for long. 

Perched there on my receiving throne and full of sweet red wine I was less-than-eagerly fulfilling my sworn obligation and begrudging duty to my people and Kingdom.

What exactly was this thankless duty? Well, a simple one in theory, and ultimate tedium in its execution. Anyone, whether stinking rich or poor, important or not has a right (ordained by me long ago) for an entire two minutes of my full royal attention to address me directly on ANY matter they wish to discuss, regardless of how trivial or ridiculous it might seem. It's mainly to make me aware of any situation in my Kingdom from any point of view, from coddled princes to dirty beggars. Whatever the problem, concern, or complaint I sit here ready to listen, as long as it's exactly two minutes.

Of course, these presentations are perfectly timed, and every word is meticulously recorded by a scribe sitting close by (no wine for this royal lackey, since this duty requires a clear head to write every word accurately). This area around me is well-guarded and the rules are strictly enforced, unless I say otherwise. To allow anyone to speak no matter how common they are, all these petitions (and often full conversations) have to be amazingly short by nature.

The vast majority of my subjects take this Sunday event quite seriously, but not ALL do, including my esteemed self. This event certainly does have its uses; Since certain matters in past sessions have been brought to my attention just in time so I could correct them before they got too far out of hand. These Sunday sessions with my subjects have proven their worth time and time again.

However, more often than not many of the things I am made privy to are utter nonsense and gibberish, and not worth my Royal attention. Complaints about transgressions, stolen items, indiscretions, injustices, etc. The list of miseries seems eternally tedious to listen to.

Sunday should be a day for enjoyment, doubly so for those of Royal blood such as my glorious self. Still, for me, it is a day of absolute drudgery as King, as well as being the only meaningful thing that could ever occur in a lowly peasant's life of laboring. They live their pitifully impoverished lives in utter misery slaving in the mud, and so an audience with their ruler should give actual purpose to their worthless common lives.

As their beloved king, I would never begrudge them this personal honor of basking in my presence. This is what they should live for, having little of value in their petty lives, devoid of any value except to serve me.

The only thing I regret is the fact that it has to be ME sitting here tolerating such drolleries for an entire day each week.

In the Sunday decree, it is specified that literally anyone can show up, from my Kingdom or otherwise. no matter how utterly wretched they may appear in clothing or demeanor (or scent). They petition my court, and as long as they carry no weapons they have their two minutes granted in my royal presence.

I do enjoy keeping this interesting, so several seasons ago I added another irresistible caveat to any individual who wants to participate. Full diplomatic and criminal immunity for anyone, friend or foe alike just on this day. Even if they are a criminal or a personal enemy, they all share the same freedom to visit on Sunday in the same manner, their peaceful composure in exchange for their two-minute say, just on Sundays obviously.

Upon my Royal word, they shall neither be apprehended or interfered with during their comings or goings on that day (unless they are actively committing an offense right then and there). Seems unfair otherwise no? By including those who could not speak for fear of being caught, jailed, or risking execution for their crimes. I give them their voice as well and deny no person my ear on these particular days.