Last Spring of Youth

cinema

The summer of ’22,
Two days after solstice I hit 15. Mum and I went to a fancy restaurant around the square the night before. She ordered me a red soup. I don’t remember what she got for herself. Must’ve been the same order. It must’ve not. I do not remember, I must’ve not cared.
Next stop was a local run bakery. 2 cakes. One was strawberry, another I cant recall. There maybe was donuts, maybe not.
I slept in, only one wished me at 12, it was Kiyoshi, we shares the same birthday. She was older than me, younger and nicer.
At school gifts and wishes flew in. On the corridor they choired me a song. ‘They must love me a lot'.  I thought I must be lovable to all.
Cecelia made me handmade chocolates, which was odd for I knew her so less. Minwoo was Cecelia's best mate. Minwoo and I too shared the same birthday. They like me. I’m lovable. I’m lovely.
Miyoko was a friend of friend. He never spoke to be despite my tries. Every reply got shorter than the last. But he was as lovable as I was, I presumed. He slipped in a note, ‘Happy birthday Etsuko' he wrote.
For my birthday, I skipped my night classes. Gave a rest to my sleep deprivation. At evening they all gathered again. Cut cake with my family.  More gifts pour in. House décor from grandra, a strange mood spinner from my 6 year-old cousin. And alots and alots from my sister. Book, necklace, earrings she gave all. My another cousin gifted some action figure of some movie I haven’t watched. Oh and aunt gifted a book as well. Perhaps there was more gifts than I can recall now. Ive still got all of them showpieced on my desk.
We all watched some movie later on. I love cinema. Always have loved cinema.
Tragically, I found out the day I skipped classes was when they had bought me cake. Which then they devoured alone in my absence. Kenji bought me cake. I fancied Kenji a little. I made him elaborated gifts and wrote songs and love letter for his birthday, which he said was better than his girlfriend, Miles. Miles gifted me an old lighter she found in her uncle’s room, which I loved so much it ended our one sided rivalry. I started collecting lighters when I was 14. Not too long ago and her gift mustve been my 4th or 5th one. It was made of metal and was out of gas thus inoperative. Still she thought of bringing me a gift. Something I’d like. I felt loved. Ive always felt loved, by the universe, by my friends, by my family, by me. And I’ve never attempted since I was 14. I thrived, I lived.

The summer I turned 15 I fear might be my last.