Role: Model

Part 1

"Do you think maybe today we can talk about you more?" My therapist says sitting in her velvet black armchair. I can't help but tense up as the texture of the armchair brushes against my arm. A bitter looks appear on my face and I'm praying she doesn't pick up on it. Who purchases a velvet armchair? Apparently, my therapist does. Should I really be  talking to this woman?

After a brief moment passes by , the realization that I'm spacing out hits me. I nod lazily responding to the question she just asked me. I sit up on her matching red velvet sofa, squirming uncontrollably while I compose my thoughts. In media training I was taught to take my time to construct a statement that satisfies my audience. Whether that's photographers, fans, interviewers or in this case my therapist. Who currently is searching my soul for acknowledgment I heard her.

"I'm sorry ..." there's a brief pause , I smile wrapping up my thoughts," yes I'd love to, please ask away."

She lets out a sigh before returning the smile," So you started modeling when you were 15 right ?"

I shake my head ," I actually think I started when I was about 13. My sister sent my headshots without telling me."

She nods," which sister would that be?"

"Juniper," I chuckle to myself," it's kind of out of character for her. She wouldn't get involved with my life like that. But I don't know she did this time ..."

"How did that make you feel, having her make such a big decision for you?" Her voice is soft and tender like she's nurturing a little baby. I feel slightly better.

"I didn't exactly mind . I honestly wasn't in control of my life at that point.  This was three years after my mom , Ruth and sorrell ,passed. My dad was M.I.A so a lot of decisions were made on my behalf. My siblings were just large and in charge. Juniper wasn't really in that category though." I look down at my hands

"So your sister was the one who got you into the business? Was she there the entire time or was she just there in the beginning."

I nod ," she started the whole thing by a fluke kind of. She thought I needed a job so she took a picture and submitted it to a company she thought worked in retail but it was a modeling gig. They liked my look somehow and I was hired for my first job. It went well and I did a few more , however I didn't have a manager or anything like that for years. But I was booking left and right by myself and I was able to do most of the jobs alone. So by 15 I dropped out of school and signed up for homeschooling."

She writes down something and I'm curious as to what it was. She looks back up at me and her light blue eyes burn into me. This woman is odd, one of my old shoot partners, Maeve, recommended her. She said she's a bit soft but will get to the bottom of whatever trauma she has to. I assured her that I didn't need any therapy but she insisted I give it a few sessions. So I bit the bullet and decided to try. I didn't want anyone knowing about this... I was under the impression my life was finally getting on the right track. I'm 26 now and I've accomplished a lot. I'm even considering quitting modeling indefinitely. I haven't decided yet but it's in the back my mind.

"Mhm that's all good, tell me more about life before modeling."

"Well growing up I was spending most of my time with Ruth and Sorell, they really were my best friends. Whenever I wasn't at school I'd be with those two.  If it wasn't Sorell it was Ruth and vis versa. My parents were working all the time and most of my siblings were a lot older than me. I was just trying to get fulfillment." I shrug it off

"And when your siblings died?"  I hated this question... hated it. I didn't like this question one bit.  Something about bringing up dead relatives irks me. I'd been pestered about my family for years. Aviana is typically the most common name dropped. But whenever someone asks about Ruth and Sorell I get this horrible feeling. My mind is shot right back to life before, before all this fame, buzz, excitement and money.