"Stop there where you are.Approach no further.Remember ! you can't come near a womanizer" "You love me ! I know" Jungkook hoarsely completed the sentence which chaeyoung desperately wanted to blurted out.But with a scoff.She watched his face for any...
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"All is well and it is time to rise!” the night watchman sang out. He tapped his stick on the hard dirt ground of the street outside the palace, one tap for each hour of the morning.
In her sleep, chaeyoung heard those taps, and with her eyes still closed, she counted them. She heard minji come into the room, and she opened her eyes as he approached the bed.
"Good morning, My lady"
"Morning, minji" chaeyoung turned aside saw the big mirror on her wadrobe. She sat up to peer into it. Outside, the sky was scrubbed with the pale grays of dawn, and only a little light came into her apartments.
She brought her a copper vessel with water, and when she put her chin forward, he washed her face. Two slave girls came in silently and bowed.
Chaeyoung brushed her teeth and stood as they dressed her. This was an effort each morning; even waking up was an effort. But this had become her daily routine for the past few weeks. She would duly attend the Emperor's room and expect him to grant her a permission to meet him in person. Unfortunately it never happened. Jungkook had shown no indication that he would welcome an apology. It made her feel even more ashamed for her actions than she has been feeling already.. There was a pain that she felt inside that was as if someone pulled her heart out of her body. It ached from the agony of seeing her husband aloof and detached. She did an unacceptable thing that she could never live down. Dreams she had held on to for so long, now shattered into a thousand pieces. And no matter how hard she tried, no matter what she did- she couldn't seem to fix their widening gap. As a result each day she returned back to the apartment mentally shattered and hurt.
If she were to go to the Emperor and beg his pardon, there would be nothing left for her, this much she knew. Her Pride, all these would mean little now. But she cared none of it now. She knew well she had done unthinkable, that Jungkook had been more than indulgent with her. Still it was horribly wrong whatever he said or she did. Overwhelming guilt was gnawing her heart. She also aware that she was stupid to stay away, and anxious that some other woman was right now capturing his affections. How would she bear this? After all these years of wanting to be his love, how could she live with this? But then, in which manner can she go back and apologize, with what face?
As she walked down the corridor of her apartments, she looked across the courtyard at his palace. He would be awake too. Would she see him today? If she did, would he look at her, at least for once? She stumbled, on nothing really but her thoughts.
"Don't lose your hope, My lady. Emperor can't stay away from you longer. Plus I have a feeling that good things are going to happen." Minji said in her ear.
Chaeyoung nodded. Hope she would have, after so many weeks of despair. It was lonely and frightening to live like this. In the beginning she had still been angry, although most of that anger had been frittered away in the fight. She did not want to apologize, to be the first to bow her head, to acknowledge wrong. Everyone insisted on this, and her back grew rigid with each insisting. There have been other times, she remembered these well, when again the weight of all opinions had tried to pin her down. But she had resisted, being stubborn. That tenacity is costing her now, making her life a living hell.
