straight as guitar strings!

𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟵 [𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗵]

I WAS FORTUNATE to catch a bus that wasn't full, finding a seat and dozing off slightly as I gazed at the city adorned with a starry sky, illuminated by colorful lights from lampposts, vehicles, and establishments, brightening the dark night.

However, darkness still clouded my mind, my heart, and it seemed like my boyfriend, Bob, was getting dragged into it. I could feel a change within me. Doubts about my love for him began to surface, questioning whether it was genuine love or just infatuation. Maybe I simply enjoyed the idea of being in love without truly understanding what real love meant.

Truth be told, I wasn't happy with Bob anymore... and I was teetering on the brink of ending our relationship. He hadn't even crossed my mind in recent days. I was too focused on myself, college life, and new friendships. I couldn't even recall that I had a boyfriend until he reached out to me desperately.

Now, let me be honest here. Bob is a nice person, albeit not the ideal match for me. We have numerous differences and misunderstand each other often. We argue frequently, hurt each other, then reconcile. But despite his kindness, my heart doesn't seem to align with him anymore.

Figuring things out while still in the process of self-discovery feels like searching for a crow in the darkness. In the midst of this quest, you might stumble upon something else. You think it's what you're looking for, but it's merely a resemblance or something entirely different. You're aware, but you settle for it because finding what you truly seek is challenging or seems like a waste of time. So you say, "Okay, this will do for now. I'll search for the real thing when the sun rises tomorrow."

That's how I would describe my relationship with Bob. He's my "this will do for now" type of guy. I was selfish for experimenting, and unfortunately, he became somewhat of a victim. But let's face it, everyone goes through this phase. Would I be hypocritical to myself if I didn't admit that? Come on, Liam! Liam can be a bit of a mess. I'm not sorry for that, but I'm determined to make it right, not now, but soon.

My wandering thoughts came to a halt as the bus stopped near my street. I began to walk, the ambiance of the highway fading into the distance.

How long could I continue like this? I deserved to set myself free. Hey, Liam... know that Bob doesn't deserve this. Telling him the truth is also a form of respect. No one deserves to be lied to, babe!

I hope the darkness of tonight will eventually fade with the power of the morning light when the sun rises. It won't cleanse me, but it will bring clarity.

I might be my own enemy now, wait, I might go crazy from these thoughts! They're driving me insane! I had the urge to scream them out loud in the depths of my mind, but instead, I just kicked an innocent stone that lay in my path on the way home.

It was a few minutes later when I entered the gate of the subdivision where I've lived for almost fifteen years. I noticed the old guard reading a sexy women's magazine while alternately smoking and sipping coffee. As usual, he scolded me for coming home late. He reminds me of my strict father. I greeted him with a good evening before continuing on my way.

The barking and howling of dogs, the meowing of cats, the chirping of crickets on the road, the honking of cars from my wealthy neighbors who arrived home late, the faint noise from the nearby highway, and the shuffling of my feet as I lazily walked-all these sounds surrounded me. Perhaps I exerted all my strength earlier with Bob. We only had one round, but it felt like twelve rounds.

I took out my cellphone and typed a message:

"I'm home now."

I tapped the 'send' button, and to my surprise, I had searched for Leo's name earlier as the recipient instead of Bob.

Another event in my life that's making me question my feelings for my boyfriend right now.

Seeing my home finally made my brain cells stop overthinking. Standing in front of the large silver-painted gate, I opened it. As I closed it, the messenger app on my phone suddenly rang, giving me a reason to quickly lock the gate.

After five to ten seconds, it was okay, the gate was locked. As I walked towards the main door, I finally checked who had messaged me. My hunch was right-Leo had just replied to my message.

"Did you get home late?"

His message... I could feel his concern for me. I replied immediately, making excuses that I had to kill time to think about some stuff that was bothering me. I opened the main door, took off my shoes, and entered inside. My pets welcomed me home, excited and playful.

My phone screen lit up as Leo replied once more,

"Liam, if you need someone to talk to, you can count on me. I'll be like, uhh, shoulders? Yeah, that you can lean on."

God, how could I hear his voice in his texts? My dog barked, jolting me from my delusional state. I stooped down to hug them, feeling comforted by Sarsi's gentle lick on my cheek.

My reply to Leo's message was simple, "Cool, TYSM." Originally, I had typed out a longer response, expressing gratitude and offering to open up to him about my problems. But it felt cringe-worthy, cliché, corny, and creepy. So, I decided to play it cool and cut it short.

Then came his next message,

"By the way, here's my audition video. Hope you'll like it."

I questioned why he was sending it to me since I'm not a judge. He explained that he wanted to impress me with his performance and show me how good he is. I teased him about seeming arrogant online but trying to be humble in real life. He disagreed, but deep down, I knew he was humble. He was just putting on a show, trying to sound confident when he really wasn't.

Leo Quintero sent you a video.

I watched his bass guitar performance, impressed by his skill. He had borrowed it from a church, as he said. I replied soon as I finished watching his video audition playing the bass guitar version of 'Levitation by Dua Lipa'.

I praised his efforts and dedication, confident that he would pass the audition.

"Oh man, you have no idea how many takes were done before I got this right then uploaded," he replied.

My text reads, "Bro, you're clearly a pro so I'm not buying it. Only if you send me the behind-the-scenes clips? Maybe there's a chance."

He said next that he was actually uploading the BTS clips to his stories. Excited, I waited for his stories to load on IG.

As I scrolled through the pictures, I saw him with someone, leaning his head on her shoulder. On the next page, I heard her voice saying she had clicked the record button, and then Leo started playing his bass guitar.

I felt bad for asking for the behind-the-scenes clips.

I FUCKING HATE WHAT MY EYES HAD JUST WITNESSED.

Who could that woman be? His cousin? His mom? His sister?

Could she be... Colleen?