If It Goes Up, Must Come Down. [Part 1]

Should I show you this?

I doubt very much that you usually read poems,
Or play chess, or video games,
I guess you only like diamonds and gems,
I like them too, but I don't try hard enough, that's why I won't have you, How many times I need to say the same thing.

Because good girls always go with bad
guys,
I am the bad guy?
No, I'm not part of the bad boys,
I need a punching bag and a private gym, that wasn't the way?

A shower fixes everything,
Better with cold water,
I'm afraid they'll discover the body in my bathroom, but I'm trying not to be anxious about that,
Cold, cold water, does it really matter?

Because I write a lot of nonsense in these poems, some are deeper, others less,
It is a shame,
God won't bless me,
I hope it blesses you, or else it would be a bad rhyme.

You definitely can't read this,
You probably will someday,
Because I'm pretty gone, I miss you,
I don't want to go back to another day of suffering...

Because the avalanche of emotions that you would have, if you are an emotional person, when reading this, would be very huge,
But my personal love still tells me that you will never be interested,
So I will perform without an audience, on a stage without a set,
Maybe I'm wasted, maybe I lasted too much, maybe I just don't have muscles, at least then.

So, should I show you this?
Should it make you suffer, laugh, feel sorry, angry, afraid, disgusted, ashamed, disappointed, or any other feeling, probably not very entering into deep for you, but for me?
If I do I hope I'm dead then, but what fun would it be, if then I wouldn't see it, I guess.

I drew a spider, a horse, a dollar sign, I don't know why I made it looking so obvious, I hope you didn't were seeing that drawing in high school, because it wasn't even good.

In the darkest evenings, I laugh, lying...