Felix's life was anything but vibrant-cursed, he'd argue. To him, it was nothing short of horrendous, marked by relationships rife with daily disrespect and parents who prioritized alcohol above all else. As Felix's mental health reached a breaking...
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As I read the note from Hyunjin, a mix of emotions stirred within me. His absence in the bed was palpable, and while part of me longed for his presence, another part was relieved at the space. I needed time to center myself, to regain the balance that seemed so easily disrupted by his proximity.
The last two days had been a test of my self-control, a relentless dance of desire and restraint. Each tease from Hyunjin, playful and laden with intent, had chipped away at my resolve, leaving me feeling exposed and overwhelmed. It was a sweet torment, one that left me yearning yet anxious, my hand often hovering over the bottle of medication that promised a semblance of stability.
I sat up in bed, clutching the note a little tighter. The mention of his upcoming fight brought a surge of pride for his dedication, yet a pang of loneliness too. His focus was admirable, his discipline in the gym a reflection of his strength not just as an athlete but as a person. I admired him deeply, and yet, I found myself grappling with a growing dependency on his nearness, a craving for intimacy that was both comforting and consuming.
Deciding to clear my head, I rose from the bed and paced the room, each step a deliberate attempt to steady my thoughts. I knew I needed to talk to Hyunjin about these feelings, to share the internal turmoil that his affection stirred in me. But how could I explain that the intensity of our closeness both elated and frightened me?
I made my way to the kitchen, intent on making some coffee, hoping the routine would soothe my nerves. As the coffee brewed, the gentle hum of the machine a familiar comfort, I mulled over my next steps. It was essential to communicate openly with Hyunjin, to ensure that our relationship could adapt and grow through these emotional surges.
With a steaming cup in hand, I walked over to the window, gazing out at the morning calm. The city was just waking up, the early rays of sun casting long shadows on the bustling streets below. It was a new day, a chance for fresh conversations and new understandings.
Sighing deeply, I chugged half of my coffee in one go and set the cup down with more force than necessary. Going to the gym might not have been the best idea given my current state, but I needed to see Changbin. It had been too long since we last met—since the day I was sick—and the distance between us felt like a growing gap in my life. This friendship meant too much to me to let it just fade away.
Determined, I grabbed my wallet and placed my cap snugly on my head, giving myself a brief look in the mirror. My reflection stared back, showing a mix of resolve and underlying anxiety. Shaking off any lingering doubts, I slipped into my shoes and stepped out of the hotel room, closing the door behind me with a soft click.
The walk to the gym would give me time to gather my thoughts, to prepare for whatever conversation awaited me. Changbin had always been more than a friend; he was a grounding force, someone who understood parts of me that I sometimes struggled to understand myself. I couldn't let this connection slip through my fingers—not without trying to mend whatever rifts had begun to form.
