OUTCASTED. [twd]

008.

Mia got a dress, a sparkly, rainbow dress from Beth's box of baby clothes. Dale's funeral was today, two funeral's in the span of a month, a week? Jeans and black hoodie was my most funeral-y outfit.
Back under the tree Maggie and Hershel come to a lot, separately, sometimes bringing flowers. My family never got a funeral, they all deserved one but never got one, no one buried them. No one killed them, they came back and stayed like that. They roaming the world somewhere, lost.

"Dale could... could get under your skin. He sure got under mine," Rick spoke, "because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt."
I stand around where Maggie's mother was buried, Hershel's step-son. And it makes me think back to the start, the start of this virus. If I came here from the beginning my family be alive. They could meet them and they'd be here looking after me. My mum knew how, she never shouted and she would hug me when I cried.

I stood between Andrea and Carol, everyone was standing still so I was trying to do that too. I put my hands behind my back but then my legs started kicking, my body swaying left and right.
"Stop," Andrea whispered, I stopped when she put her hand on my shoulder, it lasted a few seconds before I felt the urge to move again.
"That kind of honesty is rare... and brave," Rick continued, "Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another, I couldn't always read him but he could read us." I look up at Glenn then at everyone around me.

"We're not broken, we're gonna prove him wrong. That is how we honour Dale."
Hershel said a prayer, we stood silently for about a minute before everyone went off in different directions, Andrea and Glenn stayed for a bit for a personal goodbye.
T-Dog, Shane, Daryl and Andrea got in the pickup truck and drove off the land. Checking for loose fences and killing any walkers that had made their way up here.

While the three kids and I were playing house, I was the dog, the pickup truck pulled up. Rick and Hershel were talking about everyone moving into the house which filled me with anxiety.
Beth and Dani went to help them move instead which made the game uneven because Danyella was the mum and without a mum it falls apart. Carl said I had to be the mum then but I'm a dog for a reason, I don't know the first thing about responsibility even if it's just a game.

T-Dog gave a little smile as he walked past us and into another tent to grab something.
"Let's move the vehicles near each of the doors facing out towards the road," Carl dusted his hands off and walked away to see if he could help, "We'll build a lookout in the windmill, another in the loft. That should give us sight lines both sides of the property," Rick finished, I huffed. Today's moving day, there goes my fun.

     When I was walking something crunched under my shoe. I lifted up my shoe and saw crumbs, biscuits crumbs, s'more biscuits crumbs. I wanted to cry, I pouted and bit down on my tongue. The s'more I made to show Dale, my heart sank and I flashed back to last night. His face as he gasped for air then his comforting smile when he brought me over to everyone to be included. I stared down at the broken and now muddy marshmallows and biscuit.

     I was meant to show it to Dale and he was gonna say 'oh that looks good' or 'well done' and smile at me and put his hand on my shoulder and I wasn't gonna flinch away this time. Tears blurred my eyes, I shakily breathed in, tryna calm my thoughts. It felt mean to not cry though, not crying means I didn't care but I did. What if he's watching down on me thinking I'm a bad person for not crying at his death.

Everyone was moving around, packing things up and putting it in the truck. Maggie gave me like three folded sleeping bags and I trailed behind her, Beth and Jimmy up to the house and placed it down on a chair. Danyella and Carl passed us with a handful of things of their own.
We all walked to the house together, pick up truck with the bigger, heavier stuff and Daryl on his bike.